X-Play and Digital Sin can tell the future!

So I was reading the press release for the new Charlie’s Angels parody and I gotta say these people have balls! If you were to only skim the article you would really think this was the movie to put all other movies to shame! But how do we know, the movie hasn’t even been release yet! Normally a movie is made, then released, and they if it is really good it will get nominated for all sorts of awards and sales will be phenomenal. If it is really great movie, you will still hear about it long after it’s release; maybe even considered a legend. Take DEEP THROAT for instance. But to make such audacious claims when a movie hasn’t even been release is just plain ballsy or just really stupid (I haven’t decided yet). So let’s break down this press release, shall we?

Blockbuster Charlie’s Angels XXX Parody Could Provide Big Boost for Retail Sales
Not Charlie’s Angels XXX is showing every indication of becoming a major blockbuster that could provide a big boost for retail DVD sales nationwide this fall.

Notice the word COULD. Technically any movie that is released Could provide a big boost for retail sales. So really anyone releasing a new movie can make this claim. They are not stating a fact, needing actual proof, this is just an assumption, and a mighty presumptuous one at that. Vivid’s new Batman XXX is making this claim but it has already been released, so you have to assume they are looking at sales figures and not just making a claim out of their assholes! And what indications are they talking about? Pre-sales? But what else? It says EVERY indication, like there is more than one factor to consider. Again, a purely arrogant claim pulled from their ass.

What makes Not Charlie’s Angels XXX even more unique is that it comes from the same comedy team that has brought many of the best-selling adult parodies to fans worldwide including spoofs of The Brady Bunch, Married with Children, M*A*S*H, Bewitched, Monday Night Football, Airplane, Three’s Company and Britney Spears.

This whole paragraph did not make any sense. The movie is MORE UNIQUE…? What? I think they used the wrong word here. To be MORE unique you had to have been Unique in the first place. What made them unique? Gorgeous women (umm, don’t most porno’s have this)? But it never says, it just goes straight to the MORE unique claim.

“This is also the first action-adventure feature movie that I have directed and I loved every minute of it,” proclaimed Will Ryder, the 2010 AVN, XRCO, XCritic, CAVR and NightMoves director of the year.

Now see this is how it is done. They can claim what a great direct Will Ryder is, because they have “awards” to back it up. They didn’t just pull this claim out of thin air like people tend to do when promoting a pornstar.

Destined for numerous award nominations; Not Charlie’s Angels XXX is a fun, wild ride packed with twists, turns, great music and loads of fun.  The 2-disc Collectors Set is packed with extras, bonus sex scenes from Madison Scott, Zeina Heart and Nicole Ray, extensive behind the scenes footage, cast commentary, director/producer travelogue and much more.

Okay, this paragraph just really cracks me up. ‘Destined for numerous awards‘…Feeling conceited much? How they hell do they know, except that it makes the movie sound better when advertising it. The rest of the paragraph is great, but I just can’t stop laughing every time I see the word “Destined

This could be the most entertaining porn movie of the year.  Check out the trailer here  www.sitcums.com/Not Charlies Angel XXX.html

Okay, now I think they are starting to realize that maybe they aren’t fortune tellers after all. So instead of just blatantly claiming the DVD is the most entertaining of the year, they simply say it COULD be! Well, you could be a dumb mother fucker, too, couldn’t you? Not that I am saying you are, but you COULD be! So only time will tell if any or all  of their claims in this highly inflated press release come true.

More XBIZ Awards Drama

Boy what a cluster fuck this turned out to be.   So I’m at Luke is Back today reading a story about Mariah Milano and the category of Web starlet of the year.  It’s a very interesting story and she made some very valid points.

The category I was nominated for was best Porn Star Website. in my category 15 of the 20 nominees don’t even own their sites. They don’t run them or have anything to do with them other than getting a little % check every month and shooting content when their webmaster tells them to.

And of those 15 there are 2 or 3 who don’t even get a % check at all!! They have nothing to do with their sites whatsoever! Ask Amy Reid about her site and how much she gets paid. When I asked her she laughed and said she never even talked to Atlas Media when they put her “Official Site” online. What a joke!

I wonder what the winner uses to make her FHG’s? Does she make them by hand like I do or does she have a template or a variety of templates? Or if she uses an auto submitter like Chameleon? I wonder which TGP’s she submits to regularly?

To me the winners are the 5 girls in this category who actually run our sites and take pride in them and deal directly with our members. Girls like Kelly Divine who busts her big ass to make her site quality and keep it updated and same goes to Nikki Benz and Sophie Dee and Belladonna. They are the winners for keeping it real and representing themselves.

As far as the rest of the awards go to me it looks like a list of the top advertisers all the way down the list. Isn’t that a strange coincidence? I am less than surprised but I have to say that XBiz was the one that I hoped would do things the right way and they didn’t, they did it the same old way everyone has been doing on both sides of the hill. (reference to hollywood vs. the valley)

Am I bitter, not really. Do I think its fucked that myself or one of the other 4 didn’t win? You bet! Look at Belladonna’s site…it’s the most unique site I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand it and it confuses me but it’s all her. She made it that way. It’s how SHE sees it and to me that’s awesome!

Who is this Bob Johnson guy in charge now?  Is this the reason things got so fucked up?

I ask because well, I started thinking about something someone told me about him.  She said Bob Johnson hasn’t really been IN the industry in awhile now.    I heard through the grapevine that he’s had various jobs in the industry but hasn’t really done much at all in the last few years and this is the person XBIZ tasked with picking the winners?

I’m not a big fan of porno parodies but one thing you have to admit is that they sell well and if the fans like them and are willing to shuck out endless money to buy them, then what the fuck do I know?

Will Ryder was the 2010 AVN Director of the Year for his Body of Work.  That win was a pretty obvious.  His movies sell well and this is a “BUSINESS” after all so it only makes sense to award those that reflect well on the money making side of the business.

At the XBIZ awards, he won the people’s choice award for the porn director of the year.

Yes the XBIZ selected winner was Axel Braun, who really hasn’t done much this year in terms of making a splash in the movie world.  Sure he does have a hot new movie coming out but that would be for next years awards.   But what did he do this last year that would qualify him as a better director than Will Ryder?

I don’t know either of them, don’t care to but I’m still smart enough to compare the list of movies each director has done and then compare their sales figures and overall impact on our industry as a whole.

Yet XBiz and their brand new editor Bob Johnson, gave the award to his good friend Axel Braun.  Bob Johnson was so clueless about Will Ryder’s accomplishments this past year that when XBiz wrote up Will’s bio for the XBiz seminar guide he highlighted Britney Rears as one of Ryder’s big accomplishments.  Seriously?  That does the guy not know how to use fucking google?  And THIS is the new head of XBIZ?????

I don’t know why the fuck they fired Steve but they might seriously want to reconsider bringing his ass back if this is the level of competency you get from the new guy.  How can you seriously justify heading up an organizing about an industry you know so little about?