Niiiiiiiiiccccceeeee! I like... DCypher posts: Went out Halloween night with the dynamic duo of Hannah Harper and Ava Rose. Hannah was an obvious Alice in Wonderland, in more ways than one, and Ava dressed as a sexy devil girl with bunny ears or a rabid NASCAR pitcrew fan very big ears. She looked hot either way!!!!

While we were preparing to make the rounds trick or treat kids showed up at my casa and began insisting that I was UFC fighter Tito Ortiz, the Huntington Beach Bad Boy. Our short debate ended in them stealing all my Halloween candy and running into the darkness screaming like little girls leaving a trail of Three Musketeers and M&M’s in their wake.

After the incident I naturally considered not dressing up at all and telling people that I was Tito Ortiz, like I did at Burning Man, but opted instead to don my Tequila Shot Man costume and ridiculously bushy bad pubic mustache. In honor of my festive garb libations were heartily consumed by my buxom companions as we attempted to concoct a believable story as to why Alice, the Bunny Devil Girl, and Tequila Juan were all traveling together. I abstained from Patron shots, ironically enough, because I was driving, and we sauntered merrily into the night.

The first party we hit was in the middle of some ghetto ass neighborhood off of Pico and Crenshaw. It was for Kimberly Kane’s new movie release Triple Ecstasy from Vivid Alt. There was literally nowhere to park so we took a chance and parked illegally. Floods of people dressed in their ghoulish best streamed out of side streets jammed car to car. I escorted my crew across Pico and to the entrance where a veritable army of security frisked and checked us, gruffly barking orders, before sending us through a full scale metal detector like the ones airport screeners use to make you strip down before boarding. The head security, obviously not adjusting well to civilian life after years of working for heavy hitters like MC Hammer, dismissively waved us up the stairs where a line of ultra Emo kids patiently waited to be cleared off the list.

Once inside the club, Catch One I think it was called, everything seems to take off. It’s packed with people, all Silverlake hipster types, Goths, Emo’s, and art crowd, intermixed with eclectic porn personalities. It’s not a bad time all and all but I’m worried throughout the duration of our stay about coming out to find my car stolen or towed so after posing with KK, Eon McKai, Gia Jordan, Pete Warren, Jason Sinclair, Jade Starr, and avoiding Luke, I dash back out and drive around the block a few times looking for a more suitable place to park.

After watching bangers strip cars between Venice and Pico I cruise around the front of the club and my posse rolls out and we just bail, heading back up surface streets towards Hollyhood to the Lexi Tyler Forbidden City party.

Parking is $25 next to the Avalon. The list for Lexi’s party closed at 11 the door girl tells us and begins demanding we pay $30 a head, despite bringing hot chicks.

“There’s plenty of hot chicks in there already,” insists the plus size Aztec princess and assures us that there is nothing we can do but pay or leave because we aren’t getting in any other way. The girls grow frustrated but reject my offer to pony up the door charge on principle. My attempts at suave negotiations seem to have fallen on deaf ears and hardened hearts. The door girl is immovable, in more ways than one. She seems to have the malicious glint that suggests she hates pretty porn stars and is loving denying them entrance. She’s really enjoying the power her position affords her. It seems that the evening is now a total bust, that I have humiliated myself in my ludicrous costume for nothing when we could have all stayed home and gotten hammered instead. I start doubting my decision not to be Tito for Halloween and wonder if I can convince her that I really am him in disguise in order to slide us through.

Barrett Blade shows up and calls Ryder Sky who comes down then fetches Monstar. Monstar instructs the cruel woman to let us in immediately just as Mike Kovaks and his crew roll up. Crestfallen to have been so easily overruled, her mammoth pride wounded and yelping like a pup, she withdraws to lick her wounds and we slide through but not before bribing the security with a $20 because Hannah can’t find her ID.

Once inside we are led through a maze of rooms and upstairs, wrist bands examined first, to our exclusive porn fiesta. Lexi Tyler looks AMAZING. She is giving an interview with what looks like Pamela Peaks but I can’t be sure. Nick Manning, of dropping loads fame, stops me and says what up. Justin Cyder is chilling in the spot. Lexi’s main man, Derrick Pierce, is dressed like the Mad Hatter. He shows us love and lets me take his picture but the shot doesn’t turn out. Half the shots I take are lost in the strange red light of the upper room making the place look like a spooky bordello. Barrett dressed like clockwork orange and half the guys there were Scarface I think. Some tall manly woman dressed like a dominatrix keeps popping out of the crowd and assaulting girls with a riding crop, smacking their exposed asses with ferocity, then mirthfully giggling and hiding before the girls can see who struck them. She lunges out of the crowd in time to nail Ava as she passes. I assume that they know each other and find myself confused later when I discover she’s just some random lunatic drunk with power hitting girls. In an uncharacteristic move for the demure blonde, Hannah shames her into retreating and she disappears from the party altogether. The room is tight, the drinks are astronomically overpriced, and despite being filled with friends the party is also tainted with a couple of douche bags, so we decide to roll out. It’s no great loss to be honest but I’m glad we made the rounds and snapped some pix. We’re back at the casa before 1:00 and spend the rest of the night drinking and watching DEXTER season one.

Next year I really do plan on attending at least one party as Tito. I will wear one of his Punishment Athletics baseball caps.

In the meantime check out the meager gallery I managed to slap together after having my laptop repaired and have a great weekend.


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