About Scott Fayner

Former contributing editor at LukeFord.com.

You just gotta love Jenna Jameson

Fayner Posts: So now I see why it’s called the Jenna Jameson Crossover or whatever they’ve been calling it: Because Jenna Jameson is all over mainstream television.

Many may already know the silliness that is Tito Ortiz on Celebrity Apprentice. Yeah, I know, I know, but what are you gonna do, right? He’s far to big to make fun of, too, which is a bummer ’cause it would have been fun.

 

But on last night’s episode, the wonderful and talented Jenna Jameson made a surprise appearance as Tito’s porn star girlfriend who happened to have $1,000 cash in her purse to give to him for a carriage ride through some park in New York City called Central Park. Ever heard of it?

“What park is this?” Jenna is heard asking Tito as their horse and buggy take off down the road.

Only a porn star could go to the most popular park in the United States and not know where she is. Only a porn star could announce her cluelessness on national television.

Unless of course if the whole thing was scripted. In that case, I think it is hilarious that Jenna should allow herself to made in to a dumb porn chick. Either way, I for one am disappointed.

WHO AMONG US HASN’T THOUGHT ABOUT BANGING A ROBOT AT LEAST ONCE?

 
 
In the mood for a little skin-to-skin?" coos a lover slipping between the sheets.
 
"Not tonight," mumbles the partner, turning around. "Just make it with the robot, if you want."
 
A kinky sci-fi fantasy? Love and lust in the 23rd century?
 
Not at all, says David Levy, a PhD in gender studies and artificial intelligence and author of "Sex with Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relations".
By mid-century, predicts the 62-year-old expert, getting it on with an electronic femme-fatale or a superstud sexbot will become an accepted part of the human landscape.
 
"Think of it: great sex on tap, 24/7," he said. People may even fall in love with their hard-wired sex slaves, he adds.
 
Not everyone embraces Levy’s vision of a future where humanoids guarantee satisfaction in bed along with pre-programmed post-coital conversation.
But many agree it is on the cards, given exponential leaps in computer power, progress in mimicking human muscles and movements, and headway in artificial intelligence (AI) software to replicate emotions and personality.
 
"Already today, the best quality synthetic voices cannot be distinguished from human voices," Levy told AFP, adding that some artificial skins now rival the smoothest of baby bottoms.
 
Last November, researchers at Waseda University in Japan unveiled a robot, named Twendy-One, that can cook, talk, obey verbal commands, and use its soft silicon-wrapped hands — each equipped with 241 pressure sensors — to interact with humans.
 
Even so, it will be a long time, Levy acknowledges, before we cannot tell the difference between human and humanoid.
 
The sexbot Gigolo Joe played by Jude Law in Steven Spielberg’s 2001 film " Artificial Intelligence : A.I.," providing chat and emotional support as well as sex, is at least 40 decades away, he thinks.
 
Not all AI experts agree. "I don’t think we will have convincing ‘human-like’ robots" within that time frame ," said Frederic Kaplan, a researcher at the Ecole Polytechnique Federale in Lausanne, Switzerland.
 
Kaplan, who pushed the envelope of robot intelligence in programming the brain of Sony’s eerily adorable robot dog Aibo, also wonders whether we even want robots made in our own image.
 
"Human-machine interactions will be interesting in their own right, not as ‘simulation’ of human relations," he said.
 
But Levy is convinced the demand is there, and that market forces will provide the financial drive to overcome any technical — or psychological — obstacles.
"It is only a matter of time before someone in the adult entertainment industry, which is awash in money, thinks, ‘Gee, I could make a pile of money’," he said.
A company in Japan, Axis, has already produced the world’s first, rudimentary, sexbot — for men.
 
Called Honeydolls, the lifesize figures are made from surgical-grade silicone and resin, and are equipped with voice-emitting sensors in each breast. Pinch the nipples, and Cindy (or Soari or Maria, depending on the model) will react with a squeal and whisper pre-programmed sweet nothings in one’s ear.
Customised MP3 audio files can be substituted for a more personal touch. Price tag: 7,000 dollars (4,800 euros).
 
Women, too, are bound to be lured to sexbots, contended Levy.
"I don’t think that women will be any less attracted than men — they may be more attracted," he said, pointing to a worldwide surge in the sale of vibrators, boosted by the lifting of taboos, ease of purchase and media endorsement.
 
Levy, who once made a living organising chess championships, unusually wrote his book first then tweaked it to present as a doctoral thesis at the University of Maastricht in the Netherlands.
 
The work has generated what he calls a "tsunami" of media interest since its publication last year and from an unusually broad spectrum of publications.
"In March, I will be featured in Scientific American, and in April there will be an article in Hustler," said the futurist.
 
But what for Levy is a dream of endless sex without guilt or disease is, for others, a nightmare of bleakness.
 
"I think it is far-fetched to think that human beings are going to fall in love with robots," said New York-based sexologist Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of numerous books on sex and sexuality.
 
She acknowledges that sexbots will probably find a niche market, especially with men seeking to fulfill fantasies their flesh-and-blood partners might be refusing.
 
"But there will be a real stigma attached to sex robots. People are still going to feel like losers if that is their last resort," she said.
 
Fulbright thinks Levy is even further off-base when it comes to women. It is a huge leap, she said, to think that because women stimulate themselves with gadgets that they are going to embrace robot partners.
 
"Women may say that they adore and love their vibrators. But they don’t mean that they are IN love with them," she said.

A MIA ROSE IMPOSTER WRITES IN

 

 

Someone Claiming to be Mia Rose Writes: For the love of god. I have a 350z, dez actually picked it out over a year ago. I still have her, and I love her.

‘and the Mexican guy, Manny, who details my car for 20 bucks…’ zomfg.

I hit a bunny going 90 mph on the way back from Havasue this week. fucking was crying and screaming! And then saw the aftermath of the exploded bunny…. I love manny. End of story.

 
Fayner Says: Even though I know for a fact Mia drives a Miata (there were many people there the day she announced "I’m changing my name to Mia Miata!") I decided to post this above email just ’cause the person put in a lot of work trying to impersonate Mia. The picture was a nice touch, too.

MIA ROSE QUESTIONED BY POLICE

Fayner Posts: I rarely hear from Mia Rose, but when I do you can bet your bottom dollar it’s something good I’m about to hear. Yesterday was no exception.

“So Sunday night I sat at home and watched movies,” Mia tells me. “Then I went to sleep. At about five in the morning, I get startled out of bed by someone banging on my front door. ‘Who the fuck is it?!’ I yelled down from the window. ‘It’s the police, ma’am. Can you please come down?'”

“I open the front door, and there’s like ten cops all staring at me. I mean, I know I’m hot and all, but c’mon, right?! Anyway, I let the main cop in and he sits me down. He asks me where I was during the hours of two and four, I say ‘I was sleeping up until the time you started banging on my front door!’ So anyway, as it turns out, my red Mazda Miata was stolen from my parking space and used in a late night 7-11 hold-up or something like that. And to make it even worse, my Miata got wrecked in the ensuing car chase! Can you believe my fucking luck?! Now I have to get another car!”

“Are you gonna get another Miata?” I ask.

“Hell, yeah! I love the Miata! This new one’s gonna be twice as good as the last! I can’t wait!”

VIVID ALT TURNS VIVID GAY

Fayner Posts: So Bianca Dagger comes over this morning all sweaty from the gym. But that’s not what we’re here to discuss.

Along with her cute self she brought along a copy of Vivid Alt’s “The Bad Luck Betties” ’cause she wanted to check out the flick.

So we all sat down to watch it. Frankly, what I saw of it wasn’t bad at all.

That is, until Bianca’s scene came up.

Some guy named Tommy Pistol (I hear Tommy Gunn is suing him over the name) comes on the screen and he’s slicking his hair in the mirror and checking himself out and flashing a switchblade around.

Then he takes out some lube. Or was it hair grease.

Doesn’t matter, ’cause whatever it was he was using it to rub his penis as he looked at himself in the mirror.

Totally gay.

Luckily, it stops, and Bianca kicks the dude’s ass all over the shitty bathroom.

Thanks, Bianca. We almost felt for a second that we were watching a gay porno.

And that folks is the problem with these ALT projects: they’re gay.

JOEY BUTTAFUCCO’S FAMILY SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN ITALY

A 34-year-old Italian man who had sex with a 13-year-old girl has had his sentence cut by a two-thirds because a court decided there was "real love" between the pair.
Antonio de Pascale, a butcher from Vicenza, admitted that he had a four-month long relationship with the girl, who sent him a stream of torrid text messages on his mobile phone.
His lawyers argued, however, that there was a "deep tenderness" between him and the girl and that he had "fallen head over heels in love" after a sexual encounter in his car. They said the girl had consented to every action.
The court in Vicenza accepted their opinion and sentenced de Pascale to only one year and four months in jail out of a possible 12-year term.
Because of a general amnesty for anyone who receives a sentence of less than three years, de Pascale is unlikely to serve any prison time for his Lolita-esque romance.
Antonio Marziale, the president of the Association for the Protection of the Rights of Minors, said the decision was "execrable".
He said: "It is not right to judge whether or not a 13-year-old girl is willing. The law should safeguard young girls who are too immature to make these decisions against adults without scruples."
However, Simonetta Matone, a judge in Rome, said the law must "always look to be reasonable in these cases".
She added: "Every relationship is a relationship and the real maturity, whether physical or psychological, of the minor must be weighed, with the help of experts."
The court decision has unleashed a wave of condemnation in Italy, and even authors of teen novels stepped forward to caution their readers against early sexual encounters.
Federico Moccia, the author of Excuse Me But I Love You, said: "This seems a very strange situation to me. Obviously in a relationship between a child and an adult, the adult has to stop himself. A girl has to be able to value the situation, and a girl this young is certainly not capable. My appeal to 13-year-olds is to wait for your time."

HOLLY WELLIN HAS A THING FOR HILLARY CLIT-ON, I MEAN, CLINTON

Fayner Posts: Sure, TMZ is a ridiculous entity, but we like that kind of "keep me retarded" attitude in this country. That is why we watch. Heck, we voted Bush into office twice, didn’t we? We must be the stupidest people on Earth.
But on to my point. Wait, I don’t have one.
Okay, so last night on TMZ they did a short segment on the British beauty Holly Wellin’s love for Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton. Holly was excited because she wants to become an intern for Clinton and lick her box. That’s what she said, maybe not in those words exactly, but it was along them lines.
One must wonder if Holly Wellin is even legal in this country, let alone allowed to vote for President. Prolly not.
Think Hillary will take Holly up on her offer?
Has Holly been keeping up with her typing skills, as well as her old lady carpet munching tricks?
I guess the only thing we can do is wait and see.
Wait and see.
Wait and see.

NIP/TUCK AND PORN

Fayner Posts: So did anyone see Nip/Tuck the other night? I know the show is out there and borderline retarded, but it’s an addiction hard to handle. So I watch.
Okay, so the whole plot about the porn chick and her guy Ram Peters (I think that’s his name) is wicked fucking corny, but I’ve grown to expect this from the show.
But the part where the one doctor pulls Ram aside and says, what can I do to get this chick (some hot chick) out of her porn contract? And Ram says if you give three old chicks surgical makeovers she’ll be free from her contract.
Now first off, where do they come up with these story ideas? Not from the porn industry. I can’t remember once since I entered this business that a company and a contract girl have been at odds over a contract. Not once. Can you???
And then I got to thinking about if that was a smart move on Ram’s part. Is one young slut equal to three old chicks in terms of profit? And what constitutes an old chick in this business?
I think somewhere around 25 a porn chick becomes old for this business. Not for the real world, of course; 25 is still young in regular society. But if a chick comes into the business at 18 and is still kicking around at 25 she’s old. Sorry to all of you who believe otherwise, but that’s just how I feel.
So I got to work trying to figure out if three old porn chicks are equal to one young one. First I checked the agency sites. Gold Star has 106 chicks working for them (and my math could be off, but only a point or two), and out of that 47 are over 25 years old. That’s almost half of the girls, proving that the trends have swayed from young naïve sluts to seducing older MILF chicks. Over at Shy Love’s ATM agency, 10 out of the 41 chicks are older than 25, one quarter. This is a much lower percentage than Gold Star.
Now let’s assume all the chicks make the same money per scene.
Now remember that Ram gave up one 18 year old for basically three older chicks, and the question is whether that was a smart move.
In the case with Gold Star, it certainly is. You’d make a lot more money with the older chicks. But with ATM you’d still come up short.
Why bring any of this up? Why should anyone even care? What does this have to do with anything at all?
I can’t answer that. I just have nothing else to write right now. Sorry.

THE LAZINESS OF THE PORNO JOURNALIST

Fayner Posts: We are a lazy breed, more so than most I must admit. And I ain’t pointing fingers here; I’m the worst of the worst I like to believe. I don’t know if it is some embedded gene or something we learn as we go, but one thing for sure is that it’s quite contagious.
The real world reporters do things like research, question and investigate in order to get the facts straight so that they can report factual news to the masses who subscribe to their medium. It’s a process long and tiresome, so long and tiresome in fact that at times it actually seems like work.
But luckily we don’t live in the real world. Here in Porn Country we aspire to reach the middle at best, and that gets passed on to the public in the form of cheap journalism.
Not that I’d change it for anything, but am I seriously the only one tired of getting some information and posting it with a question mark at the end so that if I am wrong (something I could find out with a simple phone call or two) it’ll all be okay ’cause I formed it in the shape of a question?
I do it all the time. We all do in this business. It usually happens when a director friend of ours gets pissed at some female talent who is all fucked up at the shoot and then calls us and asks us to write that the chick is a drugged-out skank. But we don’t want to talk to the chick ’cause we promised we wouldn’t say who told us, so basically we write some heading like TIFFANY HOLIDAY FUCKED UP ON DRUGS? and then continue with "sources say apparently blah blah blah…" It’s the best way to get away with as little work as possible while still doing the story.
Genius, right?
The ever-growing tabloid market is demonstrating this technique quite well these days. I’m so proud of them.
The best form of journalistic laziness comes from an inside source who wishes to remain unknown, and begin usually with "XXX Insider Writes". TheRealLukeFord is the king of this. No one is sure if the person writing these things is telling the truth, lying ’cause he’s owed money or scorned at an ex-lover. But we put them up anyway. And somehow their opinions and claims become valid since it’s on a web site. Awesome.
Why do we do these things? Because we love you.
If I were you guys, I’d demand more from us.

JENNA PRESLEY CAUSES CAR ACCIDENT IN BEVERLY HILLS

Fayner Posts: I just got off the phone with Jenna. She was unharmed. Here is what she said transpired.

“I went out shopping to Beverly Hills ’cause I found some extra money in Travis’ wallet, right? I mean, why should he get to spend money on himself?! Anyway, I pulled up to the valet and I guess when I was removing the seat belt my shirt got caught ’cause the next thing you know I’m looking down at my right tit hanging out! But before I could pop it back in it caught the attention of some guy in a SUV in a bad way cause he slammed into a parked car on the other side of the street. That in turn made the car behind hit him. It was an ugly mess. And sure enough, along comes the Beverly Hills police! And they’re asking me questions, asking witnesses questions, everyone who was in a five block radius it seems got questioned about it! I just said sorry, my boob popped out by accident, I didn’t mean for this to happen! He let me off with a warning! He said, be sure to keep them things where they belong! Anyway, it didn’t ruin my shopping spree. Thanks, Travis!”