Fayner Posts: So it was around three am Tuesday morning. I was headed home after a long night playing bingo with the boys. I was tired, stoned and wanting sleep.

Turning onto my street I saw an animal in the distance walking towards me. At first I thought it was a coyote but then when I noticed it was black and white I realized it was a dog. A puppy, actually. A big puppy.

It ran over to my car crying. I pretended I didn’t notice ’cause I knew if I started caring I’d be stuck with a dog trying to find its owner in the middloe of the night.

I couldn’t take the crying anymore, and called the dog to the door. She jumped in and licked me. I took off her tags and used a lighter to check the phone number ’cause I have no interior lights in my car.

I called the number. Then my phone died.

Did I want to bring the dog home with me where there are four already, two of them being vicious pit bulls? I knew what Jesus would do in this situation. I knew what GOD would do, too. But I wasn’t sure what Mohammed would do.

What I did though was sneak it into the house before the pit bulls could get a whiff of the new dog and lock it in the office. I continued calling the number for the next hour while the dog cried.

Finally, I took it into my room and tried going to sleep. The dog paced and yelped until just after eight in the morning. I didn’t sleep one bit.

I made one last call to the house before I planned to take it to the pound. Luckily the lady answered the phone.

"You have my dog?" she asked.


"Thank God! I was at a CD release party last night and…"

"Sorry," I interupted, "but this dog has been crying for over four hours straight and I haven’t slept. Do you mind if I just gove you back your dog?"

"Oh, I’m sorry! Sure, where are you?"

As I walked the dog down the street to the owner I pictured her handing me money for saving her dog’s life. She didn’t. She did tell me about her night. I didn’t care. I wanted money. Or blood.

Thankfully for me, thought, the dog left a scent in my room and for the next hour I laid in bed trying to sleep while the pit bulls tore through the room looking for the owner of the scent.

I hate dogs.

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