THE TALKING DOG

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.


The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.


“You talk?” he asks.


“Yep,” the Lab replies.


“So, what’s your story?”


The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”


“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”


“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”


The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


“Ten dollars,” the guy says.


“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”


“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”

LIFE AS A ROCKSTAR CAN SUCK!

Taylor Rain Writes In Her Journal on www.clubtaylorrain.com:

Yesterday went for a day trip to big bear to go snowboarding with a friend!!!! We first smoke bowls!!! Got suited up because it was such a windy day! Then we got our half tickets with vouchers and as young adults!!!! Both were illegal!!! Fuck it we are fuckin rockstars!!!!

So we get to the lift, trap in, and get on a lift chair!! I tell my friend lets take an easy run to warm up. He says “ok dawg! Lets do this!!!”

Strap in your other boot and fuckin ride!!!!! 300 feet later we were on an advance run!! Take two jumps! Didnt want to but there was someone in the way on the flat side!!! Let me remind you if you forgot!! It was our first run and i took two jumps!!! I was not ready for that at all!!!!

So i landed wrong, twisted my knee. Heard it crack as i was landing and then ate shit!!!! Fuck it!!!! 5 minutes later i was brought down the mountain in a  sled!!! That is so fuckin whack!!!!

So now today im hating life and wish i wasnt such a rockstar!!!!! Today im in so so so much pain! Do i reget going off those jumps??? Fuck no!!! But i am being waited on and i cant drive cuz its my right knee!!! Rockstar for life!!!

BARRETT BLADES SMOKIN CRACK 2 FROM SIN CITY

Smokin’ Crack 2: Cock Is A Girl’s Best Friend
Rock & Porn Rebel Turns Debilitating Hobby Into Series

(Chatsworth, Ca)- Despite letters of warning stemming from the first release from such notable organizations as the Free Speech Coalition, PAW, AIM, Dirty Bob, and The Crackwhore United National Triumvirate Porn Star Anti-Defamation Squad of America, (American CUNT PAD for short) Mayhem contract director Barrett Blade has gone ahead and released the second installment of his controversially titled anal series; Smokin’ Crack. Given the affinity rocker turned porn stud turned smut peddling whoremaster Blade once had for sniffing on white lines, the aptly named series is a fitting tribute. These days he’s cooking up sweet, cum sticky ass crack, instead of railing the yayo, and stacking up money in the bank. The results of this crazed sexual pharmacology are nothing short of incendiary.

“We’ve got the sweetest, youngest anal whores in the business getting their juicy ass cracks plowed by so much meat it’s ridiculous,” offers the spiky coifed, tattoo smeared director. “These dirty fuck dolls take delightful rectum reaming deep into their blossoming bungholes until the sweet nectar explodes out of their ripe, chubby cunt lips and their assholes look like they had been hit by a scud fucking missile. We had a medic on the set for most of the shoot, seriously.”

Among the stunning young starlets to take to the anal chaffing and radically unhygienic ass-2-mouth acronym action were Penthouse Pet & Sin City contract star Hannah Harper and ‘sweet-as-felched-whip-cream-&-lollipops’ Georgia Peach. Also featured was the incomparable cocksucker Naudia Nyce, the buxom anal princess Brooke Haven, and ‘I-can-pick-up-a-quarter-with-my- sphincter’ Davia Ardell. A wide assortment of meat puppets were required to facilitate the filming process and a full list of these swarthy swordsmen can be found on the original packaging, which features a truly mesmerizing hardcore posterette for maximum viewing pleasure. Indeed, consumers will be blown away to discover the wealth of extra features included in the DVD as well as the minutiae of interesting bonus materials, making this movie feel like a million dollars worth of value.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that pirate movie everyone was talking about,” mumbles Sin City spin doctor Devan Cypher, “but it’s nothing at all like that. This movie is full of all those hot, cracked-out stripper bitches you piss your money away to at the club, getting their shitters straight jacked up and fucked open until they can’t sit down or shit right for two weeks. A couple of the girls do curse like dirty pirate hookers though. Tell Newsweek they can print that.”

Smokin’ Crack 2 hits stores 2/08/06.

For more information on Mayhem & Sin City Films, visit the main website http://www.sincityfilms.com where you can find news, press releases, photos, and video on demand, or contact devan@sincityfilms.com.

Distributors may contact Sin City toll free at (800) 315-9888 or through National Sales Manager Danny Gorman via email, danny@sincityfilms.com.

About SIN CITY ENTERTAINMENT:

Sin City Entertainment is a leading manufacturer in the adult entertainment industry. Established in 1987, Sin City quickly received accolades for their high-end full-length features.

In the evolutionary, ever-changing nature of the adult business, Sin City has also been able to adapt and capture a large portion of the market-share as it relates to other genres of adult moviemaking (Compilations, Gonzo, etc.) The company remains at the forefront of industry advances and developments and the technology utilized in the production and post-production of their DVD products has far surpassed that of their competitors.

Sin City is also recognized as an innovator within the, highly competitive and ever-growing, Internet establishment. Having understood that the Internet has forever changed the face of “Adult”, Sin City Entertainment has committed to providing the consumer with the most sophisticated, finest adult fare to be accessed via the World Wide Web.

Not to be underplayed is Sin City’s penetration and impact of the World Wide Cable and Satellite market. Through a powerful network of cable and satellite purveyors, Sin City Entertainment has gone – literally – GLOBAL. At any given time, virtually anywhere in the world – a Sin City production may be viewed.

As for the future, Sin City remains steadfast in its self-imposed vow to remain “the standard” for which excellence within the adult industry is measured. The company is scheduled to increase production, expand its state-of-the art post-production facilities and allocate resources in the development of new groundbreaking Internet and High Definition technology.

For more information on Sin City Entertainment, please contact devan@sincityfilms.com

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLY ERIKSON

Happy Birthday goes out today to none other than the lovely and talented Kelly Erikson, now the web mistress of clubhardcore.tv and soon to be launched Kellys Playground website.

Such a sweet girl, such a cute girl, 3 cats, a dog, a ton of workout equipment, she’s all woman!

Oh ya, last night she was sprawled out on the floor, I thought she was exercising… turns out she actually fell down the stairs (ok ok, there was just one step). I rushed over to see if she was ok, I thought she was doing crunches or something…. she was laughing so hard at her blunder!

She proceeded to get up, walk into the kitchen, grab 4 pieces of high quality Papa Johns pizza and went into the office and shared that fine pizza with East Coast Anthony. Could you think of any better way to spend an evening.

Happy Birthday beautiful!

LUKEFORD LOVE

It’s all about helping thy neighbor (or fellow porner) here at Lukeford.

This weekend is DAISY’s birthday, and for her birthday she wanted to buy herself a nice shiny car!
She looked and looked and looked and couldn’t find what she wanted.

SO, Daisy placed a call to the Lukeford auto express hotline and we sent her over to see AL at Bank Auto Repo on Sepulveda, and within 30 minutes Daisy drove away in her nice shiny new car, a Cadillac Escalade!

Happy birthday Daisy, and enjoy the truck!

EVERYONE LOVES BIG BOOBS

Big Tit Whores Directed by Missy Monroe Now Shipping


Big Tit Whores starring Davia Ardell, Missy Monroe and Havana Ginger

Everyone loves big tits, especially big tit girls who love to take it in the ass. Defiance Films is happy to announce the release of Missy Monroe’s Big Tit Whores. See Missy Monroe star in and Direct her first movie, as she invited a cast of big tit whores to suck, get fucked, get DP’d and then titty fucked until they drain these cocks dry.

Two blistering DP scenes, a really hot scene with big tit blonde Bailey getting plunged in the ass. Missy Monroe does a hot DP scene too, with plenty of flopping tits and squirting. Nubian big tit goddess Jada Fire takes on two white studs for a hot DP with plenty of tit flopping, and legend Davia Ardell pares with big tit black babe Havana Ginger for an unforgettable scene as oil each others huge cans up and then proceed to drain their man.

Finally, see 36DD teen Eve Laurence in one of her last scenes before retiring, she’s beautiful, she’s busty and she loves to fuck and suck!

To view the Hi Definition Trailer and Exclusive Hardcore Photo Gallery for Big Tit Whores, click here.

There’s something for everyone in this movie, Missy Monroe comes out strong in her directorial debut. She has huge tits and knows how to use them, get them all wet and fop thjem around. Lots of oil, lots of bouncing tits, plenty of ass fucking, lots of spit, lots of sucking, lots of deep penetrations and facials galore!

Big Tit Whores is available NOW. To order Big Tit Whores or Defiance Films or Torrid Entertainment product, contact Anthony Simone at 818-577-4575, ext. 400, or via email at anthony@defiancefilms.com.

For more information about Defiance Films productions, contact Keith O’Connor at 818-577-4575, ext. 402, or via email at keith@defiancefilms.com.

Be sure to visit our website at www.defiancefilms.com for the latest information on upcoming releases and to check out the high definition trailers, along with an added bonus feature of clicking on any performer’s name to download their photo. 2257 compliance information for every title released by Defiance Films is also readily available for immediate download.

Defiance Films delivers the most ‘Socially Unacceptable Behavior‘ in every hardcore, explosive scene produced.

Images from BIG TIT WHORES, see more exclusive content at www.clubhardcore.tv and www.clubtaylorrain.com.

Big Tit Whores from Defiance FilmsSee more Exsclusive Content at www.clubtaylorrain.com

Eve Laurence in Big Tit WhoresSee more exclusive Eve Laurence photos and videos at www.clubhardcore.tv

Black Porn Goddess Jada Fire in Big Tit WhoresSee more of Missy Monroie at www.clubtaylorrain.com

Jada Fire in Big Tit Whores from Defiance FilmsSee Missy Monroe get DP'd at www.clubhardcore.tv

 

I’M BORED AND HAVE NOTHING TO DO!!!!

TMFR is officially bored and has nothing to do!!!

Please email us at webmaster@lukeford.com and let us know if you have any good ideas for things she should be doing.

She can’t direct every day of the week, so she gets antsy!! We need to find things for her to do on a day to day basis.

As of now she gets up, smokes some weed, has coffee, smokes some weed, showers, smokes some weed, eats some cereal, smokes some weed, calls fayner and complains, smokes some weed, plays with Dick Bandit, smokes some weed… and then watches TV and naps.

The best email ideas for TMFR will receive $100 in FREE PORN!!!!

4 A’S BABY…. SAY SOMETHIN!!!!!!!!

TMFR WRITES:

My anal creampie movie, SPUNK IN THE TRUNK, got 4 A’s from AVN.

I directed that movie, 5 scenes, in one day!!!!!

Say something… come on now!!!

SPUNK IN THE TRUNK directed by TAYLOR RAIN
Full Review from AVN

Buy Now

Content Rating: AAAA

Review: Masturbating babes interrupted by lurkers with hard cocks is the thematic thread here, and Rain delivers plenty of trunk spunk as well. Those into rougher stuff will be tickled by Julie Knight’s suck and fuck fest with Alex Sanders and Brian Surewood. Sanders chokes her briefly and hits her on the back of the head while she blows him, asking “You like when I do that?” and saying, “Good” after she answers “Not really.” Unusual camera angles and Missy Monroe’s impressive ball-lick-during-blowjob technique makes her scene with Anthony Hardwood noteworthy, though the audio syncing leaves something to be desired.

Pre-nom Best Specialty Release – Squirting.

Retailing: Keeani Lei, hardcore and internal pop enthusiasts.

DVD Extras: Behind the Scenes, Still Gallery, Trailers

LAY OFF DEREK

Dick Bandit Writes:

Too many people are bashing Derek Hay these days. So, here’s my 3 cents.

I’m sure he is a worthless prick, I’ve seen him in this house on set and yes he’s a little arrogant fucker who sticks his chest out like a tough guy around 105 pound chicks but hides behind doors or under desks when confronted by pitbulls or guys. Make fun of him, call him arrogant, call him gay, call his Astin a pathetic attempt at manhood. BUT, call him a good Talent Agent.

His girls show up to set 90% of the time. He always has the newest and freshest talent. He keeps people informed of new talent with professional email blasts and he goes as far as to keep you up to date on talent that’s been in his stable for some time by sending out “reminders”. He has a great staff of people like Richard, Kelly, Fran and Lisa that will bust their ass to get a director what he or she needs to make a shoot. If someone flakes on a set guess who 99% of the directors call for a last minute girl…. DIRECT. Bottom line, Derek and his agency are reliable!!!!!

Derek steers the girls into directions that enhance their careers, mainstream gigs, dancing, cable shows, contracts. Or he steers them to the money if that’s their route, escorting. BUT the key point there is he steers them, but ultimately the talent has the final say.

Basically Derek is a middle man for the talent and the studios. He may not be the brightest of them all, spend five minutes having a conversation with him and you’ll realize he has less intelligence than Kurt Lockwoods asshole, but it’s not his job to be smart, it’s his job to deliver talent to sets and to deliver good paying jobs to the girls. So, regardless of his attitude or shitty personality, call it like it is. He’s a good middleman and provides a service to this industry that makes it better for all involved.