Danny DukesDCypher posts: Latinophiles, more commonly referred to in the barrio as “brown washed” or “reverse coconuts” like multiplatinum artist and Silverlake resident Beck, not to mention reality television show celebrities like Kat Von D, have been down with porn’s numero uno cholo PACO aka Danny Dukes, since Johnny Depp was buying lids of grass on 21 Jump Street…which is to say…a donkey’s ball hair short of eternity.

Still every now and then I’ll be cruising down Alvarado street in my lowrider playing K-EARTH or some Kid Frost with some new heina and mi ruca will try to front like she hasn’t heard of him before. Mentirosa!

Since I have more patience than Lalo Alcarez, Cristóbal Colón, and Lou Dobbs combined, I will pull to the curb and explain to mi corazon that when Down aka Kilo says he “leans like a cholo” with his “elbows up, side to side” he’s actually giving shots out to the OG Paco, who brought the world the Rose sisters shortly after they inexplicably fled Roy Garcia’s loving care.

Last night I spoke to Paco by phone about his newly acquired status as a bachelor. While he was hesitant to go into any details regarding the breakup, always the gentlemen, he was quick to let me know that singles life was just his speed and that he very much appreciated the taste of frosty cold beer the way an epicurean might enjoy a finely aged cheese. After a series of nearly incomprehensible demands, strained through vesuvian giggles, I promised him we would hit up my favorite strip club Crazy Girls in the near future and pleaded with him not to drink himself to death by accident like his former roommate.

Ladies…be forewarned. Danny “Paco” Dukes is now on the prowl and ready to paint the town red; redder than a Habanero chili, redder than Tecate, redder than former Mexican President Vincente Fox’s face when they hit him with that corruption probe this morning! Odds are that he ain’t going home solo any time soon though, not with that lean. Que onda LOCO!

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