There is nothing that makes my dick hard more than the thought of a MMO with naked chicks and lots of gore and violence. With news of the release of Age of Conan I couldn’t wait to give it a try simply because the graphics look hot and the half naked chicks are even hotter. FINALLY AN ON LINE GAME FOR ADULTS ONLY. Don’t get me wrong, I love playing World of Warcraft but sometimes the fucking kids that play just annoy the piss out of me. So anyway, I made a trip to my local Gamestop, plopped down my $60 for a copy of hte game and ran home to give it a try.

This is where my long list of bitches about this game starts. This game only included two discs yet I spent more than an hour trying to install it and then another 6 hours trying to patch the updates on the day the game was released.

Now 7 hours into my installation I finally get to see the start screen. The intro movie was very high quality. They paid special attention to make it graphic and violent. That’s great for me but I couldn’t help but think they went out of their way to make it unappealing to females. They almost tried to hard.

Next I got to the character creation process. I found the overall system to be quite in depth but very complicated. Your average user would no doubt find the process tedious and complex.

Once I finally created my character I was taken to a tutorial type island. This is where I should be eased into the mechanics of the game and the layout of the interface. It should be a how to play this game for dummies kind of thing. Instead it was completely a waste of time with almost no real NPC help at all.

The interface was clunky and hard to use. Even walking was a struggle. If you can’t fucking walk in a game, then you fucking failed in making your game. Throw in the half ass tutorial and I was really getting pissed that I just threw away $60 on the game and 7 hours on the fucking installation.

Because I had already invested so much in the game I decided to push on. Surely things would get better. I made it from level 1 to 4 in about 15 minutes. The fighting system isn’t initiative, but if you’ve ever played a game like World of Warcraft you can pick it up easy enough. That is, unless you have to try and turn from left to right. That aside, I pushed forward. I was able to complete one quest. Once I hit level 4, and found my way to the city from the quest, I was able to get one more level without any further instruction or informative quest text.

Throw in the 19 deaths and I just said fuck it. I didn’t see one god damn boob.

Actually in all fairness, I would have given the game more of a try but around level 5 I began to run into other players. These are some of the things that were said …..

“WHERE ARE THE BOOBIES”




“SHOW ME SOME PUSSY”




“THIS GAME FUCKIN’ ROCKZ SOCKZ”




“U KNW ME”

So it was then I realized the rating “M” for mature didn’t actually mean mature and there were more annoying 15 year old little boys looking for some fake game tits than I cared to deal with so I exited the game and promptly uninstalled the piece of shit from my computer.