AN INTERVIEW WITH…
Fayner Posts: Woke up today wanting to talk to someone. Of course PA of the Year Nate Hall was nursing a hangover and was in no mood to converse, so I asked his massive penis Carmine if I could interview him for the site. He agreed. Sweet.
FAYNER Good afternoon
CARMINE Not for me
FAYNER Why is that?
CARMINE C’mon! If you were as beautiful and massive as I am and not being shared with all the sluts Nate knows wouldn’t you be having a shitty day too?
FAYNER I would, but of course I’m not speaking from experience.
CARMINE Well then, take my word for it – I should be out being worshipped like the massive and gorgeous dick that I am. I mean, Nate got drunk last night and passed out alone. That blows for me, no pun intended.
FAYNER Shit man, you should have came to Danny and Ahn’s with me for the New Years party. Tons of whores. Missy Monroe would have gave you a good sucky-sucky. She would have blown me and my dick ain’t nearly the miraculous work of art that you are.
CARMINE See what I mean? It’s like having a Ferrari but no keys for it. And don’t get me wrong, Nate takes care of me late at night in bed with his hand, but I need more, you know? I mean, he could at least try and get me into his mouth every now and then, right? Shit, it was fucking New Years Eve and I couldn’t even get some extra attention.
FAYNER Just so you know, I made a bunch of calls to chicks telling them about you.
CARMINE Really? Like who?
FAYNER I called Ariana Jollee and Dani Woodward. A couple more too. I can’t recall.
CARMINE Wow! You did that for me?
FAYNER Sure did. Nate got pissed off about it.
CARMINE I gotta have a chat with him about that.
FAYNER I would if I was you.
CARMINE I will. I mean, I get stuck sitting around lonely all the time while he drinks his Coors Light and smokes weed and plays his gay-ass Madden video game all day without ever complaining.
FAYNER You’d think that with all the hours he puts in holding that damn controller he could at least throw you a bone every now and then. That stinks.
CARMINE Could you tell him to maybe get a hooker over here to please me?
FAYNER That cheap fuck? Good luck! He wouldn’t even buy air if it cost 5¢ a year.
CARMINE Damn! What a fucking tight-wad! I give up!