About Scott Fayner

Former contributing editor at LukeFord.com.

HOW CHANUKKAH GOT ME A BLOWJOB

Fayner Posts: The good thing is there is no hell for the Jewish people. Otherwise I’d be fucked royally.

So yesterday morning I had a boner. Luckily, Lisa Marie was nearby. I asked her for a blowjob.

“Later,” she said. “I need a nap.”

“But you didn’t get me a Chanukkah gift yet! And it ends at noon today!”

After minutes of begging Lisa Marie told me to wake her up at noon for my gift. But I had to go run an errand and returned at around one. Luckily she was still asleep and didn’t realize it was past the noon deadline even though I made the whole thing up ’cause it ends tonight.

Lisa Marie was still sleepy, so I pulled the old “just stroke it” line knowing damn well she’s the kind of girl who needs it in her mouth. So she did. But me and Lisa do this thing where I say something totally funny as hell and she can’t stop laughing, and because I’m so stoned I start making jokes as she blows me. Not a good idea, ’cause all her laughing kinda knocked me off my game and I was unable to unwrap my present into her face. Damn! But Christmas is coming up and what do you know I got her an awesome gift: my dick in her face. Think she’ll love it or what?

By the way, Lisa Marie is now at Gold Star Modeling so go hire her ’cause she is quite the little cocksucker!

HO HO HO!

CHASEY LAIN LAIN’ DOWN THE FACTS

Fayner Posts: By now we all know that Chasey Lain is not dead. The batteries in her vibrator, I’ve heard, are though. That’s a bummer.

Gene Ross had a chat with Chasey and it is on his site Here

I’ve posted it below. Enjoy

Las Vegas- No one was more surprised than Chasey Lain this weekend when she learned she was dead- yet again.

There’s been so many stories about Lain expiring that cemeteries should be named after her. The latest story went out over the Internet when www.xxxporntalk.com picked up comments made by Olivia O’Lovely on MySpace that Lain had died recently. Lain says she doesn’t even know O’Lovely but would certainly love to have a chat with her.

“I’m doing good- I’m not dead, not even close to it,” Lain is saying. “I’m shocked. Is that girl as dumb as dirt or what- that Olivia O’Lovely? I don’t even know her.”

Some people had told Lain that O’Lovely might have been trying to make a point.

“What do I have to do with her point whatever it was?” asks Lain. “If this was spinning off of what happened years ago, that was a federal investigation surrounding a homicide.”

But with the O’Lovely story, Lain said her phone had been ringing off the hook.

“People were asking me am I okay?” says Lain who had just spent some time in New York and Philadelphia. Lain then flew to Vegas over the weekend to attend her son’s birthday.

“My birthday was Friday and his was Saturday,” she continues, noting that she had taken her son and his friends to see a jousting show at the Excalibur Hotel.

“Actually his father is remarried and has another child,” says Lane. “But we all get along. And I live down the street from them. I just had dinner with my son- I mean do you honestly think my son’s dad is going to let me have him if I’m coming back from a heroin overdose? Give me a break.”

Lain talks about the homicide case she referred to earlier.

“I was not cooperative with the Feds,” explains Lain who at the time had been friends with a Russian mobster named Dimitri who was gunned down. What brought Lain into the investigation was that Dimitri’s name had been tattooed on her hand. He was shot nine times.

“He was someone close to me,” says Lain. “I didn’t want his father talking to the Mafia in Russia. I didn’t want to speculate on it. I didn’t want any part of it. They were going to make my life hell. The San Francisco Chronicle wrote a story that porn star’s mob boyfriend was executed. Jesus Christ.”

Lain also claims that the P.R. person for one of the top video companies is a Federal snitch.

“A lot of people know that,” states Lain. “It’s not a secret.”

Regarding the story reported in AVN that Lain was found dead at AEE of an overdose, she notes that Tim Connelly was the one at the time who reported the story. Lain said the AEE incident took place a month after the hit on the Russian guy.

“I was with Heather Hunter in Vegas,” says Lain noting that the girl who died outside the Venetian was found with a badge saying she was Tiffany Chase. Lain, whose name is similar.

“Leaving Las Vegas going back to L.A., everyone started calling me about that too,” she says. “By that time, Tim had already printed front page that I was dead.”

According to Lane, Chase was the doctor of Ali Joone.

“The guy who owns Digital Playground- the Syrian trying to be Armenian,” Lane continues.

“And Seymore Butts was the one who supposedly ID’d the body in the morgue,” Lane adds. “Seymore Butts’ son’s mother lived with me for five years. Seymore would know me dead or alive. And so when I confronted Seymore about it I’m like what the fuck? Are you a fucking moron? He goes Adella [from Digital Playground] made me do it. They made me do it. I go who’s they?”

Lain’ also s claiming that the Chase girl had been given a hot shot intentionally.

“Tim Connelly had done the investigating and all the security tapes were available,” states Lain. “They had me going into a cab with Heather Hunter. Hunter’s manager put me in the cab to go back to my hotel. But everything on tape at the Venetian from that hour disappeared. They’ve never been found. But Tim after that printed an apology and a retraction.”

Besides that, Lain said she was doing extremely well and has her own company, Forbidden Cinema. Her partner, Sonny, owns Forbidden City, a niteclub on Hollywood & Vine.

“We’re up for a Critics Choice award,” she says. “Our first release Chasey Reloaded which was released is nominated. And I just locked down a spot on the Howard Stern show. I’ll be a monthly guest.”

According to Lain, Adam & Eve and the Spice Channel are interested in the softcore version of the movie.

FOR HIM IT BECAME FAST CARS, FOR ME IT WAS FAST WOMEN

Fayner Posts: I know it is quite scary, but if my math skills still exist I’m thinking it has been about 14 years since I graduated from college. That is a long time. In four years, it’ll be 18 years…the same number and age as most of the chicks I get to blow me. I’m slowly believing that this is a good thing. So here is the college experience in a few lines: You go, you spend lots of your parents’ money on drugs and sorority whores, you meet some cool people and then you leave to start your life. Some of the people you meet you’ll lose touch with in years to come; people like my old friend Jimmy.

Jimmy loved porn more than anyone I’ve ever known. He knew all the chicks by name, had VHS tapes everywhere. If I remember correctly, one of his prized possessions was a polaroid of him and Jasmine St Claire at some strip club.

After college, Jimmy went back to NY to race cars professionally. I did, well you know what I did. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him last. So it’s funny that Jimmy accidently came across my name the other day and discovered I have his dream job. This is what he wrote me: Holy shit dude! I came across your name on a site, did a quick search, read a few articles, and found out the fucker I used to get baked with in college is a big swinging dick in the adult entertainment industry. Taylor Rain??? I fucking hate you! Anyways, after 20 years, a few national championships, and being on fire at over 200mph several times, I parked my drag racing operation and moved to Manhattan Beach in February.

Jimmy is excited to come to the Valley and meet some of my friends. I told him I’d maybe get him laid by one of the many chicks who owe me a favor. Any takers?

ONE OF MY FAVORITES TO MERGE WITH ONE OF MY LEAST FAVORITES?

Fayner Posts: It’s Christmas time, a time when people come together in harmony. Gay, I know, but it happens. Lonely people find lonely people and fall in love around this time. The sappiness could choke a reindeer while he’s whacking off.

In the spirit of Christmas, I’m hearing that two industry powerhouses (well, a power ex-whore and a power douche) are planning a merger some time in the near future: Lisa Ann and Seymore Butts.

Now Lisa is cool in my book. She runs her agency well and has always been kind with letting me touch her hefty boobs whenever I see her. I appreciate that.

But Seymore is a fucking joke. He uses the same couch to help his son with his homework as he does to shoot the bottom tier of porn talent. His shirts have no sleeves. Basically, he sucks balls (I won’t get into any personal stuff between us ’cause it is still Chanukkah and that is just wrong).

But they’re joining forces soon I hear to either start some sort of porn company, make one better or begin using porn talent to work in Seymore’s sweatshop making sleeveless shirts for unfortunate children.

I can’t wait to see what becomes of this…

ROUND ONE – BIANCA DAGGER VS BARBIE CUMMINGS VS FLOWER TUCCI VS JASSIE *UPDATED*

WE’RE DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY FROM NOW ON. PICK ONE OUT OF THESE FOUR CHICKS

BIANCA DAGGER (59 VOTES)


BARBIE CUMMINGS (99 VOTES)


FLOWER TUCCI (63 VOTES)


JASSIE (80 VOTES)


Vote to your right and up (look right and up dumbass) for any one of these chicks until two p.m. Tuesday Eastern time..

YESTERDAY’S WINNER!

DAISY MARIE

(with 184 votes to CHEROKEE’S 138)

LEAH LUVS OUR TROOPS

Leah Luv Emails Us: This is such a great opportunity to thank our troops without driving or spending any money. You can do it while your food is cooking its soo quick. And why not?!?!?! It’s the best way to let them all know how much we appreciate them and cherish our freedom. And best of all there are so many of them who need to have their spirits lifted and these cards will really help do just that!!!!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE!!!

Go To www.LetsSayThanks.com to send some luv!

I SPY SOMETHING WITH MY LITTLE EYE…SOMETHING THAT BEGINS WITH “C”

IT’S CUM!

Hi Fayner,

This is Marco Pallotti, and I saw the item on the LukeFord website about Dez popping in girls’ eyes. I’m (obviously) not a porn chick, but over the years I hired Dez a bunch of times to schtup girls for my photo & video productions. As Alaura noted, Dez was notorious for hitting girls in the eye with cum, and did it many times on my set. I had a quick look on my hard drive for photographic evidence of this, and although I couldn’t locate any pink eye photos, I did find the attached photo of Brooke Milano from 2004, where she’s adopting a pose suggested by Dez after he’d just squacked all over her face. If you look closely, you’ll see that a line of cum has just missed Brooke’s right eye, and there’s another line pointing directly at her left eye–where there’s actually a couple drops of spoo on her eyelashes.

You’re welcome to post this photo on the website if you want. TTYL . . . .

Marco Pallotti

Fayner Says: I’m not sure I really wanted any response to the story about Dez always shooting cum in chick’s eyes, but I got one anyways. Sweet.

DID DEZ EVER POP IN YOUR EYE?

Fayner Posts: Dez, Alaura and I were talking yesterday, and I happened to bring up how years ago Wanker Wang wanted to do a movie called “Pop Eye” where unsuspecting chicks “accidently” get an eyeful of jizz. The idea is to watch them squirm in pain as the cameraman tells them to hold still while semen fills their eye. I can imagine it hurts.

“Fuck yeah it hurts! Dez always used to do that to me in our scenes!” Alaura screamed. “And when he worked with other girls, they’d always complain to me afterwards about his unleashing into their eye!”

“That was my thing,” Dez added. “I don’t know, for some reason every load I blew went straight for the eye!”

“Maybe your sperm and the chick’s retina created some sort of magnet, where all the jizz makes a B-line for the eyeball?” I suggested.

“Maybe. You should write something about it and ask chicks to come forward who have ever taken one in the eye from me. I swear there must be hundreds of them…”

Okay, so I will. Any porn chicks taken an eyeful from Dez’s snake please come forward and describe your ordeal. Let us know at fayneralmighty@gmail.com