Fayner Posts: Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either when Mia told me she’s never actually seen a beach with her own two slutty eyes.

"You got to be shitting me!" I exclaimed.

"It’s true," she replied.

"You mean to tell me you’ve never sucked a cock on the beach before?"


"You’ve never been on all fours getting thoroughly railed on the beach before?"


"Never even taken a load across your pretty little whore face on a beach? Ever?


"So this will be your first time?"

"Yes. But I have seen the ocean, only there were glaciers, not sand. It was in Alaska."

"Well, Mia, on behalf of the population of the Earth, let me cordially welcome you to what is known as the beach."

Mia spent the next five minutes tip-toeing up to a pile of seaweed as if it were about to attack her. She asked what it was. I told her it was whale poop. She didn’t believe me. I offered to eat some for money. She wouldn’t take the bet.

So I know what you’re thinking, that I took Mia on a romantic day-trip out to Malibu to fuck her senseless on the beach with a blanket close by and a bottle of wine with the cork jammed down into the bottle ’cause I can’t afford a corkscrew. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. Mia was in Malibu shooting a super-secret porno I’m not allowed to even mention ’cause the premise is so damn good you all would steal it in a second and my friends who are making it would be forced to share all the profits with you. But I will say that I played a tiny part in the scene, I wore fake ears and said the word "lordship" in my dialogue. That’s all your getting from me you sucka MCs!

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