Luke Ford

In 1989 a little known movie came out that featured Barbara Dare, Tori Welles, April West, Summer Rose, Fallon,  Christie Leigh and Tori Welles.  This was one of Tori Welles’s first ever adult movies.   The movie was directed by Paul Thomas but it was back in a time when the name Paul Thomas wasn’t so well known and didn’t come attached to so many industry awards.  It was 1989 after all.

The movie itself didn’t go over so well with the critics.  In fact, AVN only gave it 3 out of 5 stars.   Yet that next year it still won the AVN award for the Best All-Girl Feature.  It was really the first time anyone had done a high quality feature film dedicated only to lesbians that also included several well known stars all in one film.  It was sort of new ground.  This movie was called

Where The Boys Aren’t

Fast forward 19 years.  It’s now 2008 and we now have the release of Where The Boys Aren’t 19.  The movie series is still winning awards, it’s still a best selling title and it still features big named stars.   Paul Thomas directed most of the Where The Boys Aren’t titles, but not all.  Recently Chi Chi La Rue has been heading up the Where The Boys Aren’t project but he isn’t slacking when it comes to talent.  In fact, the last Where The Boys Aren’t title (Where The Boys Aren’t 18), in which Chi Chi La Rue directed, was a huge hit.  Industry award nominations aside, the movie stayed at the top of the sales charts for more than a year.   Considering how many great movies came out last year, that is really saying a lot.

But a new year is upon us and that means it is now time for a new Where The Boys Aren’t …. 19 this time and this one is in the theme of the middle east.  Set with an Arabian Nights setting, how can it now be an erotic adventure you won’t soon forget?

Tera … Briana … Lanny … Stefani … Sanvanna … Monique … Lexie … Tawny … Lyndsey and Lacey.  Very simply, this is the harem to end all harems. They’re so hot, not even Tera, the girl in the lamp can control them! It’s the nastiest WBTA ever…and guess what…you’re the Sultan! Find out what happens when belly dancing meets lap dancing, in the girl/girl blockbuster of all time!  Where The Boys Aren’t 19 : Arabian Nights.  When the Sultan is away, the girls will play.   Starring Tera Patrick, Briana Banks, Monique Alexander, Lexie Marie, Tawny Roberts, Mercedez, Lyndsey Love, Lacey Love, Lanny Barby, Savanna Samson, and Stefani Morgan.  Directed by Chi Chi La Rue.

click on the box cover below to view the movie trailer

I have a brand new movie trailer for you (click the box cover below to view it).  Lanny Barbie’s new feature hits the streets this week and it’s called King Cobra.  In this XXX rated feature of sorts.  As the story goes, she leads a all girl biker gang hell bent on destruction.    Director JacktheZipper makes his directorial debut for Vivid with the release of this title and well, from the movie trailer alone, this movie isn’t like any porno I’ve seen before and sure as fuck not anything like you’ve seen from Vivid before.  It’s out there … really fucking out there but it includes Lanny Barbie so how the fuck can you not love it?

If having a new Lanny Barbie movie wasn’t enough for you, I’m also told that this DVD includes 6 bonus Vivid-Alt scenes.  That’s practically an entire movie in itself.  In fact, I’ve seen quite a few features that were only 5 or 6 scenes.

KING COBRA : It’s a full throttle joyride through the American wasteland… where the bikers are bad and the biker bitches are badder! King Cobra barrels along at breakneck speed with ultra sexy Lanny Barby as the leader of the girlgang who corrupts the not so innocent blonde creampuff (played by the outrageous Page Morgan). This movie will excite you with extra large doses of rough sex, spitting, slapping, swearing, mud, sand, booze, fire breathing, and an authentic biker orgy. King Cobra is about the nomads of the outer limits, and dirty girls no clean machines who are hungry for the taste of sex… and burning rubber!  Starring Lanny Barby, Page Morgan, Sasha Grey, Jade Starr, Roxy DeVille, Chapel Waste and Lela Star.

I can’t believe I forgot movie trailer Friday already? Well hell … but I guess it’s better late than never so this week we have BJ Babes as our movie trailer of the week. These young porn star wannabes leave nothing to the imagination. They see a cock and grab hold of it and don’t let go until it explodes in their mouth and well … that’s just the way it should be. These girls may not be pro but they damn sure suck a cock like they could be. Brianna Beach, Brianna Bragg, Holly Holsten, Leah Wilde, McKenzee Miles, Peyton Lafferty, Riley Evans, Estella Leon, Stephanie Nicole, and Vanessa Lynn colored me fucking impressed.

What happens when you take 6 hot, young girls (no not porn stars, I mean just regular old girls) to the beach in Miami? Well, wild hot sex of course. And that is the introduction into a new series I am starting calling it Movie Trailer Friday. Each week I’ll give you a new movie trailer to enjoy. This week we highlight Absolute Asses. This movie stars Brianna Beach, Leah Wilde, Mckenzee Miles, Riley Evans, Jordan Ashley, John McGill, Traci Lynn and Desani Lezian. Don’t really know how most of these girls are? Don’t worry most people don’t either as these are 6 smokin’ hot amateurs.

DCypher posts: Some people disappear on you. Who knows why it happens. It drives me nuts though. One minute you’re in regular communication with them and everything is hunky dory and the next they just fall out of your life…vanishing without a trace.

Usually this happens when someone owes you money or doesn’t feel like honoring an agreement. In the case of my former reviewer, CUNTINGTON MCGEE, it was much darker and more mysterious.

Perhaps he was recalled by the Blackwater Corporation to wrap up some loose ends in Iraq. Perhaps he went underground after the mob killed his family to learn martial arts and have secret government implants added to his body so he could exact revenge on those who destroyed all he cared for in this world. Truth is we will probably never know, but it’s all the same. I’m glad as fuck he’s back. I can tell you that. If you will take a moment to check out his unique reviewer style you will be too.

*** *** ***

Teen Fuck Holes 7
from Platinum X

Scene 1: Veronique Vega’s genetic makeup couldn’t be more fortunate for us chronic masturbators—she’s got all the curves and youthful good looks of a Victoria’s Secret Model with a shnozz just big enough to garner the grade-school ridicule to send her into a career in porn. Her rookie’s enthusiasm originally led me to believe that this was her porn debut, so you can imagine my surprise upon viewing the topographical map of the Alps she’s got hidden under those panties. I’m not sure if this is true for all girls from whatever country Veronique hails from, but the area surrounding her butthole looks like some kind of mesmerizing grey whale cornea. That may be the most romantic sentence I’ve ever constructed about anyone.

Barbie Cummings sports that “blue-eyed, blonde Southern cheerleader” look, the only difference being the paleness of the two simultaneous cocks in her vagina. At one point, one of her costars fucks her doggie-style with one foot pinning the back of her head to the couch–perhaps a bit more prudent when fucking a rabid wolverine than a middle-school dropout with fake tits. At the end of the scene, when Barbie turns to the camera with a mouthful of future Einsteins and asks, “Are you gonna go jack off to that?”, it really made me appreciate the fact that were it just a second earlier in geologic time, I’d still be beating off to cave-paintings of stickwomen with goat-heads.

The fact that Leah Luv has braces made it that much harder for me to acquire this film, as Woody Allen had already bought every remaining copy. Leah is the only star to be anally invaded in this feature; I guess it was part of the “every other girl in this movie is hotter than you” clause in her contract. The scene begins with a stand-up doggie followed by Slinkie-style, which is a term I just coined to describe sex on a stairway. Also included is a brief fucking of Leah’s asscrack itself, which would be the popular pastime following abstinence education classes were it not for the existence of the anus. The scene wraps up with Leah slurping her partner’s eel-vomit off a glass table zamboni-style—and they say nobody’s excited about the start of hockey season!

Divine’s star performance in Scene 4 made me lament the fact that there aren’t more young black girls like her in porn; it’s a shame they all have their hands full raising their kids. Divine, who has the honor of being voted by the Republican National Committee as the nation’s finest 3/5 of a piece of ass, does a fine job of masking her shock while a sexual partner actually performs cunnilingus on her. This cinematic tribute to the career of Strom Thurmond concludes with a creampie…or should I say COOKIES n’ cream pie? (Jesus—I could be a monologue writer for Bill Maher with zingers like that) .

I cannot say enough good things about the work of Paulina James—she may very well be solely responsible for the “smoker’s teeth” hue of the wifebeater under my bed. My favorite position for Paulina would have to be reverse cowgirl, as it gives her a chance to display her mighty clitoris; make no mistake–when it comes to clitoral matters, I won’t accept anything less than the “Facehugger from Alien” look. The traditional money-shot on the stomach at this scene’s finish is a throwback to the classic 1970s style of porn, minus the Snuffleupagus-sized yodelpatch on the girl’s privates, of course.

Well, as always, I hope you enjoyed witnessing my ongoing journey through the double-digit circles of Hell. Now if you’ll excuse me, these first grade spelling tests don’t grade themselves!

DCypher posts: I ran into the beautiful and talented Kimberly Kane on set a couple days ago. Andre Madness was shooting an Ava Rose all girl movie for Adam and Eve and KK, along with a bunch of super hot chicks like Celeste Star and Kayden Cross, were all milling about waiting to lick each other. What a job right? They actually get paid for that shit. You know what I call that? Good karma. Lol.

KK and I got to talking about her latest release from Vivid Alt, the long anticipated Triple Ecstasy. It stars girls like Pixie Pearl (be still my throbbing cock) along with Audrey and Otto, and some super hot little Asian girl getting butch dyked in a school girl outfit first in a hallway and then next to a toilet.

It’s the overall mood, all the extra attention to detail, the construction and editing that went into this movie that set it apart. Sure anyone can play with color correction in editing these days and get that “alt feeling” that board lurkers used to trash talk. From what I hear “the biggest most expensive movie of all time” has a lot of the same shit people trashed Eon McKai for doing two years ago, editing wise that is.

Triple X plays with your mood by introducing a frenetic style of custom, “art school” kool handcuffed to a custom, punky fresh soundtrack in a knife fight to the bleed. It’s refreshingly originality serves to elevate it’s fundamental eroticism into pornographic art supercharged by Kane’s raw sexual energy. Watching KK suck cock with that fixed, hungry, somewhat psychotic stare is a near religious experience. I am not even remotely kidding. She’s one of my favorite new directors. After Naked and Famous if you’re not watching her, you’re missing out, plain and simple.

If you had any trouble understanding anything I said in the previous paragraph you should just stick to flat lit gonzo titles with cute girls (being wasted) taking the boring predictable sex in the standard four positions. You know, stuff like Barely Legal from Hustler (which I almost fell asleep watching recently.)

Botttom line time: Kimberly Kane’s Triple Ecstasy is an AMAZING movie. I highly recommend that you watch it…immediately. If you do not then you are a fucking loser.

That’s all.

DCypher posts: Many of you have heard of purple haze. Many of you have smoked purple haze, listened to Voodoo Child, and thoroughly enjoyed what your parents and grandparents refer to as the Jimi Hendrix Experience. It must have been exciting back then listening to something so fresh, so raw, and knowing that it was unlike anything that came before it, that it was going to change the way people viewed the world. Go ask your folks if they can remember how it felt, like watching the Berlin wall come down.

They don’t call it hyperbole for nothing people. Just keep reading.

Now you, yes you, can feel that same fascination and wonder, as you witness the Jenny Hendrix Anal Experience, brought to you by the good folks at Evil Angel and that plucky devil Manuel Ferrara.

You too will feel tingles run up your spine as you witness her FIRST EVER DP in all of its stretching glory.

You too will drool in delight as monster cock pries open the pink pussies and perfect puckers of cock pleasing supersluts Aurora Jolie, Aubrey Adams, Delilah Strong, and Michael Stefano. Okay. You got me. Michael does the pucker punching, pussy pounding, power prick planting, as well as the playful piddle paddling and the drunken platypus, which I’m pretty sure Ricky Powell of Beastie Boys fame invented.

There is even a clever story to go along with this amazing experience. Jenny and Manuel are a couple. He wants her to do anal. She doesn’t. She discovers that he does anal with another chick. She gets back at him with a revenge tape of her learning to do anal. He fucks her ass. All’s well that ends well.

Click Here For Trailer!!!

Or you can buy it as of December 17, 2007. Now check the free gallery courtesy of Evil Angel.

Click Here For Gallery

DCypher posts: Justice Young is the man. In the short time he’s been in the industry he’s managed to accomplish fucking nearly every hot chick in it, plus a few real skanks for good measure. Just kidding.

From what I’ve been able to gather, he’s originally from Miami, which would make sense since that’s where he decided to shoot the first Coast to Coast Amateurs movie of his series by the same title. Why do all the freakiest sex stories seem to come from Florida? What is up with that State? Seriously.

In addition to plowing through some of the finest ladies the adult entertainment industry has ever seen Justice is also lyrically inclined. When he’s not down to meet, greet, and skeet he’s either up in the studio, in the editing bay, or out combing the streets for wild and horny stripper bitches that no one has ever seen. You can also catch him at the spot getting more ink drilled into his already heavily coated hide. I heard every second Tuesday of the month he actually sleeps but I cannot confirm whether or not it’s true.

All jokes aside, Justice sent me this trailer for his newest flick from Frat House Films being distributed through Shane’s World. It’s called Coast to Coast Amateurs Miami. It features Kendall Brooks, who went on to become a Club Jenna Contract Star, and a bunch of really cute strippers having the shit banged out of them by Justice’s magic stick. I dug it so much that I hit him up for a free gallery. Don’t say I never gave you anything

Click Here For Full Gallery!!!

DCypher posts: Scouring through my (not so) extensive archives I came across this photo set from another of my Cal Vista titles DIRTY TALK and wanted to share it with you. Nautica Thorn is simply an amazing looking woman with a voracious sexual appetite that translates onto film (or high definition video in this case) in an almost perfect capture. Working with her is always a pleasure. She brings a curiously upbeat energy, has no problem taking direction then tears it up in her scenes holding nothing back. We were lucky to get her. She really made the movie.

We had an amazing cast in general, including Crissy Moran before she became a bride of Christ, my dear friend Ashley Steele, Carli Banks, Destiny St. Claire, August, Charlie Laine, Ashley Roberts, Samantha Ryan, and Kelle Marie. This was back when I used to love making big lesbian orgy scenes filled with Penthouse Pets. I was trying to establish it as my signature style, a tribute to the late Jim Holliday, before people started squeezing the budgets down on shows. Who would have thought those would be some of the best days of shooting in my decade long career?

Nautica Thorn plays an internet sex columnist whose hapless relationship with her frustrated boyfriend James Deen has soured dramatically in the wake of her meteoric rise to success and popularity. Thorn’s preoccupation with her readers sexual needs has left her boyfriend feeling ironically neglected while she struggles to stay faithful to Deen as they argue over fidelity and questions regarding her sexuality. I wanted to show how men and women dealing with complex issues surrounding polyamorous lifestyles come into their own personal comfort levels and the process of discovery that happens as they begin to move away from accepted social norms regarding sexuality and embrace their poly nature. It’s an issue I’ve worked through in relationships on many occasions and Nautica understood and sympathized with. How can you not love her??

Thorn’s boss, Nick Manning, encourages her to embrace her urges through suggestion and sexually charged assignments. Later on of course he unmasks himself as her secret admirer from dirty, late night chat room conversations. They make a perfect beast together, and Deen runs off with his very vanilla secretary with the over active hormones, so all’s well that ends well.

AVN liked it. Gram hated it but was nicer in his Fleshbot review. Christian Mann made sure it had an amazing cover with Crissy. I hear she’s mad that porn companies won’t let her buy back ALL of her images and that they are trying to make money off of her. I hope she comes to embrace this as a valid part of her past that led her to who she is now. She was (almost) always nice to me and I hope she’s happy with the new life that she’s made for herself.

Click Here For Full Gallery

DCypher posts: What do Bree Olsen, a guy in a chicken suit, luchadors, serial killers, male strip dancers, fluffers, Evan Stone, twenty-four hour cable news feeds, genies, divisive partisan cat fight grudge fucks, alt-porn, and lesbian pillow fight orgies all have in common?

They are just the tip of the iceberg in David Lord’s new feature sex comedy for Adam and Eve tentatively titled BREE OLSON’S SLUMBER PARTY.

David hired an all-star cast that included Penny Flame, Kayden Kross, Aiden Starr, and Roxy Deville. Since I wrote it I demanded to play the guy in the chicken suit moshing to Mexican speed metal. You’d do the same thing if it were up to you so don’t talk shit.

Bree has like six personalities and devours Starbucks like she sucks dick. She fucking rocks!!! Not only can she deliver dialogue inspired by Noam Chomsky without batting an eye or stopping for breath she literally fucks like a wild animal pumped up on crack rock and adrenaline. Adam and Eve really scored when they added her to the team.

Penny Flame is, well, Penny Flame. She’s a nonstop riot. Her infectious and non sequitur humor keeps everyone going making the hours fly by. I will never get tired of watching her fuck and in a political debate that girl can hold her own.

Aiden is like a slutty little smurf. Evan Stone fucked her literally senseless and no one could figure out how he got his whole dick in her tiny little body. I’d call her precocious but that would be underestimating her.

Kayden is a dirty, Nietzsche loving, vegetarian, objectivist with weird ab muscles who doesn’t like boys with tattoos. Every crew member had about a zillion tattoos they were trying to cover after hearing that heartbreaking news. She’s a little piece of heaven though. God only knows how Vivid let her get away.

Roxy Deville has an amazing ass. She easily outfucked her partner. I almost felt bad for the poor guy.

Overall the movie was a lot of fun to make, even if we had to give up partying on Halloween weekend to do it. There is a fourway girl girl scene with Aiden, Bree, Kayden, and Penny that started out with the best pillow fight porn has ever seen and devolved into a no holes barred lesbian orgy. Delightful!

Check out all the action in the photo gallery I put together. It seriously took me like an entire day to clean, crop, upload, code, and host them so I hope you enjoy them. Suits kill art, baby! Remember that I told you that? Suits kill art.

Bree Olson Slumber Party Pix