give a guy his own signature dildo and he thinks he rules the world

Fayner Posts: I see how it is now.

People find out about the sweet gift of flesh you have hiding in your trousers, begin gossiping, is it really that big? oh yeah, I saw it myself, it’s fucking huge! and then just like that you go from innocent little chipmunk with the squeezable cheeks to a heartless male-whore too in demand to hang out on a yacht with a bunch of friends during a birthday celebration.

“Jenna jameson might be calling me to fill in on a scene,” Winston told me as the yacht waited at dock for him to show up. “Sure, I wish I was there, but let me ask you, who would satisfy all the needy women back on shore if I’m out on the water with all of you?”

I had no answer.

“No one! That’s who! I have a responsibility to every sexual aching woman out there…to please her in ways only my penis and I can! Live with it, peasants!”

We at Lukeford find Winston’s actions to be callous and greed-filled. There is no excuse for missing Alaura’s birthday party. There may or may not be a hit ordered on Winston.

Also, Jonni Darkko, Todd Todd and Anh missed the party, having promised to attend. They are all on our shit-list.

Shame.