AVN ran the story:

Conservatives Demand to See Comcast’s Revenue From Porn
—‘The ususal suspects want to derail the proposed Comcast-NBC Universal merger unless Comcast promises to ‘not use the public airwaves to distribute pornographic material’

As I was reading the story, I had to ask myself, WTF? It completely doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe I am just a dumb blonde, but what the hell do the two have to do with each other. Shouldn’t it be either one or the other, and not both? Either make your profits form porn public or don’t air pornographic material.

“The Commission should move swiftly to impose a condition on the merger that Comcast make its profits on adult entertainment public. It should also force Comcast to stipulate that it absolutely will not use the public airwaves to distribute pornographic material. Without such conditions, the Commission should not approve a transaction which transfers so many broadcast licenses.

I can kinda understand the whole “let me see your profits” from a company whose board of directors think that porn is the devil. That way they can use the profits as an excuse to ban the porn by making up some excuse that it is not profitable enough or something along those lines, but why do you care what the profits are if you are not going to allow them to air porn if the merger happens. Is it just me or does this just completely not make any sense what-so-ever? If you are not going to let them continue to air porn, what the fuck do you care what their profits were? Can someone please shed some light on this for me?

Of course I think the whole business is a bunch of church going SOB’s that have nothing better to do than to step all over our first amendment rights, and if this merger happens I think not only will the Comcast customer loose, so will the company in general. It is nothing to switch to another provider that airs porn on its airwaves such as Direct TV and Dish Network. So not only does the company loose all the money from pay-per-view porn, it will undoubtedly loose customers, too. But hey, their lose will be the other providers gain.

With the 4th of July less than a week away, why not get into the spirit with these fun DVD’s. You can watch one every day so by the 4th you’ll be so horny you’ll hit on your cousin at the family Bar-B-Que!

Start off with “American Girrrl.” There is nothing like an all American girl to get the juices flowing!

DESCRIPTION: She’s an American Girrrl, and that means she love apple pie, hates terror with a passion, and loves taking it up the asshole! God bless this country, and each and every jizzed-up shithole in it.

STARRING: Cindy Crawford, Sophia, Vanessa Lane, Alicia Alighatti, and Ice La Fox.

Next you should watch “Teagan: All American Girl” since you’re in that frame of mind. And with her long legs, blonde hair and smokin’ ass, Teagan makes for a perfect “American Girl.”

DESCRIPTION: Teagan: All American Girl is a heartwarming tribute to youth, with slow, steamy glances at innocent rites of passage. Watch a beautiful young cast as they discover the sweet art of seduction through child play. With bake sales and car washes featuring Digital Playground’s Teagan Presley and Jana Cova alongside Sarah Blake, Hillary Scott, Kelly Kline and Holly Morgan, Teagan: All American Girl casts a vibrant, sexy light on America’s favorite pastimes.

STARRING: Teagan, Jana Cova, Sarah Blake, Hillary Scott, Kelly Kline, and Holly Morgan.

Now you should set you focus on just one part of that American Girl, and why not put that focus on her Ass! Watch “American Ass“. There is nothing better than when it’s made in the good ole U.S.of A.

DESCRIPTION: Get ready to get fucked! Two Fisted Cum sucking..Awesome ass streching! Deep Anal Fucking!

STARRING: Jessica Darlin, Britney Foster, Anna Nova, Elizabeth Del Mar, Brooke Balentyne, Pat Myne, Mark Davis, Toni Ribas, Frank Gunn, Steve Holmes, and Manuel Ferrara.

Now that your attention is on some fine American ass, why not remember those who fought for our Freedom in this fine tribute: “Operation Anal Freedom.”

Since we are paying tribute to those great American Soldiers you have to check out Stormy Daniels in “Operation Desert Stormy.” Leave it to a women to to put an end to the shit in Iraq!

DESCRIPTION: As one the largest productions to date, this wicked pictures’ blockbuster has it all!!! Action.. romance.. drama… suspense.. and even a little bit of comedy!!! Oay, a whole lot of comedy!! Join award winning writer/director Stormy Daniels as she leads you on the wildest and most hilarious adventure in the history of adult cinema. With the head of the CIA (Randy Spears) presumed dead and word of an impending terrorist attack lead by the evil Hussein (Ron Jeremy), The fate of the world rests in the hands of two unlikely and extremely unskilled heroes. Does a secretary (Storym Daniels)and her wannabe agent husban (Steven St. Croix) have what it takes to put aside their numerous marital issues and travel overseasa to put an end to Hussein’s quest for total world domination.. and his ridiculous get rich quick ideas? With the help of two non nonsens British agents Jacks and Watson, Some beautiful and horny harem girls, and one ornery camel, the “heroes” embark on a sex crazed and explosion filled expedition into hostile territory. Will Operation: Desert Stormy be a success and our “heroes” save the world or will we all be wearing turbans?

STARRING: Stormy Daniels, Audrey Bitoni, Austin Kincade, Eva Angelina, Jenna Haze, Kaylani Lei, Lorena Sanchez, Melissa Lauren, Nikita Cash, Roxy DeVille, Tory Lane, Veronica Rayne, Nicole Sheridan, Derrick Pierce, Marcus London, Randy Spears, Steven st. croix, Tommy Gunn, Tony De Sergio, and Voodoo.

Now we can’t forget what the 4th of July is all about. Those great Americans who fought against a tyrant King to give us a government chosen by the people. So why not watch a movie about a former Vice-Presidential hopeful, Sara Palin in “Who’s Nailin’ Payin?”

DESCRIPTION: Out of all the dipshits in politics that most of us would love to see get the fuck banged out of them, Sarah “Paylin” is definitely at the top of the list. Leave it to Larry Flynt and his team to be first on the block to “poke it” to this awful, awful woman. This flick is bound to be remembered long after most of us have forgotten the woman it is based on… I hope. We just hope there’s some moose fucking in this flick.

STARRING: Lisa Ann, Nina Hartley, Holly West, Jada Fire, Sindee Jennings, Sascha, Mick Blue, Alec Knight, Lee Stone, Evan Stone, and Mike Horner.

And of course, last but not least. “Banging On The 4Th,” isn’t that what we all should be doing this holiday?

DESCRIPTION: Each year, Millions of people look for the Perfect Spot to watch the fireworks. But look no Further!! you just found the best spot in town!!

STARRING: Dave, Mandi Michales, and Tiswin.

This 4th of July remember: Don’t just watch the fireworks, make some of your own!

I want to do a special series here at Lukeford.com but it cost money to do, so I talked Ryan Rayzer into letting me sell a few choice banner ad spaces on the site to raise the money I need.  The cost of the ad is $500, payable via paypal.

So here is what you get.  I will run a story / post about your site, product, service, company (whatever is applicable) and it will be “featured” for a minimum of 30 days.  This means it will be one of the top 3 stories at the site that have a rotating intro graphic off the main page.  You can help me draft the story / post about your company / product / service / movie, etc. or I can write the whole thing myself.  Whatever you want is fine with me.  In short, it will be a post promoting your <whatever>.  Once the 30 days is up the post will remain on the site, however it just won’t have the featured link on the main page.

In addition, you will get a banner ad on our left sidebar that can be no wider than 150 pixels wide.  That banner will remain on the site for a minimum of 3 months.

In addition, Ryan Rayzer or really anyone from this site will be prohibited from posting anything negative about your company, product, service, movie (or whatever you chose to promote) during this time.  No matter how tempted he may be, he absolutely promises that no matter what he will keep his big yap shut.  How can you totally not love that? LOL

But seriously, if you are interested in this very limited ad space click the SUBMIT NEWS link from the main menu and email Ryan.

I will tell you now, everything you are about to read is me just randomly bitching about the stupidity of some people. So if you don’t like my opinions stop fucking reading them dumb asses. Now that being said, let’s move on to my rant of the day ……………..

Every good porn star knows she needs to line up a deal with a solid PR firm to promote her career. That without proper PR she’s just another nameless face is a sea of whores. Well maybe not that bad, but the girls making the big bucks realize the huge value to a good PR agent.

That being said, what passes for a PR firm in our industry sometimes makes my stomach turn.

I get roughly 100 press releases a week, so needless to say I’m quite versed in what passes for a good press release and what needs some serious help.

Liar! Liar! Pants on Fire!

I love when PR firms are so full of shit about themselves. I recall reading a press releasing about the merging of two big PR firms and yet how does one define “big”? Apparently by having two clients. 2!!!!! That’s big? Damn people, I get your job is to make everything sound fucking great, but that’s just beyond fucking funny. You could just say two great PR minds are merging, you don’t have to flat out lie to our faces and try and pretend like you are some New York Wall street power houses. Now that I’ve caught them in a blatant lie, I’m going to question everything out of their mouths. That is why big fat lies in your press releases are always a bad idea. You would think an experienced PR firm would know that.  But let’s move on.

Text is your friend!

By now it should be obvious to most people who aren’t dumb asses, that the easier you make it for people to post your press release, the more likely they are to do it.  In a day of viruses and exploits, the last thing a person running a website wants to do is download an attachment sent via an email.  Anyone who doesn’t know that is just flat out a fucking dumb ass.

But if they don’t take the risk and download your attachments and hope for the best, they are stuck either having to type up your entire press release on their own or just flat out not posting it.  Guess what I chose?  That’s right fuckers.  I have never, nor will I ever hand type your press release for me to post it.  Nor will I ever download any attachment any fucker sends me via email so I could just copy and paste it.    You need to learn that when it comes to press releases, YOU SHOULD INCLUDE THE TEXT OF IT IN THE BODY OF THE EMAIL.

There is this one chick who sends out press releases and to the left she includes all these little graphics about the latest movie the porn star is in and blah blah.  But you know what she has in the middle?  THE TEXT THAT SHE WANTS YOU TO POST SO YOU CAN JUST COPY AND PASTE!

About Me or About You

I know that most people just assume we all know everything there ever is to know about you, but trust me, we don’t.  Even if we do, or could just easily look it up on the internet, often times we are so busy we don’t have the extra time to put in all that work so if we wanted to write a nice little story about you, we can’t because you didn’t bother to provide us with basic information about yourself in your last press release.

A huge mistake so many companies make is not including the very crucial ABOUT section of their press release.  This ABOUT section should include the very basic information about the porn star in question including her website address and twitter page.

Here is a press release I just got about Lupe Fuentes.  They had a great ABOUT section.

About Lupe Fuentes: This 4’9” Latina dynamo is a classically trained ballerina, competed in synchronized swimming and studied a plethora of styles of dance while growing up in Madrid, Spain has always had a deep appreciation of the human form.  She began her modeling and acting career simultaneously in high school and became an instant success landing placements in Spanish teen fashion campaigns, Billboards and pop culture magazines, and Spanish mainstream film, resulting in the “Lupe Fuentes Phenomenon” with her secret desire to show the world her body.  The adult publications soon reached out to her and she responded immediately, leading the foray into the adult entertainment side of the industry.  Lupe can be seen on the upcoming cover of American Curves Magazine, distributed nationwide in Wal-Mart and newsstands everywhere. Check out Lupe’s blog at lupeblog.com and check out her column “Ask Lupe” at Complex.com.

Now this person knows how to write a press release.  I actually post his press releases a lot because that fucker knows what it takes to make it easy for me to post his shit.  He goes out of his way to provide me what I need to make a blog post about whatever shit pushing that day.