(Last weekend I signed at Zone D Erotica in Houston, Texas… this is how it went – TMFR)
After a long day of work and making people smile the last thing we wanted to do was go out with a bunch of texans that don’t know how to really party! But Ellie and i said fuck it! Lets do this! Lets see what these people about!
What I learned about texans: first off they are not original. They all wear the same strip button down shirts (lame).
Also they were asking me where I’m originally from. I said “the OC”. Oh like the show the OC. You can’t compare are hood to the OC. Then someone else said to me. When you say the “valley” that reminds me of clueless the movie. How lame!!!!!! So I asked this guy that is from Austin. Does the real world Austin, show the real Austin or are we missing stuff. He said it’s not all about just getting drunk in bars and clubs. We have great national forests, and natural hot springs and we go off-roadin. What a loser!!!!!
This other guy thought he was a baller dancing with hookers and drinkin champagne out of the bottle. The owner of the club told me he was a billionaire. I was like duh! You don’t think i can point this shit out. I think texans try to hard to impress people and that’s not hot to me.
This other guys name was Dallas and his brothers name was Houston. Oh how original is that? So i asked him if there was anybody in his family called austin. He said “no” but its on reserve for when he has a child.
Everybody had the treo or the flat cingular phone. Dallas did and so did Houston.
The lady that took care of us was even trying to impress us. We have a VIP table and only certain people can roll thru. And kept repeating that we have a VIP table. Big fuckin deal!
The only cool person was the owner of the club. His name was Jonathan and club was called Joya! He was also a Jew. That was the first Jew i met in Texas. He showed us a good time and made sure we were drunk and stupid. And we were getting high in the office. That was rad!!!!!
Oh yeah Houston people don’t really like potheads!!!!!!!! So many people said no to me! Whatever!
LA IS HARD!!!!!! HOUSTON IS WHACK!!!!!!!
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we are not trying to be cool we just are and Houston people were always trying to be cool and that’s whack!!!!!!! Sorry Houston dudes! You guys will always suck unless you move to la!
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