Fayner Posts: I was standing on the corner of Hollywood and Vine last night chugging a Bud tall-boy after checking out three of the worst apartments ever as my lease is up and need a place to keep my dog and Van Halen midget drum set.
I run into Venus and Phylisha Anne.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
They were on a quest to find a liquor store that has pre-made margaritas to bring back to the porno set Phylisha was doing a scene at.
“Come along,” they said.
I declined.
Twenty minutes later they returned to the corner I was standing at drinking the same beer. I’m a faggy drinker. This time I accepted the invite and joined them at the location under the club Basque which used to be Deep which used to be…
Inside, I introduce myself to the guys making the movie.
One of the guys grabs me in a playful headlock and does the noogie thing on my skull.
“Ah, Fayner, such a kidder! It’s been a long time, no?”
I had no idea who he was.
“Duh, what’s it been, like two years?” I lied hoping for the best.
“Something like that! Hey,” he shouted to another two guys in the other room. “Look who’s here! The mighty Fayner!”
They entered and I pretended I knew who they were too. Creepy. Time for a joint.
Little while later, Phylisha says she wants to suck my dick.
“Okay,” I replied.
“Well, you have to give a massage first.
“No deal,” I said.
“But I give great head!”
“And I’m excellent at standing there calling you a dirty whore while you do it. But I don’t make deals.
Ten minutes later when their five minutes into shooting the scene, one of the guys comes out and tells everyone Phylisha is passed out. I go in and look. Yep, she’s passed out alright, her dress up over her head and her tongue sticking out.
“I could have seen this coming,” I told everyone. “I mean, she offered to suck MY dick!”
The guys huddled in the corner to make their plan as Leah Luv was also in the scene along with the stunt cock.
“Tell Fayner to give her some cocaine to wake up,” I heard one of them say.
I looked at Venus. “That’s not the first time I heard someone say that on a porno set when a chick passes out on drugs!”
My reporting skills concluded that GHB was in her drink.
I decided to leave.
“C’mon, man, stay!” one of the guys said to me.
“Fuck that! I mean, if I had let her suck my dick I guess I’d be forced to take care of her, but since she didn’t I have no responsibility and have decided I would rather be drinking a beer on the street than going to jail for what I probably will do to her if I end up staying here.
“Ah, Fayner, you’re the best!”