Tag Archives: Alaura Eden

ALAURA EDEN GETS AVN AWARD NOMINATION DESPITE BEING OUT OF BUISNESS FOR THREE YEARS

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Fayner Posts: Alaura came up to me yesteday.

“Wanna hear something funny?” she asked.

I did.

“I’ve been nominated for an AVN Award in the Best Group Sex Scene for I Dream of Jenna 2!”

“Good for you!”

“The funny thing is, they shot that in like 2003. And my name isn’t even on the box cover; they call me Cherokee!”

Later on, Tony Testa remembers also working on I Dream of Jenna 2 (as either the behind the scenes guy or the fluffer for the dudes, I can’t remember which one he said).

“They put that movie out? God, that was a long time ago! I just assumed it sucked and they didn’t release it.”

We here at Lukeford ask of you, the loyal readers, to stand outside the AVN office and bombard all employees with rotten vegetables until they give Alaura the trophy. I’ve always wanted one of those things on the mantle above the fireplace. Call me a fag, but I just love the way them things sparkle…

WINSTON BURBANK FLAKES ON ALAURA EDEN’S BIRTHDAY PARTY: “I COULDN’T GO ‘CAUSE MY PENIS IS TOO AMAZING!”

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give a guy his own signature dildo and he thinks he rules the world

Fayner Posts: I see how it is now.

People find out about the sweet gift of flesh you have hiding in your trousers, begin gossiping, is it really that big? oh yeah, I saw it myself, it’s fucking huge! and then just like that you go from innocent little chipmunk with the squeezable cheeks to a heartless male-whore too in demand to hang out on a yacht with a bunch of friends during a birthday celebration.

“Jenna jameson might be calling me to fill in on a scene,” Winston told me as the yacht waited at dock for him to show up. “Sure, I wish I was there, but let me ask you, who would satisfy all the needy women back on shore if I’m out on the water with all of you?”

I had no answer.

“No one! That’s who! I have a responsibility to every sexual aching woman out there…to please her in ways only my penis and I can! Live with it, peasants!”

We at Lukeford find Winston’s actions to be callous and greed-filled. There is no excuse for missing Alaura’s birthday party. There may or may not be a hit ordered on Winston.

Also, Jonni Darkko, Todd Todd and Anh missed the party, having promised to attend. They are all on our shit-list.

Shame.