Author Archives: Scott Fayner

About Scott Fayner

Former contributing editor at LukeFord.com.

MIA ROSE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT … DRIVERS

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Mia Rose Writes on MySpace: Its been a long time coming, and I am going to be brief, cause not too much needs to be said.

 

Hey dick head, in the Porsche, Mercedes, Saab, and you too comb over ass fucker in the Ferrari….. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE. Trust me, your car IS NOT GOING TO GET YOU PUSSY IF YOU CONTINUE TO DRIVE LIKE A PUSSY. Leaving your blinker on for 3 fucking miles? Not being capable of staying in your lane. “yes, we share the road, weird right?” Too busy looking over at me passing you cause your going 40 mph on the fucking fwy you almost crash your baby into a wall. Speeding up to pass me when I’m going 80, just to pull in front of me and slow down?… I pity you and your sad driving “skillz”

 

So, go get back to your bumper cars if you are going to continue to drive like handicapped, half retarded blind bats.

 

You may be in California, but it doesn’t mean you shit sunshine… god forbid it rains…. Don’t get me started!

 

OH!! And one more thing…. TO THE OFF DUTY COP WHO CUT ME OFF WHEN I WAS TRYING TO EXIT….. And then you flash your badge at me like its going to make me change my mind on how big of a dick head driver you are?

 

Its a badge, its not a license to be a asshole / cunt. (( I actually LOVE the word cunt, so I take it back, cunt is good, and that is what you are NOT))

 

I will treat you with respect on the road and promise to never put you in harms way, so do me a big fucking favor, and do the same.

 

If not, fine, I’ll keep an eye out for you and your car at the tow yard. GAH

 

PS. this guy Manny has been keepin my shit clean for almost two years, If your in Los Angeles / hollywood, and like ur shit crisp. Call him and tell him you know me. “My god, I sound like an AD”

 

Fayner Adds: Well oh my gosh I don’t know what to say here. Has Mia gone off the deep end or what?!

PROOF THAT DICK TRACY WANTS TO WHACK OFF TO THE GENE SIMMONS SEX TAPE!

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Fayner Posts: So yesterday I wrote that the Gene Simmons tape would only be bought by one person and that person is performer Dick Tracy who loves KISS so much he’d probably drink Paul Stanley’s semen if he asked him to.

Not an hour passed and Dick sends me this email announcing his love for Gene Simmons.

Strange? Yes indeed.

Unhealthy? Of course.

Expected? Without a doubt.

Dick Tracy Writes In: dude

I fucking launched diet sprite outta my nose all over my computer screen laughing so fucking hard..yeah gene is one ugly sob but kiss rules dude(yeah so does VAN HALEN too..I cant say they suck,especially now they’ve got dave

back..great show..I went 3 times by the way)…yes I buy everything kiss puts out….but actually not too sure about this one..but yeah I’ll watch it probably….hahahahaha..fuckin faynor…………… – D2thamuthafuckinT

I KNOW ROTTWEILLERS ARE CUTE AND ALL, BUT C’MON!

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Fayner Posts: It ain’t right fucking a dog. Unless of course if you too are a dog. Then its fine. But this dude did it anyway. Shame on him, and shame on the authorities for setting him back out on the streets after he got caught doing it the last time.

Here’s a question: Why would someone with a Rottie keep it in the garage? It is a dog best left outside to protect the people it calls family. Do you think the guy would have had a shot fucking the dog if it were outside? Probably. Or maybe it was just a wimpy dog. That blows.

READ ON

A woman responding to a break-in in her garage found a man having sexual intercourse with her 4-year-old female rottweiler, police said Wednesday.

The woman called police Tuesday night after finding the 20-year-old man.

Police arrested the man, who they say had a prior conviction for the same crime less than six months ago.

“This is the first time that I’ve ever seen this… and I’ve been in law enforcement a long time,” said Lt. Sam Hanley, who leads the department’s sex crimes unit.

The man was booked into Sedgwick County Jail on suspicion of criminal sodomy and aggravated burglary.

The burglary was included because the man is suspected of breaking into the garage while someone was home, police said.

He had lived with the family for a while last year in the 3700 block of East Clark, police said.

The man pleaded no contest to having sex with an animal last September in Reno County and was fined $353, according to court documents.

He also can be found on an Internet Web site where people show photos and tell stories about sex with animals, Capt. Darrell Haynes said.

The rottweiler was not injured, Hanley said, but a Kansas Humane Society spokeswoman said the incident still qualifies as animal cruelty.

“It is abuse,” said Jennifer Campbell, director of communications for the Kansas Humane Society. “That is committing a violent act toward that animal.”

Campbell said she hopes investigators explore whether the incident was an attempt to strike out at the dog’s owners.

“That’s where a lot of animal cruelty starts,” she said.

Research has shown that perpetrators “are frustrated and angry and upset, and animals are vulnerable,” Campbell said.

WILL THIS BE JENNA JAMESON IN FIVE YEARS?

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Fayner Posts: Listen, I love Jenna, but her need to remain young looking is becoming an obsession if you ask me. It’s not her fault, nearly every American woman tries every day to stay young. Blame it on television, blame it on the girlie magazines, blame it on other women. But it ain’t a healthy lifestyle I bet. Even my mother who is in her 60s now and obviously no longer considered a looker is trying to remain young looking.

And this is what the end result is? This hideous woman in the picture. It could have easily have been former porno slut Houston in this story.

And if Jenna doesn’t smarten up, she’ll end up just like this chick.

Even the doctors on Nip/Tuck couldn’t save her then.

READ ON

If proof were needed that money can’t buy everything, look no further.

Rich divorcee Jocelyn Wildenstein spent a rumoured £2million on cosmetic surgery to keep her husband, but succeeded only in ruining the good looks she was born with.

Clearly her strange looks have not completely scared off all male attention, as the scary-looking 62-year-old was out with a male companion enjoying an intimate dinner on last night.

The American socialite has been nicknamed the Bride of Wildenstein and dubbed the world’s scariest celebrity by a plastic surgery website.

Ms Wildenstein famously embarked on a radical amount of cosmetic procedures after fearing her millionaire art dealer husband would leave her.

Bizarrely she based her remodelled look on exotic wild cats, which he loved, as she decided that he might find her more attractive if she became “more feline”.

The first time Wildenstein saw his newly-sculpted wife, he was said to have screamed in horror, unable to recognise her.

According to the Daily Telegraph, he said: “She seems to think that you fix a face the same way you fix a house.”

After finding her husband in the marital bed with a 19-year-old Russian model, she divorced him and was awarded millions of dollars.

Ex-husband Alec Wildenstein, died on Monday aged 67.

IS THIS SOMETHING THAT PEOPLE WANT TO SEE?

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Fayner Posts: Okay, so now the word around town has Gene Simmons in a sex tape with some car show model reject he just met! C’mon, Gene Simmons fucking a woman he just met?! I don’t believe it!
 
And I understand this has been leaked onto the internet, but one must wonder if anyone is really gonna want to watch a man of Gene’s ugliness fuck some nameless skank with his fucking shirt still on! What’cha hiding there, Gene? Did you know this tape was gonna get leaked and thought hiding your old belly would do better for your profits? Did ya?
 
I for one will never watch this tape. KISS sucks. They made over 20 records and have only one good song: Hard Luck Woman. And Strutter is okay, but not that good. Fuck KISS and Gene Simmons fucking a 3rd rate whore!
 
What an arrogant son of a bitch he must be to think people will want to watch this. And here I was thinking that the sex tape of Screetch was the worst thing that could happen to America ever. Once again, I have been proven wrong. Shame on me.
 
My prediction is only one person will buy this: Dick Tracy.

IS THIS WHERE PORN IS HEADED?

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Fayner Posts: I don’t want to say the girl’s name ’cause she’s all new and all and probably got suckered into doing this, but yesterday I heard from this young gal that she just did a scene where her and a guy sucked off another guy.
 
What the fuck is this all about?
 
Do bi-sexuals really need a movie with both guys and chicks sucking cock? I mean, there should be seperate movies for each genre.
 
And what the fuck was she thinking doing this?
 
Is this the new fad? Please say it isn’t.
 
Send your opinions to fayneralmighty@gmail.com

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS SATIVA ROSE?

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Hey Fayner,
 
Dude, I love your site and you are funny as all hell…you write pretty good for a stoked-up white guy. Just kidding dude!
 
Yesterday, I was browsing through LADirect models website and I noticed that Sativa Rose is no longer listed on their roster. Did she retire from the industry? Is she on hiatus or taking a sabbatical? Can you call your industry peeps and give us the 4-11 on LF?
 
Thanks very much bro, please say hello to Taylor Rain for me. She is smoking HOT!!!
 
Steve Sherman from Chicago.
 
Fayner Says: So I began investigating this, ’cause that’s what good journalists do.
And what did I find out?
 
I found out that Sativa Rose has left the building, I mean, business.
The porn business, that is. Who knows if she’s hooking…well, there could be some Johns that know that answer to that one, but I ain’t gonna start calling pathetic dudes who pay for sex and ask them if Sativa is on any agency lists or whatever they use these days.
 
I for one am sad ’cause I’ve always loved Sativa. In fact, I think I’ll take a quick break right now and rub one out to one of her awesome scenes. See you a few minutes, okay?

FINALLY THE CHURCH DOES SOMETHING RIGHT

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YBOR CITY, Fla. — A Florida church issued a challenge for its married members on Sunday: Have sex every day.
 

Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth said the 50 percent divorce rate was the catalyst for The 30-Day Sex Challenge.

 

The church set up a Web site concerning the challenge, Local 6 reported.

"And that’s no different for people who attend church," Wirth said. "Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way."

 

Oh, and the flip side of the challenge? No rolling in the sheets for the unwed.

Church member Tim Jones and his fiancee agreed to take on the challenge, though he acknowledges it’ll be a tough month.

 

But he added: "I think it’s worth trying to find out other things about each other."
 
Fayner Says: For the first time ever I’m actually thinking there could be some good coming from the Catholic Church. Or are they Christian? I don’t know the fucking diffference.
 
All I know is that Catholic chicks are sluts. All that repressed anger and shit. You gotta love ’em.
 
My prediction is that the married couples will stop having sex and the non-married ones will continue having sex. That’s just the way this crazy planet and its people seem to operate.

YOU MAY NOW REFER TO ME AS FAYNER®

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Fayner® Posts: Hi, it’s me, Fayner®, remember me? Good.

 

 

So, I’ve been seeing all this stuff on MySpace and press releases and the overall internet where porno chicks are registering their names. Jesse Jane® does it. Stormy® does it, too.

 

Well now Fayner® wants to do it too!

 

As if you didn’t know how awesome I am, there’s now a ® to strengthen my awesomeness.


Actually, the act of registering your name as a porn personality is truly a joke, and I’m making fun of it. But who cares, right?

Your friend, Scott Fayner®

IN THE PORN BIZ, WE CALL IT WORKING FOR KHAN TUSIAN

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WASHINGTON (Reuters) – At least 82 U.S. youths have died since 1995 engaging in "the choking game" in which they try to experience a fleeting "high" by cutting off the oxygen supply to the brain, U.S. health officials said on Thursday.
 
An unknown number of youths, mostly boys, are taking part in the practice in which they strangle themselves with their hands or a noose or have someone else strangle them, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in a report.
 
"They hope to get a cool and dreamy feeling, as they’ve described it," said Robin Toblin of the CDC’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, who led the report.
 
The report, the first effort to track this nationwide, identified the deaths of 82 people ages 6 to 19 from 1995 to 2007 that appear to have been caused by the choking game. The CDC said the report likely underestimates the toll.
 
Boys accounted for 87 percent of the deaths in 31 states, the CDC said, with the greatest number of deaths among boys ages 11 to 16.
 
They are trying to achieve the brief euphoric state caused by cerebral hypoxia, or the cutting off of the oxygen supply to the brain, the CDC said. Most deaths occurred when a child was alone.
 
It also is known as the "blackout game," "passout game," "scarf game" and "space monkey," the CDC said.
 
The CDC does not think publicity caused by the report will lead to more children trying the practice, Toblin said.
 
"We chose to go ahead with the report because we think it’s critical that parents, educators and health care providers become aware of this phenomenon so they can look for the warning signs of it," Toblin told reporters.
 
Death or serious injury can occur if strangulation is prolonged. Nonfatal consequences may include brain damage, seizures, hemorrhages of the eyes, or concussions and fractures due to falls after losing consciousness, the CDC said.
With official records of choking game deaths lacking, the CDC said it relied on news media accounts of deaths.
 
The earliest reported death was in 1995, and three or fewer deaths were identified annually through 2004. The CDC said 22 deaths were identified in 2005, 35 in 2006 and nine in 2007.
 
The report described two deaths. In February 2006, a boy, 13, was found by his mother slumped in his bedroom with a belt around his neck. Other teens came forward to say that the choking game had been played at local parties, the CDC said.
 
In April 2005, a girl, 13, was found hanging from a noose fashioned from a belt and shoelace on the door of her bedroom closet. The girl previously had told a cousin she recently had played the choking game in the locker room at school.
 
The CDC said it appears teens are learning about the practice from peers or from Web videos.
 
Warning signs that a child may be trying the practice include bloodshot eyes, marks on the neck, severe headaches, the presence of ropes, scarves or belts tied to bedroom furniture or doorknobs or found knotted on the floor, or the unexplained presence of dog leashes or choke collars.
 
The CDC did not count deaths involving "autoerotic asphyxiation" — choking oneself during sexual stimulation — and also excluded deaths ruled as suicide.