Sexual secrets are anything sexually connected that is kept concealed. These are not the kinds of secrets that couples disclose inside a close relationship, but rather secrets that can be hidden from partners and the outside world. The problem is, this isn’t always a good thing. Sometimes it’s much better to talk about these ‘secrets’ and discover more about our partners in the process. Read on to find out what kinds of things are usually hidden from one another and why it might be better to get everything out in the open.
Masturbation
Masturbation is a sexual secret that isn’t that hidden after all. Partners often assume the other sometimes masturbates, whether they admit or discuss it or not. Masturbation, however, may be obsessively concealed if one or both partners see it as a betrayal. Or they might be concerned that something is wrong if their spouse masturbates, thinking that they should only be satisfied by sex with one other.
The distinction between masturbation and partner intercourse is like comparing a snack and a feast. Masturbation may be soothing or relaxing, or it can help you cope with strong times of arousal. Still, it seldom provides the feeling of occasion, connection, or accomplishment that is associated with lovemaking.
Fortunately, better sex education should persuade future generations that masturbation is a natural way to learn about one’s body in ways that may be extremely beneficial to partners. It may be soothing as a once-in-a-while or everyday practice, and it will not damage you or anybody else. Some couples masturbate simultaneously, which can be both exciting and useful in demonstrating to one other how you love being touched.
Fetishes
In general, a fetish is anything – typically other than the human body – that causes sexual excitement in and of itself. Rubber, particularly rubber clothes, undergarments, boots, or high heels, is a common example. Sometimes the person prefers to wear the item themself or urges their partner to wear it, which may be seen as a rare and perfectly acceptable variation on lovemaking. For example, you might like to see your spouse dressed in frilly underwear or get aroused only if you or your partner wears a certain fragrance.
Fetishes are usually nothing more than a strong need to incorporate an object or concept in fantasy, lovemaking, or masturbation. Individuals who have a fetish might desire to hold the object(s), rub themselves against it, kiss it, touch it, enter it, wear it, or be near it on their own. Problems often occur when the amount of time spent focusing on the item begins to interfere with daily living or lovemaking.
In some relationships, one spouse tolerates, or even ignores, the other’s obsession. Some partners are able to engage, while others are unable to continue the relationship until the fetish is removed. Initial reactions on either side may not be your reaction if you have more time to think about it and perhaps additional facts. Some couples feel that confiding in friends is beneficial. Even just browsing the internet for additional information may be helpful.
Porn
Relationships and jealousy are often two words that go hand-in-hand, and whilst some couples take a more pragmatic and laid-back approach to their partners watching porn, others struggle.
The number’s don’t lie though, and according to Pornhub’s 2019 Year in Review there were 42 billion visitors to the website that year. That’s the equivalent of every living person visiting the website 5 times in 2019 alone.
It doesn’t stop at porn either. According to the website Erobella, there have been over 600,000 searches for sex in Wuppertal related terms in the past 12 months alone – and that’s out of a total population of just 354,000 people. It makes you wonder just how many of these searches were kept secret from partners… our guess is quite a lot!