Fayner Posts: Damn them all to hell!
Sunday got a call from TR inviting me over to eat her lasagna. At the time I was a bit under the weather and had to decline the invite.
But Monday she brought me over two giant pieces. I ate them.
Monday night her and Keith came over smiling and giddy to tell me something. Apparently earlier that evening Tr was wrapping up some more lasagna for me when Kelly Erickson walked in.
"Does Fayner know there’s sausage in that?" Kelly asked.
"Oh, shit."
Yeah, oh shit. I’ve gone a very long time as a Jew without eating swine, and something like this just gets me all agitated and queasy. Pig is gross.
I promised to get TR back for what she did to me by holding her down and squeezing mustard into her mouth.
Now I guess I have to go temple and cleanse myself or something. I’m not sure what I need to do about this. I was thinking I should just eat lobster every day for a year to forget this horrible religious mistake. Soudn good, rabbi?