Fayner Posts: The good thing is there is no hell for the Jewish people. Otherwise I’d be fucked royally.

So yesterday morning I had a boner. Luckily, Lisa Marie was nearby. I asked her for a blowjob.

“Later,” she said. “I need a nap.”

“But you didn’t get me a Chanukkah gift yet! And it ends at noon today!”

After minutes of begging Lisa Marie told me to wake her up at noon for my gift. But I had to go run an errand and returned at around one. Luckily she was still asleep and didn’t realize it was past the noon deadline even though I made the whole thing up ’cause it ends tonight.

Lisa Marie was still sleepy, so I pulled the old “just stroke it” line knowing damn well she’s the kind of girl who needs it in her mouth. So she did. But me and Lisa do this thing where I say something totally funny as hell and she can’t stop laughing, and because I’m so stoned I start making jokes as she blows me. Not a good idea, ’cause all her laughing kinda knocked me off my game and I was unable to unwrap my present into her face. Damn! But Christmas is coming up and what do you know I got her an awesome gift: my dick in her face. Think she’ll love it or what?

By the way, Lisa Marie is now at Gold Star Modeling so go hire her ’cause she is quite the little cocksucker!

HO HO HO!

#1: Lisa’s biggest fan is a mentally challenged grocery bagger at Gelson’s. Lisa gave him her number and he always calls her and speaks retarded to her.

#2: At TR’s birthday at Spago, I told Lisa beforehand that the place is classy and for her not to dress like a whore. She was. Her excuse? “Hey, I’m wearing panties! Now that’s class!”

Fayner Posts: I’m finally going to Lake Havasu! Dez and Staci, who go every year, I guess felt inclined to invite me since they asked Taylor while I was standing next to her. They probably didnt want me to go, I understand that, but they felt like they needed to out of kindness for the less fortunate.

Not knowing exactly what to expect when I go, I thought inviting Lisa Marie along couldnt hurt the whore-slut-cocksucking-department. She accepted. Good whores usually do

So when Memorial Day comes around, we’ll all be hittin the boat and dong whatever people do when they’re in Havasu. For me, that means blowing coke. For Taylor, that means smoking weed. For Dez, it means playing videogames.

And for Lisa Marie, that means sucking a lot of cock.

"I really think I can get to 100!" she says to me over the phone. "My mouth is ready, my tongue is too. I just need to work my throat out a little bit more of the next week or so and by the time we get there I’ll be well on my way to giving 100 blowjobs! The only downside is that I have to give Fayner one!"

Its sure to be a good time had by all, especially Lisa Marie. I for one will not be sharing a toothbrush with her at any point of the weekend. Smart, aint I?

Fayner Posts: Cable was out the other night in my neighborhood, so in need of entertainment I decided to call Lisa Marie ’cause she is pretty much as fun as TV…more fun than The Cosby show but less fun than MASH.

I bet Alan Alda sucks a mean cock.

That was wrong to say.

Tisk tisk.

But as we were sitting there on the couch watching American Psycho, I thought I was in the mood for a foot job.

Lisa Marie’s the type of gal who’ll do mostly anything…I mean, she was at my place without me having to drug her. So off went her socks, and off she went.

Then I discovered that this young hottie has not one but two amazing talents that she can somehow do at the same time!

This gal can light a cigarette lighter with her toes, and, now this is where it gets tricky…while simultaneously talking about lighting a cigarette lighter with he toes.

I for one was amazed.