This was a letter posted in a San Francisco Magazine called Craig’s list. The subject is a little foul but I could not stop laughing, enjoy!!
Dear person in the Islanders Restaurant bathroom, While I don’t make a habit of calling people out on their movements I need to put this one out there. YOU SIR, need to start each and every day with a bran muffin. Do you have the bird flu? In 26 years on this planet I have never heard, heard of, had or otherwise experienced as violent a shit as you took in the Islanders bathroom. It sounded like you were pouring out a 5 gallon bucket of ice water from 10 feet above
the toilet. My ears have never heard so horrific a sound as your liquid fecal being fired downward
between pockets of pressurized methane gas.
I was only there to wash my hands before eating my lunch…but my appetite was foiled by your
ass-disaster. Moaning and wheezing in your stall while wave after wave of dysentery ran from your bowels.
What had you consumed?! Raw chicken, 2 bowls of chili, 1 bottle Ex-Lax and a gallon of milk? You single handedly ruined every molecule of oxygen in the room. 30 minutes later back at work it still seemed like someone had wiped a log of shit under my nose.