Category Archives: Pointless Ramblings

NOW THAT’S A CROC

Now this is a Crocodile !


This crocodile was found in New Orleans swimming down the street. 21 FT long, 4,500 lbs, around 80
years old minimum.

Specialists say he was looking to eat humans because he was too old to catch animals. This crocodile was killed by the army last Sunday at 3:00 pm, currently he is in the freezer at the Azur hotel. The contents of it’s stomach will be analyzed this Friday at 2:30pm.

OVERHEARD AT RALPHS SUPERMARKET

TMFR Writes: So I was at Ralphs on Devenshire around 1AM on Friday Night/Saturday Morning, buying some feminine items… and at the checkout line I swear I heard this incredible conversation.

A guy is in front of me at the the checkout when he notices that the rather good looking blonde in front of him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar, he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says “Sorry, do you know me?”

She replies “I may be mistaken, but I think you might be the father of one of my children.”

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. “Christ!” he says, “are you that Strip-O-Gram on my stag night that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my buddies while your friend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my ass?”

“Goodness, no!” she replies. “I’m your son’s English teacher.”

READER RESPONSE: “MICHAEL M IS A FUCKTARD!”

Dear Coke-vacuum, When I first read your post about 9/11, I was really tempted to email you. ( mostly to call you a whiney bitch for crying during a Natl. Geographic special ). But I decided against it when I realized A) I actually agreed with most of what you said, and B) my hatred of you is rooted primarily in envy of any man who spends his days and nights chin-deep in drugs and pussy. However, after reading Michael M’s conservative tirade, I felt compelled to respond. It reminded me once again of the average American’s supernatural capacity for self-delusion.

First of all, 9/11 was indeed tragic, but it was also inevitable. It wasnt Bush’s fault. It wasnt Clinton’s fault. And it wasn’t the result of flawed intelligence gathering. 9/11 was an attack by one or more terror networks, carried out with the indirect support of several 3rd world countries that have each, in their own way, been brutally assfucked by the US and its puppet states. I’m not saying we deserved it. I’m saying we’ve been asking for it.
Secondly, the invasion of Iraq is completely unrelated to the attacks on 9/11. Except, of course, for the obvious fact that Bush would like you to believe it’s related. Although I’m sure there were some terror cells working out of Iraq before the war, they were a fraction of the terror activity being conducted there now. And for that matter, a fraction of the terrorists operating out of the good ol’ USA. Saddam was no radical Islamic fundamentalist. He was nothing more than a power-hungry, secular tyrannt. And although he was a brutal dictator, to try to justify the war by claiming he killed more Iraqis than we have, is the weakest kind of bullshit rationalization. Michael M probably thinks slavery was justified because ‘at least the slaves were clothed and fed’, and so much better off than the destitute savages left back in famine ravaged Africa..?.
Finally, I’m sick to death of hearing pseudo-patriots crow about how the troops in Iraq are “fighting for our freedom”. Excuse me? The troops in Iraq aren’t fighting for my freedom. They’re fighting to advance the economic interests of George W and the corporate svengalis that put him in office. Saddam Hussein wasn’t nearly as big a threat to American freedom as John Ashcroft was or his mini-me Alberto Gonzales. It’s ironic to me that the same wingnuts that prattle on about honoring the soldiers that “gave us our freedom”, are so willing to sign away that very freedom when it’s threatened by covert attacks like 2257. 2257 isn’t about anything so noble as “protecting children”. It’s simply another hamfisted attempt by the Morality Police to drive the porn business into bankruptcy by miring it in legal entanglements. As for Michael M’s closing statement: “…we are all supposed to be one nation, together the last I checked.” I can only respond by asking, since when? Disagreeing with the president and his “precious office” is the right and privelege of every American. But maybe he was confused? Maybe he was thinking of Nazi Germany?
And that’s all I have to say about that. Now gimme some titties.
~ Will M.

ps.
If I’d known about the deal you had with TMFR, I woulda killed that fucking dog myself. Pussy-pink background color notwithstanding, I still love the site.
Wow, I can’t believe I got through this whole email without making any Jew jokes. I must be getting soft.
peace nigga!

Update On The Nick Manning Carjacking

Fayner Posts: I got word that Nick will be fine following an failed carjacking in which he was stabbed in the neck with a pen. Good news.

But there may be some bad news coming soon, which can be filed under “Only in America” if it happens.

You see, the man who tried to steal Nick’s Jaguar but ended up jabbing a Bic into his throat may be filing a lawsuit against the male sex God for a reason not yet known.

Criminals like that guy should have their hands cut off as punishment. Some Countries administer sentences just like that and reap the rewards of a crime-free community. Some call this barbaric. Some call this punishment fitting the crime. I for one am all for a felon getting his just-desserts if found guilty by a court of law and presuming the offense is bad enough.

A rapist deserves a hatchet to the balls, not three meals a day and a fluffy pillow to rest his sick head every night cost-free. I’d be hard-pressed to believe anyone going through the agony of their sack being sliced off would ever think about repeating their crimes, and not just because they’re scrotum-less.

It will be a sad day if Nick gets sued by some crook attempting to swipe his property, fails miserably then finds some loophole in the law that makes him the victim.

One wonders how pathetic a thief must be if he can’t even steal a knife for his robberies.

From the TMFR/LF Mail Bag:

#1 – hey taylor what’s up.I love your movies.I was wondering if u had a yahoo group that u posted in your self or would u like to have one started for u. I was asking because i have been searching all acroos the internet tryin to find one for u aand thats not filled up with spam.so if you dont have one or interested plz get back with me and we could talk about it ok. C-ya sincelry oshea

Taylor writes back – No Yahoo group, just been focusing on starting my website with my webguy Keith. I’ll have Live Chat, daily journal, weekly updates of photo galleries, behind the scenes photo and videos, plus I’ll have a store where I sell my videos, outfits, shoes, panties and will make custom videos for my fans, solo or POV hardcore. I’ve never dedicated myself to a website, so I plan on making this rock!!!! I’ll answer all my emails, I’ll have a webcam in my house on 24/7 and I’ll be able to get really personal with my fans. It launches in 2 weeks, check it out at www.clubtaylorrain.com

#2 – You probably will not get a chance to read this with fan mail etc, but as a passing fan who stumbled on the Luke Ford site by chance, I just wanted to say good work! Your writing was funny enough to make me read the whole site! Glad to see someone having fun with life (not to mention being hot as hell). Good luck with your work. By the way, I have oft wondered why no one has done a spoof film called Buffy the Vampire Layer (would be a fun one. Jenna HAze sort of sounds like Sarah Michelle-Gellar and would be cool if she did dudes gain). The other one I always wondered about was a Smallville spoof with Tera Patrick (she look slike a hotter, older Kristin Kruek). Seems like movie-style porn has fallen by the wayside in exchange for gonzo, which is cool, but I would figure the former would be a little more fun to do for the performers. Anyway, keep up the good work (all of it!). D4

Taylor writes back – I think the Buffy thing was done a few years back by crackhead Kristi Myst. I think Jenna Haze is thinking about doin guys again, if she does I hope she calls me so I can put her in my movies!! Tera Patrick ROCKS!!!! And thanks for the compliments!

#3 – God, trust me, I have seen many beautiful women around the world in my young life, but YOU are really something girl! Besides a fantastic body, you have absolutely gorgeous eyes.. I’m melting here in Amsterdam. When are you coming over visiting me?!X Rogier

Taylor writes back – Amsterdam here I come, I hear they have nice streets there!! Stop dude you make me blush!!

#4 – Why can’t you do an all internal cumshit -vaginal dvd???? Have you evr heard of this porn chick Honey–what happen to her???? EvlHdgeHog

Taylor writes back – I just shot SPUNK IN MY TRUNK, which is all anal, internal creampies. Starring Missy Monroe, Deja Daire, Nadia Nyce and some other hotties. I directed it. I shot some content with Honey for my website, which will launch in 2 weeks, don’t know what’s up with her since.

#5 – Taylor, My girlfriend is thinking about doing a porno. I love the idea – like the idea of watching. The only she won’t do is anal. My questions are – what kind of pay can she expect and that agency should she go through so she doesn’t get screwed by them too? Abraham

Taylor writes back – Non anal, expect between $700 and $1000 depending on how good her scenes areand what kind of reputation she has. Tell her to email me, because me and Kelly Erikson are going to be starting an agency, I am so sick of these suitcase pimp asshole guys running agencies and collecting all this dough from the girls (i should know it happened to me for a few years). These fucking cocksuckers ride around in their mercedes with their Platinum AmEx cards, all for doing nothing except pimpin. Scumbags!! Let them take a dick or two in the ass!! So who better to run an agency then TWO girls who have been there. We won’t be taxin the girls like these fucking scumbag pimps… tell you right now, we’ll take a small agency fee and that’s it!!! Any girl who wants more info, email me at taylorrain@lukeford.com.

#6 – Hi there, Just a quick mail to say you are the best of the best – definetally a grade above the rest!! Oh, shit that ryms – sorry! Are you still keeping busy these days? Me and my english room mate will have a drink for you tonight and if you’re ever in Huntington – give us a shout! Take it easy, Wez

Taylor writes back – I’m so busy dude, I have a garden now, but it doies while i was on the boat trip so i have to fix it. I’m reading mainstream movie scripts. I’m getting ready to launch my website, and i’m directing for Defiance Films and Torrid Entertainment, plus still doping scenes. Yup, busy!If I ever head to Huntington, I’ll email you ahead of time, hav a few bowls ready for me!! Luv ya!!!!!!!!!

#6 – Hi Taylor, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think I know how Bandit #2 died. Sadly chocolate is poison to dogs.
http://www.dogownersdigest.com/news/library/chocolate-dog-poisoning.shtml

The only reason I am letting you know is that I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to Bandit #3. I care a lot for dogs, and I currently
have 3 big dogs. Once again, sorry to be the one to give you bad news, but no more Hersey’s bars for your doggies ok. I’m a big fan, and good
luck in the future. Ben

Taylor writes back – Oh Fuck!!!!! Hey, will Fayner die if I feed him chocolate?

#7 – Hey Taylor. Have you thought about writing an autobiography? Tom H

Taylor writes back – Oh hell yes! I have some ghostwriter dude that’s gonna meet with me and start. Plus I have my new website where I’ll write an autobio whatever journal every day and stuff like that!

TR: WITH OLD AGE COMES A CHANGE IN PRIORITIES

Fayner Posts: I looked after Bandit while TR was on vacation, and was at her house when she returned Sunday.

It used to be that the first thing she did after coming home was smoke weed.

It then used to be that the first thing she did after coming home was play with Bandit. Then smoke weed.

It seems that in her ripe old age of 24, TR has matured. If I didn’t see it with my own eyes I would never believe it.

Hugs and kisses for Bandit was the first priority when arriving, then, without a break in stride TR walked out to the back yard and began working in her new garden.

Ten minutes later she came inside and got stoned. And to think there was a time she needed to bring a loaded pipe with her for a 2 minute drive to the store for smokes.

Little Taylor’s all grown up.