Waking up just before 5 pm Friday, Scott Fayner from lukeford.com calls me.

I’d emailed him earlier in the day for an interview.

 
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"I go to bed at noon. I stay up real late.

"I [usually] wake up around 4 PM I yell at my dog and then I walk my dog. Then I always eat something, because that’s important. I’m really into Applejacks right now. I drink Mountain Dew and I eat potato chips. Then I go buy drugs and it all starts."

Which types of drugs do you like?

"Stimulants. I spend about $400 a week on them. I like coke, alcohol and weed. Speed is the worst. It’s poison. It messes with people bad. Have you ever seen a girl on tweak? Their skin is yellow and they have no idea what is going on. You can easily maintain of normality and healthiness with cocaine if you do the proper things like eating and sleeping and drinking water. It’s hard with speed because you can’t sleep. You’re running around and your jaw is going crazy. Speed always made me sporadic and crazy. If anyone thinks that my writing makes no sense now and is all over the place and weird, it is much worse when I’m on speed."

When did you last take speed?

"Nine years ago. I used to smoke it. I snort cocaine."

What has that done to your nose?

"Ruined it."

I’m remove most of the profanity from Fayner’s speech to keep this interview more family-friendly. Someone has to think of the children.

"I looked it up on the Internet. If you blast two eight-balls a day for three years straight, it will put a hole in your nose. That’s almost impossible to do. It always hurts in the morning, when I wake up. I would rather be kicked in the balls then punched in the nose."

What’s the longest period you’ve gone as an adult without drugs?

"Three years. From November 1997 to November 2000.

"I quit because I was in Boston and way out of control. My roommate called my mother [who dated the protagonist of the movie Blow]. She was living in Florida. She showed up at our place. Then I went to rehab and stayed clean for three years. I was always smoking pot, but I don’t even consider that a drug. That just keeps me normal.

"Then I moved to LA in 2000. I like drugs. I hate writing. I hate being so honest. People say I should be able to do what I am doing straight but it’s a major chore writing the way that I do. It’s more tolerable when I’m high. I can get through it.

"I’d much rather not be on drugs. But this world isn’t exciting enough. If it was, there wouldn’t be drugs and nobody would need them."

How would you compare life on drugs to off drugs?

"I pay a lot less attention to things when I’m straight. I’m less interested. Obviously, I’m a lot more healthy. I look better. Cocaine is all about learning things from other people. People really open up when they’re on cocaine. They like to talk. They tell you things they might not tell you otherwise. As a writer, as a person who observes things for a living, you get a lot more honesty from people if they’re high. Later on, they might regret it.

"Being straight has a lot more advantages in this world. I don’t know about the porn world. I’ve gotten pretty far in this business in four years with my little white partner in crime."

How did you get into this business?

"I sent my resume to Allan MacDonnell [then editor of Hustler magazine]. I worked as Mike Albo’s assistant for a year. Then I got promoted to the editor of Hustler.com. I was writing for Hustler. I did that article where I tested Jewel DeNyle’s pussy mold and her.

"Then Allan got fired. Bruce [David] took over. I like Bruce but Allan pushed me a lot. I’d hand him in stuff and I’d have to redo it. With Bruce, not as much.

"Then the thing [writing] for Lukeford.com came up. They offered it to me [in March of 2003]. [At LFP] I had to be at work at 9am. They expect me to work. With writing, you can’t tell me when to write. If it’s in me in the middle of the night, that’s how I am.

"Most people would say, oh great. You’ve got a job where you sleep at your desk and walk around all day. I decided I could make the same money staying at home and working from home.

"This Lukeford.com thing is so many hits. I bought Lukeford.com in April 2004.

"Your old boss Lensman was going to buy it, trash Lukeford.com, and send the traffic to adultbeat.com. I decided it was wrong if Lukeford.com was gone, so I bought it. ScottFayner.com is taken by some scoundrel.

"I hear from people — ‘oh, you’re riding on Luke’s back.’ I did the right thing. It was years ago that [Luke] had it [August 8, 2001]. A lot of people have written for it — Wanker Wang, Martin Brimmer… Nobody gave Wanker s— for writing for it, but everyone gives me s—. People love to hate me."

Does doing drugs help you to get closer to some of your sources?

"Oh yeah. It’s a great tool for things like that. It’s not about having money and power anymore with girls. It’s about having a bag of white powder in your pocket. I never write about anybody doing coke except for myself. I’ve done coke with everybody in this business, except for you."

What have been some of the keys to your success in the industry?

"I’m honest and fair and I respect people’s wishes. Same thing as with you. People say, ‘Luke wrote —- about me.’ But who told him? You told him, and then afterwards felt stupid about it when he posted it.

"I think I’m a nice guy. I like to party. Everyone likes to party. I wear the same costumes as everybody else. I hope that one day somebody comes in and challenges me for my job so that I can move on."

What would you like to move on to?

"I’m writing a book about my life. It sucks. It’s really hard. It’s about strange weird things that have happened to me. It has no structure yet. I have a hundred pages. I went on two two-day writing frenzies of 45 pages each.

"None of it is positive stuff. It’s about my weird encounters where guys try to rape me and I slip through the backdoor before I get my ass pounded. All that stuff that a mommy wants his son to write a book about."

How long have you been using drugs?

"I grew up in Newton, Massachusetts. I started smoking pot at nine. Everyone in my neighborhood was older and most kids in this country in junior high start smoking pot. Now everyone’s doing speed in high school.

"I took acid at 12. Mushrooms. I never tried cocaine until college [University of Hartford in Connecticut, where he graduated in 1994 with a BA in print journalism. Then he went to grad school at Emerson College in Boston and quit.]

"My parents were hippies. After my parents split up, my dad moved to Texas. He used to run qualudes from Mexico to Texas. My dad smuggled weed in my diaper from Canada to Massachusetts.

"My mother owns some high-end furniture stores in Boston."

You had a middle-class upbringing?

"Yes. I have an older sister. She works for the mayor of Boston."

What does your family think about what you do?

"My whole family is really proud. It’s almost impossible to make a living as a writer. And I’ve been doing it. And not just in one place. And I’m working on other things.

"At times, my mother wishes that I would move on. But I’m not going to work for Time magazine. It’s not my thing."

What were you doing between 1994 – 2000?

"I chased a girl to Los Angeles in 1995. That’s when I got hooked on speed. I stayed for six months and then left. I went back to Boston. I was working in nightclubs — bartending and bar-backing. The little Colombian guys who took out the trash were all coke dealers.

"In 1997, I went to rehab. After that, I got my dog. My dog got kidnapped. I got her back. I moved to Nantucket Island. I was doing manual labor — mowing lawns, working at a lumber yard. I worked at an animal hospital.

"I wrote for some newspapers and magazines in Boston. I went through my tortured poetry phase. I’ve got cases of bad poetry.

"In January 2000, I packed and drove to LA."

What’s your Judaism background?

"I was bar mitzvahed. My dad was always more religious than my mom. He grew up in Israel. My dad is a Hebrew school teacher in San Francisco."

Have you had substitute father figures in porn?

"Allan was. I respected him. He’s a great writer. He was dedicated to that magazine.

"I’ve never had a father so I was never really looking for one. I get along with my dad now but I grew up without a dad. He was banging girls three years older than me in high school, so how do you call somebody like that your father?"

Who was your first porn chick?

"The first one that I got head from was Taylor Wane during an interview at Hustler. Mike Albo’s car broke down and he made me interview her. She blew me in his office. I think he got upset.

"She told me to play with myself. I was like, ‘—- you. You do it.’ She came over and blew me."

Was it good?

"It’s always good."

What was it like working for Mike Albo?

"I love Albo. He used to talk about the mandolin and bluegrass music. I could listen for hours. After I worked for him, there were two girls who worked for him. They weren’t interested in —- like that. I’d walk by and he’d be talking about that stuff. I would look at the girls and I’d feel bad for them.

"I learned a helluva lot from that guy. I was writing for his magazine every month. I have nothing bad to say about the guy at all, except for once he lost his Zippo [lighter] in his truck right behind his seat. I went down into the parking lot at Hustler with him. He wanted me to reach around and look for it. There were piles of trash. Are you kidding me?

"I said, I can’t do this. I don’t work for you anymore.

"Mike’s a great writer."

Much of the industry hated him.

"Yeah. He told it how it was. I kinda took his attitude but not as harsh. If you piss somebody off, it is usually because you are telling the truth."

Which of your writings are you most proud of?

"I’m not really proud of the Lukeford stuff. It’s all middle-of-the-night. I write it and I don’t read it over. I’ll read it over if I wake up the next day and there are a ton of emails of people calling me a racist, I’ll think, oh G-d, what did I write?

"I love the story where Taylor Rain and I ran from the cops.

"Taylor lives upstairs from me. She’s moving in a week.

"Lukeford.com isn’t changing the world. There’s not a lot of substance there. I’m not a reporter and I never claimed to be. I don’t even have a tape recorder. It’s more about the moment. I can make up the quotes. I have a good memory. The way people say things is often more valuable than what they say.

"Writing sucks. It’s always good to challenge yourself in new ways. In the new Hustler piece I wrote, I wrote it in the present tense, which I never do.

"I’ll keep hitting a nail over-and-over again because it pisses people off. I’m so not a racist but I feel strongly about all of my opinions. I catch all this s— from black people for saying the word nigger. If you use it, I can use it. Call me a kike. I don’t care. I don’t take offense to that.

"It’s never me saying the word nigger. It’s someone like Paris Hilton saying nigger. I’m not going to say n*****. White America is way into black culture. It makes total sense to use the word nigger."

Which porn girls have you had a relationship with aside from Taylor Rain?

"I’ve slept with a bunch. When your values and your education and your way of thinking and your work ethic is not the same, it’s hard to hang out with one. They’re all nice and sweet but whether they are relationship material, I’ll argue that all day."

Do you think porn girls make for good wives?

"No. No matter what anyone tells you, or what I used to say all the time, I’m totally cool if my girl is banging someone else and coming home to me, it’s just work. But it’s just not true. If you have any pride in yourself, there’s no way you want to be letting your girl do that —-. It’s more like I’m a loser for not taking care of my girl and she has to go bang other guys for money. That sucks. It’s hard to go through life like that. If you love a girl and you’re letting her do this, it’s because you can’t take care of her properly.

"A lot of these girls don’t want it any other way."

Why do girls do porn?

"A lot of people think it is out of laziness or desperation or being tricked into it.

"It’s certainly not a noble career. There was a moment that they had a choice and they chose porn. It probably wasn’t the right decision. They were making somebody else money, not themselves. They’re all getting screwed.