Well, we don’t know each other but I feel like you might need some friendly advice about your pregnancy test result and your indecision. I don’t know you personally but with what I know, you must be having some pretty rough days since you took that test.

I am 27 years old and before being married with 2 kids, I was a singer in a rock band. We won a bunch of contests, we were having constant showcases and Sony was seriously interested in us. We were touring across Canada and had some serious investment in our band from a private guy who really believed in us. I felt I was on top of the world. I felt it was just a matter of time before I was going to sign a big deal and be a "rockstar".

One day, I was invited by Sony to participate in an Our Lady Peace video shoot (It’s a famous band in Canada, they are not so big in the US). My soon to be wife on the other hand, won a contest so we met on set. She was from another city and already had a 3-year-old son. We saw each other every week and hit it off really well. A few months later, we moved in together and she got pregnant. I was now a 24-year-old Dad of 2 kids. Of course, my band suffered from this as I now had some serious responsibilities. I wasn’t sleeping well, not eating well, smoking more and more and eventually, I became depressed. There were lots of friction between my band members and eventually, we broke up after 4 years together and right when we were on top of our game.

I never blamed anyone for this. In the end, it had happened because I chose it. I am truly happy today and I love my kids to death. But I will never know for certain what could have happened had my band continued. Music was my dream since the age of 5 and it was my whole life since the age of 15. I was in serious bands since then so for me to give it up was a big deal and still is today. I crave it and miss it so much. I now keep myself busy with jamming once a week but for me, it felt like settling because I use to wake up everyday wanting to play music.

So here we are now with you facing a very important decision. It’s really hard because you feel confused and most of all, you are not sure what kind of a mother you will be. With what I can read, when you do have kids, you want to ensure, your kids don’t have the same life you had or most of all, you want to be able to say that your kids think they have a great mom. In a perfect world, I would have had kids and kept going with my band and the touring, gigs, recording etc. But once you have kids, you quickly realize that it’s close to impossible for that to happen. Kids need so much attention and the first few years, they are incredibly dependent of you to a point where you can’t shower when they’re awake, you can shit, you can’t fuck and most of the time, you’re too tired to do anything else but sleep and relax. It’s all parenthood facets that are great but I wasn’t prepared for that.

You’re 21 and on top of your game. In my opinion you need to determine if you feel you have experienced everything you needed to experience. If not, I would highly suggest you wait to have kids. Because in the end, you will suffer but most of all, your innocent children will too. Things can get pretty complicated once that happens.

I hope you are ok with what I wrote. I only tried to give you something for you to work with. It will be your decision in the end. Whatever it is, your true fans and your true friends will always support you.

Keep your chin up and I know you’re a star and all but if you ever need to talk to someone that will never judge you, you can always send me an email. I don’t expect a response and don’t feel you need to respond. Knowing that you read this is sufficient.

I was supprised to my email on lukeford, but at the same time very happy. I look forward to reading all about your pregnacy as well as watching your transision into motherhood. I also look forward to see some pictures of your baby when it arrives.
You’ll have someone else to spoil instead of just Bandit soon, which I’m hoping you’ll enjoy.

Holla back if you want to chat.

I’m pretty much a straight arrow myself, apart from porn. It’s been awhile since I even had a drink, or breathed second hand weed smoke. And it’s been years since I actually took a hit myself when people were passing a bowl or bong around. I wouldn’t call myself your greatest fan, but I have bought or rented a number of videos just because you were in them. It did upset me when I saw you talking about using cocaine in a Chico Wang video a few years ago. That was before I ever read Fayner. I just hope you are through with coke now, like I think you are.

There are other porn girls with kids that you can talk to, like Leah Luv and Belladonna, and the Staglianos have a kid and are trying for another. Why don’t you try giving them a ring?

Please do not make fun of me on the internet, I’m just giving you advice, like you asked for. I was so embarrassed a few months ago when I slept in way into the afternoon, and the first thing I saw when I got up was that Fayner had written that you were a new mommy, with regards to Smokie, and I wasn’t thinking straight and thought you had a human baby, and I started a thread about it on Adult DVD Talk. That was embarrassing.