Fayner Posts: Spoke to my homegirl Cassidey just now.
"I’m really concerned about the ozone layer these days. We gotta do something to stop those meanies from hurting it.
"I agree," I said.
"I’ve also been working to protect pit bulls from being put down. In 2004, half of the 5 million cats and dogs that were euthanized were pit bulls. I don’t own one myself, but it’s unfair and I’ve got a duty to stand up for the little guy!"
"Some pit bulls are bigger than you," I replied.
"Whatever. Oh, yeah, I also just resigned for another year with Vivid."
"Let me ask you this: If you care so much about the ozone, and it is a proven fact that male sperm releases harmful toxins into the air, how can you both try and save it and help kill it by making porno that results in countless men blowing wads?"
"Fuck it!" she yelled. "Let’s go get a drink!"
ALL OF THE ABOVE IS MADE UP EXCEPT FOR THAT SHE CALLED ME AND THAT SHE RESIGNED WITH VIVID.