Fayner Posts: So it was Friday night in Nantucket, almost midnight, and I was a bit tipsy. Taylor was back at our house feeling like crap, so it became my sole duty to hit the town and say goodbye to everyone who treated us so nicely while we were vacationing on the island.
Taylor had been calling every twenty minutes demanding I come home and bring her Marlboro Lights.
"C’mon, dawg!" she hollered into my phone, "I need to be smoking something and you better hurry before I smoke all these Kush joints instead!"
Around this time I was sitting with "Blurry Rocks" and his woman Jill (imagine their sex…"Oh, Chris!" "Oh, Chris!" and how weird it would be calling out your own name during sex) in her backyard. Oh, yeah, some Irish guy was also there and waiting for his girlfriend and her "hot" friend to return drunk from a local bar.
They showed up. Both of them were hot. The hotter one was American. The Less-hotter one, an Irish gal, instantly decided to protect her hotter friend from the likes of me. I got lots of "stay away from her!" and "she’s mine!" and "I don’t like you!" and "That ass is mine not yours!" that only made her drunk/hot friend want me even more than she did. You see, half-decent looking men on Nantucket in September who do not have pink sweaters over their shoulders are quite scarce indeed. I was so in.
They went downstairs. I followed. Using my super wit, I took their playful "we have the same boobs" banter one step farther and talked them into showing me their fine chests.
"Very nice," I said. "They are the same!"
I could sense that the hot chick caught my scent of desperation, and with that began a back-and-forth flirt for about an hour.
An hour later and I was real drunk. Horny, too. I wanted to get head from her, and she wanted to give it to me. But the dumb Irish chick just wouldn’t give a nigga a break.
"Listen!" I yelled. "I’m just gonna show you my cock and then we’ll all get along, okay? Will that make you happy?" I didn’t know where I was going with this, but anything was worth a try at this point…yeah, this chick was super hot!
"Show us!" they both screamed. "We want to see your cock!"
So I did.
Things like "very nice" and "oh, I like it" and "no, it’s not small" were said. No, really.
"Now I wanna see your tits again!" I told them both. They did.
"I love how our tits are the same!" the Irish chick yoddled.
"Well, yes," I replied, "but hers are better than yours! Just a little, though."
That did it…
"How dare you say that to me!" Irish-Whore hollered. "You’re a fucking asshole! Get the fuck out!"
"Um, yeah, it was a joke, but if you’re gonna flip out on me and try and kick me out, let me remind you that you live in the basement of my friend’s house and I doubt they’ll kick me out."
She grabbed her friend and pulled her down the stairs, but I saw it as more of a drag. The hot chick didn’t want to leave. She was into the idea of touching my cock. I was pissed.
"And your cock is small!" the Irish whore belted out as she was slamming the door shut.
I ran to the door and opened it. "Fuck that!" I chimed, "you already said it was really nice. You can’t taqke that back! Ha Ha! Plus, your boyfriend is Irish! My dick must seem two feet long to you you fucking whore!"
Then I left ’cause there was no getting a BJ from that hottie tonight.
In the morning BR called me and told me the hot chick told the Irish whore she really wanted to fuck me and that the Irish whore better watch herself ’cause she thought I was super hot and wanted to fuck me.
"Well," I told him, "I figure as long as I could have gotten laid that’s good enough for me.
Now I think it isn’t.