Fayner Posts: Travis Nestor of Zero Tolerance called me up this morning in a frantic state.

"Dude, I need you help!" he spitted through the phone.

"Is that gerbil stuck again?" I asked.

"Fuck off. Listen, there was this cat that’s been hanging around our place for weeks, right? And Jenna goes and feeds it, well, not just feeds it but goes out and buys cat food for it. Fancy Feast or some shit like that."

"Let me guess," I interupted, "the cat never left?"

"Right! I mean, damn! So I don’t know but the word got out to all the other cats in the area and now we have seven ragged cats bouncing around the house! Jenna won’t stop!"

"Does she even like cats?" I asked.

"That’s the thing! She fucking hates cats! But a couple weeks ago we heard a coyote attacking a cat in the middle of the night and since then she’s been devoted to saving them all from a sure death."

"But, wait, aren’t you deathly allergic to cats??"

"She doesn’t care! It’s all about the cats these days! I slept on the patio for the past three nights ’cause the cat hair is so bad!"

"So what kind of help do you need from me?"

"Can you ask Taylor if I can borrow Bandit for the afternoon so he can come over and break all their necks?"

"Are you actually asking me if I’ll work on getting a pit bull to come and murder a bunch of mangy felines in your apartment?"


"I would be happy to."


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