TMFR WRITES
I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME! IT IS A TIME TO GET PRESENTS, EAT LOTS OF GOOD FOOD AND PARTY WITH YOUR FRIENDS. ALSO, SMOKE LOTS OF POT OF COURSE! IT’S MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY EVER!
MY HOUSE IN THE HILLS IS ABOVE ALL OF MY NEIGHBORS. THEY CAN HEAR EVERYTHING…THE DOGS BARKING ALL DAY, ME AND KEITH FIGHTING OVER HOW MUCH MONEY I SPEND ON CLOTHES AND OUR LATE NIGHT ROCK BAND PARTIES. PLUS I ALMOST HIT ONE NEIGHBOR EVERY DAY IN MY CAR CAUSE WE ALWAYS LEAVE AT THE SAME TIME AND NEITHER OF US EVER LOOK TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE IS BACKING OUT OF THE DRIVEWAYS INTO THE STREET. HE’S AN ANGRY MAN WHO LIVES ALONE SO HE OBVIOUSLY IS JEALOUS OF MY FAMOUS LIFESTYLE AND HATES ME.
NORMALLY I’D SAY FUCK YOU TO HIM BUT BECAUSE IT IS CHRISTMAS TIME I FELT I NEEDED TO BE MERRY AND BAKE SOME NON-POT COOKIES FOR ALL OF MY NEIGHBORS TO SAY SORRY FOR BEING SO LOUD ALL THE TIME AND HAVING DOGS WHO LOVE TO BARK.
BUT FAYNER KEPT SAYING I’D CHICKEN OUT OF GOING ROUND TO ALL OF MY NEIGHBORS WITH COOKIES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE WAS RIGHT! SO I FORCED HIM AND STACI TO COME ALONG WITH ME! HOLLA! PLUS FAYNER BROUGHT SARA THE BLOODHOUND PUPPY TOO DRESSED ALL CHRISTMAS CAUSE I THOUGHT BRINGING A PIT BULL OR MASTIFF WOULD REALLY SCARE ALL OF THEM. I TOLD FAYNER TO SHAVE FIRST BUT HE DIDN’T. WHAT A SCUMBAG!
WE GO TO THE FIRST HOUSE, THEY HAVE LOTS OF BARKING DOGS TOO! I KEPT KNOCKING BUT NO ONE ANSWERED! I ASKED STACI IF I SHOULD JUST LEAVE THE COOKIES FOR THEM ON THE DOORSTEP. STACI SAID NO ONE WOULD IN THEIR RIGHT MIND EVER EAT STRAY COOKIES WITH NO NOTE. WE WENT TO THE NEXT HOUSE AND THEY WERE HOME. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I WAS SO NERVOUS. HAPPY HOLIDAYS! I SHOUTED THEN ASKED IF THEY WERE JEWISH OR NOT CAUSE WE MADE A BUNCH OF CHANUKKAH COOKIES TOO. THE LADY WAS REALLY NICE.
THE NEXT HOUSE I WAS REALLY SCARED OF CAUSE I KNOW THEY CAN HEAR EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING THAT WE DO. THE LADY ANSWERED AND LOOKED CONFUSED BY MY NICENESS. WE LIVE RIGHT THERE I SAID POINTING TO OUR HOUSE. OH, SHE SAID REALIZING WE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE HER LIFE A LIVING HELL, AND THEN PRETTY MUCH JUST SLAMMED THE DOOR IN OUR FACES. WE SAW KEITH AT THE WINDOW AND HE YELLED DOWN TO THE LADY “DON’T EAT THE POISON COOKIES!”
THE NEXT TWO HOUSES THE PEOPLE WERE REALLY NICE, EVEN THE JEWISH GUY WHO ALSO HAS THREE DOGS THAT FIGHT THROUGH THE FENCE WITH MY DOGS EVERY DAY. THE GUY ONCE TOLD KEITH THAT HE CAN HEAR EVERY CONVERSATION WE HAVE WHEN WE’RE OUT ON OUR PORCH. AWESOME!
BUT THE ONE NEIGHBOR I WAS SCARED TO SEE I DIDNT HAVE THE BALLS TO GO TO HIS HOUSE. FAYNER KEPT SAYING FUCK HIM HE HATES YOU DON’T DO SHIT FOR HIM BUT FAYNER IS A JEW AND WOULDNT UNDERSTAND. BUT I GOT TOO SCARED TO FACE HIM AND JUST SKIPPED HIS HOUSE.
ALL IN ALL I THINK IT WENT WELL. I KNOW THEY ALL STILL HATE US CAUSE WE’RE FAMOUS AND THEY’RE NOT BUT FUCK IT CAUSE TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY RIGHT?
NEXT YEAR WE’RE MAKING A MIX OF POT COOKIES AND REGULAR COOKIES SO THE COOL NEIGHBORS WILL GET TO GET STONED OFF THEM AND SAY THAT TMFR IS A FUCKING AWESOME CHICK!
HOLLA AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS
TMFR
