Fayner Posts: Travis has become a press hound as of late. He’s caught a taste of the HighLife, and he likes it. Loves it, we dare say.
And who can blame him? HIs name is splashed across this fine web site daily, his persona already a paradox of illusion and intrigue (does that even make sense??)
He’s become popular. A man of mystery and excitement. Everywhere he goes, people wanna know…
“Are you really dating Vanity?”
“Do you feel gay when you suck off Vanity?”
“Does Vanity keep an extra jar of boob creme at your place?”
It’s enough to make the most humble of men gleam with ego.
So here is the final Travis story for a while ’cause we fear he’s getting a bit too big for his britches.
We were driving back from Tyler’s earlier, back on Topanga following a quick 7 11 stop for Slurpees that almost left us dead as some tweaked out dude and the cashier began arguing heavily over $5 and Travis got us involved by wearing a Diabolic sweatshirt which sparked the tweaker’s brain into declaring his best friend does the duplication or whatever for Diabolic and Travis says cool and we’re on the road and this car full of what must have been 10th grade chicks pulls up beside us and blow us kisses and the one in the back makes the tongue moving around sexy look and Travis gets all excited.
At the next light Travis pulls up beside them and rolls down the window.
“Hi there ladies,” he says, then raises his Slurpee and nods to them.
“Are you trying to act cool with girls using a Slurpee?” I asked.
Luckily the light turned green.
“Hey,” Travis instructed me, “when I pull up beside them, start taking pictures with your phone of them. Maybe they’ll flash us!”
“But my phone doesn’t have a camera!” I shot back. “Plus, you know, they’re like 15!”
“Who cares! Just pretend to take pictures! Boobs!”
I feared for my life and did as instructed. There was no boob display.
Later – yeah it’s a long fucking drive – Travis again pulls up beside them and sees them smoking a bowl. He digs into his pocket and reveals his bag of weed.
Travis then waves it out the window.
“What are you doing?” I screamed. “Luring underage chicks with marijuana is looked down upon, and I for one want no part of this travesty of Justice! Let me out!!!!”
“Wait a second!” he hollered. “I’m gonna take a right here and they’re gonna follow us! Watch! Boobies!”
We took the next right. The car full of tenage girls kept driving.
“Now do you fel better about yourself?” I asked. “We’ve now been blown off by teenage girls.”
Travis began barking at me like a mad man. “No way, Man! They wanted us! They’re turning around! Watch! Just like that 80 year old a Jerry’s who wanted me! They all want me! Argggg!”
They never came.
And to end this tale on a high note, and to include a porno chick so that you get your moneys worth, we saw who Travis claimed to be Tayrn Thomas at Jerry’s the other morning wearing heels with her morning outfit. Hooker heels. Gotta love them porno chicks.
Sorry for everything.