Fayner Posts: I’ve come to conclude that I truly hate using a tape recorder. In quick one-two punch drunken conversations there is no need for a tape recorder. I like those kind of interviews. Ones that require actual remembering are the ones I have trouble with.

First off, I use the same tape for every interview and I just start it wherever I left off with the last chick and many times the first chick and the second chick sound exactly alike and we’re usually always talking about something stupid so it’s real hard pinpointing where one begins and where one ends…pretty much I rate it about as fun as taking out the trash and then seeing that some ants have clinged onto you and then you start scratching for hours and you can’t stop thinking that there’s a colony of fucking ants crawling over your entire body.

Did you just read that? Sorry.

My tape recorder, I’ve just discovered, has this tiny little glitch where it sometimes doesn’t record for minutes at a time and then returns like nothing happened.

We begin our chat (not recorded) with darling porno starlet Mia Rose and the sound begins some minutes later at this exact point where I begin below. I’m not too sure what we were talking about just before this…

MIA ROSE Hey, you know what? It’s good to be known for something, even if it is white powder all over your face. You should be proud.

FAYNER Thanks.

MIA ROSE I’m just kidding, Fayner! [To self] Oh my God, I’m covered in powder!!

FAYNER What kind of powder? Can I snort it? [Fayner leaps across room and shoves face in Mia’s lap]

MIA ROSE Fine, if you want to snort what’s left of me filing my nails, go ahead. You’re so gnarly.

FAYNER You wanna know what I snorted that was really gross?

MIA ROSE Do we have to go here?

FAYNER Fuck, ya. You know those little white Chinese things that you throw to the ground or someone’s head and they make this little explosion like a snap?

MIA ROSE Yeah, I love those things!

FAYNER I snorted one.

MIA ROSE Oh yeah? Well, I snorted a pussy willow…



FAYNER That’s awesome! So, what’s your favorite flower, Mia Rose?

MIA ROSE My favorite flower is an orchid.

FAYNER And not a rose?

MIA ROSE No. Roses ’cause they’re red, and red is my favorite color. And I couldn’t be Mia Red, right? That’s dumb. So I’m Mia Rose.

FAYNER It could be Mia Rosa. Doesn’t rosa mean red?

MIA ROSE That’s stupid Fayner.

FAYNER No it’s not.

MIA ROSE Yes it is.

FAYNER No it’s not.

MIA ROSE Yes it is. Why is your name Fayner?

FAYNER It’s my real name.

MIA ROSE No it’s not.

FAYNER Yes it is.

MIA ROSE No it’s not.

FAYNER Yes it is.

MIA ROSE Yeah, your last name.


MIA ROSE What’s your first name?


MIA ROSE Oh, yeah. Scotty!

FAYNER Can we take a break, please?

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