Fayner Posts: Saturday night at Barrett and Kirsten’s house warming party. My phone rang.
As my phone found itself being smashed into a car door like a month ago leaving broken screen I was unable to see who was calling. But I picked it up anyways.
"Hello?" i said.
"Hey, it’s me. I just wanted to thank you."
"Who is this?" I asked.
"It’s [name deleted] (Tawny Robert’s real name). Thanks so much, Brett."
"This isn’t Brett, it’s Fayner."
"Fayner? Oh God."
And she hung up. A minute later she called back.
"Fayner, I love you so much!" she screamed.
"Okay. I love you too, I guess.
"No seriously, Brett. I love you!"
"Thank you, and this isn’t Brett, it’s Fayner. Remember when I told you that like ten seconds ago?"
"Listen, Brett, come on over."
"Why, what are you doing?"
"Not much, I’m just sitting out on the balcony fucking a dog."
"You’re what????"
"I’m on the balcony fucking a dog."
"You’re on the bacony fucking a dog?" I asked.
"What!!!" Tawny screamed. "How dare you say that about me!!!!"
"You just said it to me and I repeated it!"
"Fuck you, Brett!"
And this time I hung up. Later I talked to someone who also got a call from Tawny, and although not about fucking a dog he said his conversation was equally as disturbing. If I could see the screen on my phone I would call her and get to the bottom of our conversation nbut I can’t so I won’t.