Fayner Posts:  Called Quaz last night ‘cause on the Simpsons there was a piano store named The Toothless Elephant and I had no one else to call about how damn funny it was.

“You working the rest of the week?” I asked him.

“No,” he shot back.

“How’d you score that?”

“This chick today I was shooting went and took a shit on the two guys she was working with.”

“That’s nasty,” I busted out, “but I hardly think that merits a four day weekend. You are a professional, Mike.”

“Following that she puked like five times all over herself.”

“Shit and puke, huh?”

“Shit and puke.”

“Have a nice weekend.”


Fayner Posts: Was out shopping for grape soda yesterday, a black dude approached me. The old sheltered Newton, Massachusetts Fayner would have been scared, but the new Hollywood Fayner simply just turned to the man and handed over his wallet.

No, just kidding.

Mason Dixon ain’t no flavor of the week director; articulate and suave, this Nubian God has what it takes to catapult himself and Black Ice into the almighty charts of popular pornography. Plus, he has nice shoes.

I mean, kicks. He has nice kicks. That’s how the homies say it, right?

Stay tuned for the complete interview I conducted with Mason Dixon during his friend’s holdup of the store we were in.

It’s shocking!

It’s historical!

It’s a black man talking to a white man while the white man has no clue what the black man is saying!


Fayner Posts: Anyone who knows Nathan AKA Winston Burbank knows the kid is strange to say the very least.

He’s as cheap as Jesus was. He eats the same damn thing every meal. He vacuums in his sleep. He’s nice.

Surprised he’s still alive, aren’t you? Me, too. Especially in Los Angeles.

It was Valentine’s Day afternoon, and Winston stopped by to grab his stuff that he left when he moved out. There was a bunch of it. He took four Ultimate Fighting DVDs and left the rest for later. Something about two guys grabbing for each other’s balls and rolling around the ground all sweaty and touchy-feely gets young Winston all warm inside.

“Hey,” I shouted to him as he was packing them into his car. “Did you steal my belt again?”

He did.

“What the fuck?” I yelled. “Didn’t I just get the fucking thing back from you after months of you wearing it and making it into a homosexual belt?”

“Yeah,” Nathan admitted. “I went skating and needed it.”

“I thought all black people – and Asher – wear their pants around their ankles as a remembrance for Slavery?”

“We do,” Nathan said, “but not when we’re roller blading.”

“I guess you learn something new every day. Anyway, can I have it back now?”

“Can I give it to you tomorrow? I’m going to an 18-plus night at the roller rink tonight for Valentine’s Day.”

“You’re what??”

There’s like four porno chicks who want to get what Winston has in his pants. Badly. They leave him messages about it. They tell me to tell him they want his cock.

And what does Winston do about this??

He goes to an 18-plus night at a roller rink on Valentine’s Day, that’s what.

What’s the deal with Winston Burbank?

Send your guesses to faynerpornbiz@hotmail.com



Fayner Posts: That’s right, kiddos!

Thanks to the fine folks at www.pornstarstation.com, www.clubhardcore.tv and www.clubtaylorrain.com we’re offering a sweet contest for our loyal followers!

Available are 4 sets of Clipper tickets.

The winner of the first three week’s contests get free tix and a date with a yet-unnamed porno starlet to their choice of home game.

The final winner gets to see the game with Fayner, who may or may not cut a hole in the bottom of a popcorn box and let the winner give him a handjob during halftime.

Stay tuned for further details.


Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer…                                       
IN PRISON……….you spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK………..you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.   
IN PRISON……….you get three meals a day.                             
AT WORK………..you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. 
IN PRISON……….you get time off for good behavior.                    
AT WORK………..you get more work for good behavior.                     
IN PRISON………..the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.    
AT WORK…………you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.                                                          
IN PRISON……….you can watch TV and play games.                       
AT WORK……….you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.    
IN PRISON………you get your own toilet.                                
AT WORK……….you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.                                                               
IN PRISON……….they allow your family and friends to visit.           
AT WORK………..you aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.        
IN PRISON……….all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.                                      
AT WORK………..you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.                        
IN PRISON……….you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.                                                                  
AT WORK ……….you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.                                                               
IN PRISON ……..you must deal with sadistic wardens.                    
AT WORK………..they are called managers.           


Zero Tolerance Entertainment announced today the launch of their new exclusive membership download site, Zero Tolerance On Demand, www.ZTOD.com.

In partnering with videosz.com, Zero Tolerance will offer internet users an adult site which includes video quality (streaming, as well as, downloading), expansive hi res photo galleries and high-speed downloads.

VideosZ, an affiliate programs in the adult industry, will be introducing many new webmaster options through ZTOD, including promotional and marketing tools.

“We are very pleased to have aligned ourselves with VideosZ,” offered Zero Tolerance President, Greg Alves. “We share the same commitment to provide the consumer with the finest adult product in the world.”

Echoing Alves’ sentiments was VideosZ spokesperson Andy Hartman. “We are happy to continue our tradition of excellence by pairing with Zero Tolerance.”

Other features of ZTOD include access to the entire Zero Tolerance library for download; hundreds of downloadable hardcore, exclusive crystal clear photo galleries, full dvd quality downloads of every movie, downloadable iPod trailers and the ability to preview movies before their release.

Webmasters interested in signing up to promote ZTOD and earn up to $40 per signup please visit http://www.ztdollars.com/ and start making money today.


Fayner Posts: Lately I’ve been engulfed in emails demanding my ever-so valued opinion regarding the recent Devinn Lane flick from Shane’s World in which “straight” porno dudes get dildo-fucked in the pooper by chicks. I don’t know why my thoughts should matter here, not sure what I can say that will make a difference one way or another but I feel I owe it to those who seek my eloquent perspective to at least comment on this.

A lot has been said regarding Kurt Lockwood’s involvement in this movie. A lot. And not necessarily because people feel the act of getting butt-blasted by a chick means he is gay; mostly for the fact that Kurt has for years been steadfast in his assertion that he is not gay, was never gay and will no be gay a week after Stalin’s birthday.

(Frankly, I don’t much care if Kurt is gay or not. We’ve had our beef regarding this years ago and that is that. I ain’t about to rehash old shit for the sake of calling him a flamer for what transpired that day.)

My personal opinion is that a man who takes anything up his shitter has issues with his sexuality, whether it be from a big burly trucker named Carl, two hot chicks wielding slicked-up strap-on toys or Jason Seacrest. Flat-out gay I can’t say, but history states that any man who covets tushy-love ain’t 100% straight no matter what. (Who am I to challenge history?) And having issues with your sexuality don’t mean nothing other than having issues with your sexuality. In this country we respect the choices of others, whether popular or not.

(It has been rumored for years that the ultimate Man’s Man Hugh Hefner of Playboy fame enjoys jerking off to gay porno while his bunnies fool around with each other nearby. Is he gay, or just bored from the hundreds – probably thousands – of chicks he’s bedded over the years and looking for a new kick? Hard to say…

All I know is the one time a chick has inserted a finger into my crapper – back in college, a mohawked punker chick with a pet rat on her shoulder while she blew me – I felt a little tingle of gayness deep down in my gut. I also felt a sense of adventure, the new car smell if you will, ‘cause it was a variation on my normal antics. I can imagine being someone like Mark Davis and crave something more than what I’ve done thousands of times before (not to say he’s ever done anything like this). Not to say I’d cross the line Lockwood and the others did, but I can see hetero sex becoming a tad bland after boning so many chicks over the years. Lucky for me and my virgin ass I’ve yet to cross that line.

Enough with Lockwood. What I’m asking is what about Ryan Knox?

Knox, who also got his rusty sheriff’s badge poked in Devinn’s movie, is hereby assumed by many to be flat-out queer, including us here at Lukeford.com. He’s still too new and young to be bored by vanilla sex with women, therefore tagging him a card-carrying homosexual. And we say this not because he found himself trying to fuck Fayner’s sister after being forewarned to stay away from her with threats of ruining what he has of a career. We pass this judgment not because he continued to be in contact with Fayner’s sister via email while pestering her to try and convince Fayner to hire him on a shoot.

We say this because Knox let a chick penetrate his asshole with a large dildo on film for shitty pay.

And that’s all I got to say about that.


Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee for “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their  vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it  down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, “That hurt, you stupid idiot?”

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?


The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.



Title: Hellcats 8

Sunny Lane, Mary Anne, Julia Bond, Sylvio Mata, Tiffany Holiday, Sara Stone, Tiffany Rayne, Charlotte Stokely, Slimm Dawg, Broc Adams, Tyler Knight, Van Damage, Chris Charming,

Evil Angel

Joey Silvera

            The Hellcats series rolls on with Joey Silvera’s eighth chapter in his arsenal. The cast is strong as it’s ever been with the likes of Charlotte Stokely, Marry Anne and Sunny Lane, who starts things off.

            Lane is becoming one of the premier girls in porn and it is clear why in this first scene with Mary Anne and Van Damage. He plays a school truant officer and busts Mary Anne for risqué clothing and throws her in jail, in which she meets Ms. Lane. Before Van can join the party, Sunny and Mary get down to brass tacks and has a wonderful lesbian intro. Once the man meat is imported, the scene only gets better.

            The third scene features a nice pairing with Tiffany Holiday and Sara Stone. The two girls have exquisite chemistry together as they work over Chris Charming. Stokely is a hot young looking blonde who is coming into her own as a hot porn girl. She took on a little black meet; not saying he was “little” by any means in which Tyler Knight dove right into her fleshy body.

            Overall the five scenes in Hellcats 8 were dynamic and diverse to give the viewer a little bit of everything. There is a lot of group action with each scene being energetic thinks to the cast and guidance of Silvera.


Title: Just Fuckin’ 3 

Mary Anne, Natalli, Cynthia, Yasmine, Nicole Parks, Courtney Cummz, Justin Slayer, Nat Turnher, Boz

Evil Angel

Justin Slayer

            Just Fuckin’ 3 follows suit of the first two with horny white girls all wet for big black dick. Slayer, who is one of the more popular directors at Evil Angel, has improved this series with better lighting, production and a strong cast of girls.

            The movie opened with the beautiful Mary Anne with our director. The two started outside and ended up indoors. It was a lengthy time before he slid his cock into her sweet wet pussy and once he did, the scene was very energetic. 









There is a group in the third scene with Cynthia and Yasmine. The girls work with Nat Turnher, Boz, and Slayer. The girls came off very professional and looked great, but the passion seemed to lack in this scene. 





The final scene was the highlight featuring Courtney Cummz and Justin Slayer. Cummz gives the camera a great tease with her curvy frame before she dives in to the action. 





Just Fuckin’ 3 was an ok film, I liked the improved production and three of the four scenes were worth taking in. the only thing I don’t care for is when the director makes an appearance in nearly every scene, as Slayer does here.