fuck it i’m bored and i wanna blog….

You’d think that meant I had something important to say . I don’t . not really.

Just gonna throw out some random thoughts …


Diets suck.I have been on both sides of the scale. literally!!.My weight has plummeted back and forth most of my adult life…but never as bad as this past year. In my career, I nearly starved myself the majority of the time to try to keep up with "industry " standards. I tried every kind of diet pill , excersize , diet and fad. We are all born with unique genetic qualities…and for the most part , I am comfortable with mine.

Then, I went through a severe depression , started drinking and taking comfort in food… thing you know , I was heavier than I had ever been.For someone who has based an entire career on the way they look, this is a difficult thing to go through.

For a while it was easy , I told myself that I was happy being that way because I had spent so long having such discipline on my body ..I was happy to finally let it go a bit and not care. But at the same time , I was so much more insecure than I had ever been. People were writing about it  on websites and discussing my weight , calling me mean names. Even making fun of my height!! ( for those of you who don’t understand this concept – hieght  is actually genetic. Unfortunately , I cant  do anything about it ).

 Mind you , I was a little overweight by industry standards ..but certainly still a healthy weight for an average girl. I honestly feel bad for a lot of those Hollywood starlets , I can hardly imagine what they go through.And with such mean bloggers and hateful people out there’s no wonder we have a society where young girls actually believe they have to starve themselves and become skeletal to even feel attractive anymore. The scrutiny and pressure those girls must feel is unimaginable.

Does anybody out there actually believe people CHOOSE to be overweight? Do people not think that it may be something deeper , or a very personal every day struggle for someone? Do you think your criticsms do anyone any good? Are you so perfect in your own life that you have any right to judge someone else …especially solely based on their outward appearances?  You people are what’s wrong with this world. You are the cause of many young , beautiful dying girls.

I was never "obese" ..but my heart goes out to those of you that are struggling with your own weight too…

Every day women , Hollywood women. All women.  Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone…and by the way , I thank god for blessing me with a man who found me at my worst and loved me just the same. Yeah , most guys in the same position could go date supermodels, actresses and tons of gorgeous women with just a simple phone call..but it speaks volumes about character that someone took the time to get to know what was inside and didnt care what other people thought or said.

I have actually lost around 30 lbs in the past month…and I’m still dieting. I’m cranky. I’m irritable. I’m sober. I’m bored…and I want to eat junkfood til i burst. Anybody out there feel the same?

A famous friend of mine told me once that Hollywood basically lives by a general rule "All that I am is not enough". I believe that statement to be true.Isn’t that sad? That’s why people botox,collagen , starve , drink , drug etc. …I certainly bought into that idea when I was younger. I had lots of painful surgeries trying to cure this severe low self-esteem. I always felt inadequate. Hollywood is setting the example for everyone else because we glitz and glam it up on magazine covers.Here’s to you , Hollywood.Way to go.

Another thing on my mind.. vindictive , spiteful women…please stop it. Seriously. If it’s over , it’s over. Be it a friendship , a relationship , whatever. Let it go. Find a hobby . Make peace with it . Love yourself enough to not carry all that baggage and hate. It’s pointless and ineffective…like bon jovi once said

" you give love a bad name "  haha. 

Come on people, and women especially ! Let’s stick together! All I’m saying is that we could all try to be a little kinder as a whole. we could reach out to those in need instead of making fun of them. We could express ourselves in positive and constructive ways. we could do our best to rise above those that want to drag us down. We could do our part to make ourselves better people , therefore making  this world a better place to live in and a better place for the next generation.We could be kind to our ex lovers and ex friends and even strangers.. even if we feel they did us wrong. We can respect our parents and our elders , and teach the young how to laugh and how to love.We can sympathize with those less fortunate , we can pray for those with hate in their hearts. In fact , I think it’s our responsibility.

I believe in random acts of kindness and i think we should do one good deed for someone else every day. I know what you’re all thinking..blah blah a perfect world…..but the world is only what we make it. Give it a TRY.

You know what else I think:

I think I should go now before I open my big mouth any further .

or make a sandwich


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