YOU SNOOZE YOU LOSE

Fayner Posts: Got a call from Harry L. Weiss (the "L" stands for Lollipop) yesterday, gave his condolences for my timely death. Also, he called to tell me to tell Taylor and Keith that he phoned both of them a few times while back East and standing in line at a Dunkin’ Donuts to see what they wanted.

All I remember is Taylor sitting on the sofa too stoned to even move and her phone ringing.

"Fuckin’ Harry!" she yelled as she melted back into the sofa and not answering the phone. This happened at least two times. But to be fair when her mother calls she also says, "Fuckin’ Mom!"

"Well," Harry tells me. "They fucked up. No donuts. Hope Krispy Kreme does the trick!"

"I really doubt it does."

SQUIRT FACTOR FROM DEFIANCE FILMS

It’s Raining…It’s Pouring…The Girl Goo is Soaring

DEFIANCE FILMS’ SQUIRT FACTOR

Squirt Factor from Defiance Films
 

April 5, 2006 – Porn Valley, California

Defiance Films presents it’s latest release, Squirt Factor.

Anyone disgusted by the thought of a woman shooting streams of love sauce from her vagina can take up their complaint with the creators of what we now call Women’s Liberation, a beautiful (or horrible) law that gave women the same rights as men.

So, if a guy gets to shoot his wad on the new Egyptian cotton sheets, the rules state that a woman is permitted to do the exact same thing.

It’s only fair, right?

However, not all women can squirt. Those that can’t aren’t in this flick. Some that can are. Like Cytherea, who has made an art form out of projectile cumming.

Yeah, it’s a talent, but you won’t find it in the Summer Olympics, that’s for damn sure.

But somehow we think that if the Olympic Committee saw Jade Marcella’s Squirt Factor they’d change their mind. That would be cool.

Rounding out the rest of this heroic cast is Flower Tucci, Angela Stone, Chanel Chavez, Delilah Strong, Missy Monroe and Sara Stone.

The sweet nectar of the Gods never tasted so good.

Note: To all Distributors, due to the need for extreme editing on this movie the street date has been pushed to 4-19-2006. As a result Teen Handjobs 2 will now street, 4-26-06 and European Hotel Confessions is moved to 5-02-2006. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Any distributor who has sent in draws on these titles will be shipped at the time of release there is no need to resubmit PO ‘s. Thank you, Anthony.

Get this soaking, action packed wet release now! Squirt Factor streets April 19th. To order, contact Anthony Simone at 818-577-4575, ext. 400, or via email at anthony@defiancefilms.com.

________________

For questions about Defiance or Torrid product, for interviews with performers or directors, for screeners please contact Scott Fayner at 323.397.2890 or faynerpornbiz@hotmail.com

For more information about Torrid Entertainment and Defiance Films or information about being in a Defiance Films movie contact Keith O’Connor at 818-577-4575, ext. 402, or via email at keith@defiancefilms.com.

Be sure to visit our website at www.defiancefilms.com foror the latest information on upcoming releases and to check out the high definition trailers, along with an added bonus feature of clicking on any performers name to download their photo. 2257 compliance information for every title released by Defiance Films is also readily available for immediate download.

Defiance Films delivers the most Socially Unacceptable Behavior in every hardcore, explosive scene produced.

For images and video clips from Squirt Factor , see the exclusive content at www.clubhardcore.tv and www.clubtaylorrain.com.

TESTA FALLS FOR ASIAN FOOD CHICK/PLATE…HEADED FOR JAPAN TO GET HER FATHER’S BLESSING

Fayner Posts: Tony Testa is one messed up sucka. Take our conversation yesterday, for example.

 

Fayner You haven’t told me today how much you hate me and want me to overdose.

Testa Sorry, man. But let me ask you something: have you ever been in love?

Fayner Hell no!

Testa Well, I am! I was out at one of them restaurants where the food is served on a naked chick. Ever been to one of them?

Fayner No, but I have eaten a twinkie that some fat chick was sitting on for an hour. Does that count?

Testa Not really. But this chick who was working as my plate was so beautiful and amazing, I just fell in love right there.

Fayner So what now? Does the creepy stalking begin?

Testa This is 2006, man. We don’t do it like that anymore. I’m going to Japan next week to ask her father if I can marry her.

Fayner Are yous serious?

Testa As serious as a heart attack

Fayner But you called me once during one of your heart attcks. How serious is that?

Testa Whatever. I’m in love. See, I just shit in my pants a little and it doesn’t even matter ’cause I’m so in love with the chick that put food on her naked body and let me eat off it.

Fayner Can I go now?

Testa Please do. And if you have time will you die?

NEW WEBSITES TO JIRK OFF TO

Press Release from CashOnClick.com:

New Sites and New Webmaster Tools from CashOnClick.com

– 7 New Sites to be launched
– 36 New Free Photo Sets
– 20 New Free Hostyed Galleries
– 50 New Banners

The ClubHardcore Network is off to a hot start and we’re about to turn the heat up just a bit more! Launching with the wildly successful Taylor Rain official website www.clubtaylorrain.com which has seen a 57% conversion rate thus far. The Network followed up by launching Kelly Erikson’s new site www.clubhardcore.tv and the official site for blonde vixen Cindy Crawford, www.clubcindycrawford.com.

Keeping up the momentum, the official webmaster/affiliate website was launched for the sites, www.cashonclick.com, giving webmasters 50% on all memberships for life. The site is packed with webmaster resources and adding more content each day to help you the webmaster to actively promote the sites efficiently. One of the strongest points to the network is the EXCLUSIVE never before seen video and photo content. As of today, the CashOnClick program boasts over 36 Free Content Galleries, filled with content of todays hottest pornstars, many of which are never before seen content!! The site also boasts over 20 Hosted TGP Galleries for webmasters to utilize, again featuring tons of exclusive never before seen content. Finally, we’ve created a slew of new banners for all the sites in the network for webmasters to choose from, in all sizes and dimensions. In the coming weeks we’ll keep adding new, fresh, never before seen content for the hosted galleries and free content, as well as creating more banners. Also, expect to see us utilizing the exclusive video library of content to create free video gallery pages for webmasters to use as well!

Finally, in the coming weeks we’ll be expanding The Network with the release of the following sites.

ClubEveLaurence.com – Official website of young big tit star Eve Laurence who just announced her return to porn.
ClubNadiaNyce.com – Official website of Nadia Nyce, pornstar with one of the greatest asses in the business.
ClubJessiSummers.com – Official website of 18 year old big tit newcummer Jessi Summers.
ClubPaolaRey.com – Brazilian superstar Paola Rey website filled with tons of exclusive and bonus content.
DaisyMariexxx.com – Official website of Latin superstar Daisy Marie.
ClubRoxyJezel.com – European anal queen and all around beauty Roxy Jezel will launch her official site in April.
Vaniity.com – Transexual superstar has chosen The Network to rebuild her site and add it to the cashonclick program.

Each site in the network is filled with exclusive content sure to entice members, but the key feature to each site in the network are the bonus features.

All sites are filled with gigabytes of bonus photo and video content that will keep members retention to the sites high, and so far the formula is working perfectly.

Plus The Network has developed a proprietary Live Video Chat system that will be implemented on all sites so members can get one on one time with their favortite star, or join the weekly live chat for each girl.

Besides the pornstar websites, in May The Network will be roilling out the official members sites to Defiance Films and Torrid Entertainment. Here you’ll be able to find all access to the studios entire library of content, photo galleries, video galleries, complete movies for stream or download and incredible behind the scenes footage! Since all the content is exclusive, member retention will be high!

As always, we’d love to get your feedback, if there’s anything we can do to improve on what we have, ideas that you think would work, we want to hear from you! So please email all suggestions and comments to webmaster@cashonclick.com.

WE MISS YOU HH

Taylor Rain posts: 30 years ago today the great Howard Hughes passed away!

I remember when I first met Howard, we were discussing plane engines and aerodynamics. He was a great person, a good friend to me! We went shopping at Bebe and then Home Depot, and then we picked up Bandit at the dog groomers and that was my day.

Bandit and I sit and reminice about our time with Howard Hughes, what a great american, he’s sorely missed!!

GOD DAMN THIS NEW VOLCANO VAPORIZER IS GOOOOOOOOOD

HOLLA 420
TMFR

SEE TERA PATRICK TONIGHT

Tera Patrick Performs Tonight At The Spearmint Rhino In The City Of Industry.
Teravision logo 

Three Nights Of Electrifying Performances By Supreme Sex Goddess

(Studio City, CA) The Spearmint Rhino City of Industry is proud to welcome back premiere feature dance performer Tera Patrick. Thursday April 6th – Saturday April 8th.

Tera Patrick

Sexy, stylish, and sophisticated Tera will take the stage several times nightly in a variety of fan favorite feature dance sets including gorgeous geisha, naughty nurse, punk rock school girl, and a mind blowing burlesque set, among others.

Patrick, who made her dance debut at the City of Industry location in 2004, is excited to return to the gentlemen’s club and said, “I would like to thank the Spearmint Rhino for bringing me back to the very first club I ever danced at. They always treat me so well and I just know every night is going to be an action packed evening. I can’t wait to see all of my fans and with all of the press and attention that TeraVision is receiving I am also looking forward to meeting new fans.”

After each spine tingling stage performance, Tera is available for polaroids and will have special edition merchandise on hand for purchase as well as her latest TeraVision/Vivid release Desperate, which is currently number one on European charts and a top selling title in the states. Polaroids, DVDs, and merchandise will be personally autographed by the exotic entertainer.

Tera Patrick invites one and all to join her for a weekend you soon won’t forget Thursday April 6th – Saturday April 8th at The Spearmint Rhino located at 15411 East Valley Blvd. City of Industry, CA 91746. Please visit www.spearmintrhino.com or call (626)336-6892 for additional details.

Fans world wide can visit www.clubtera.com where you will find exclusive photo sets, upcoming appearance schedules, news and much, much more. You can also purchase limited edition and special edition personally autographed merchandise as well as TeraVision DVDs.

Tera Patrick is available for interviews and appearances, please contact Janie Liszewski of High Profile Media at 661-607-4891 or e-mail jj@highprofilemedia.com.

For Tera Patrick’s Vivid related media inquiries, please contact Vivid’s director of publicity Jackie Markham, at jmarkham@aol.com.

About Tera Patrick
Tera Patrick, who is widely considered to be today’s most popular erotic film star, has over 70 films to her credit as well as having won virtually every important award and title in the adult business from AVN’s coveted Best New Starlet and three-peat winner of The F.O.X.E. Awards Fan Favorite to Cannes Film Festival’s Best New Actress. Tera is the former host of Playboy TV’s “Nightcalls 411” and has been selected two years in a row as the top adult actress by Genesis Magazine’s “Porn’s Top 100” list and is a true favorite of adult fans everywhere.

A Vivid Girl for life, Tera along with her husband, the actor and rock ‘n’ roll star Evan Seinfeld of the HBO series “OZ” and the rock group Biohazard, she operates TeraVision, a production company that specializes in high quality erotica in cooperation with Vivid Entertainment.

In yet another sign that erotic film stars and exotic entertainment are breeding more and more cross-over acts, Tera Patrick is #57 on FHM’s 2006 Top 100 Sexiest Women In The World, has appeared in mainstream advertising for Bill O’Reilly and Avirex Clothing and was quoted in an editorial in Glamour magazine in 2005. She is featured in the May issue of FHM in a three page instructional guide to Filming Porn at Home.

Tera was the only adult star to be featured in the VH1 special on the “40 Hottest Rockstar Girlfriends and Wives” program, on which she was also engaged as a commentator and has appeared on dozens of mainstream entertainment shows. Howard Stern frequently refers to Tera Patrick as his “favorite stripper” and she will most likely be heard chatting with Howard on Sirius satellite radio in coming weeks. Tera has been featured on the covers of virtually every magazine that will print a sexy woman from Playboy, Penthouse, Hustler, Club, FHM, Arena, and hundreds more! She is the only model ever to appear simultaneously on the covers of Playboy and Penthouse.

This year alone, Tera will make many trips to Europe to shoot with famed photographers for fashion layouts, host over 30 events, parties and tradeshows, can be seen in a commercial for SugarDVD, and will make several prominent appearances on MTV’s “Supergroup” along side husband Biohazard bassist Evan Seinfeld, MTV’s Fast Ashley’s and MTV coverage of the Cannes Film Festival. Many youth culture lifestyle publications will feature the sexy star in an ad campaign titled Avirex Mile High Club for Avirex Clothing and Tera was just announced as one of FHM’s Top 100 Sexiest Women In The World and that’s just the start of 2006!

Tera is the publisher of Genesis Magazine, “Sexpert” for www.adultfriendfinder.com, writes a monthly column on sex and relationships for the British lads magazine, FHM-UK, and appears on mainstream magazine covers each month. You never know where Tera might be popping up next!

TAKE THIS BROOM AND SHOVE IT

State senator’s son, 2nd teen admit ‘brooming’

By Stephanie Innes, Arizona Daily Star

PHOENIX — The son of state Senate President Ken Bennett admitted in court Monday to assaulting middle school boys with a broomstick in their rectal areas, but a judge allowed charges against him to be reduced from 18 to one, and he may avoid jail.
Three of the 18 victims, all boys between the ages of 11 and 15, are from Tucson, and the families are angry that 18-year-old Clifton Bennett and co-defendant Kyle Wheeler, 19, were not charged with sexual assault.

Also, the families said Bennett is being treated favorably by the court system because of his father’s position in the Legislature. Bennett’s plea would allow the court to classify the aggravated-assault conviction as a misdemeanor, which means he could go on to become a teacher or counselor and would never have to disclose the so-called "brooming" incident.

Bennett and Wheeler pleaded guilty to aggravated assault in court Monday. Bennett pleaded to one count and Wheeler to two.

"I think he got a sweetheart deal," said the father of one of the three Tucson victims, a 12-year-old boy who attends a local Catholic school. "I’d like him to get a year in prison. The victims should have been heard from before the plea was agreed to. If this was 18 girls who were victims, it would have been sexual assault."

Ken Bennett and his family would not comment Monday. The senator and his wife were in court throughout Monday’s hearing.

Bennett and Wheeler are scheduled to be sentenced on May 12 in either Phoenix or Prescott. Monday’s hearing took place in Phoenix before Judge Thomas W. O’Toole in Maricopa County Superior Court. O’Toole took the case after two Yavapai County judges recused themselves.

The maximum term for each aggravated-assault count is two years in prison, but probation also is possible.

Police reports say the assaults took place at Chapel Rock Camp in Prescott during a weeklong camp for school leaders in June. Witnesses told police that the junior counselors lined up the youngsters, told them to bend over and "broomsticked" them. The boys told police "broomsticking" was done alternately with a broom, a cane, a mop handle and a heavy-duty flashlight while they were clothed.

"If these were two kids from South Tucson without money or connections, they would never have been offered this deal," said Lynne M. Cadigan, a Tucson attorney who is representing two of the families.

Stephen Carrigan, a Houston lawyer representing another 12-year-old victim, said it was unfair to his client to consolidate the charges from 18 to one.

Bennett read a statement to the court in which he admitted the brooming and said he did it with the intention of insulting them through humiliation.

"I know I personally broomed a number of the campers. I know I personally restrained a number of the campers. I now know this was an assault under the law," Bennett said. " ‘Brooming’ was the name given for the practice of poking a camper, while clothed, in the area of the butt. A broom handle, a cane and a flashlight handle were the objects used. I know all of the campers were broomed at least once."

NEED A ROOM?

Sex In Lieu Of Rent Gaining Popularity

In Atlanta, an online ad offers a room in exchange for "sex and light office duty."

In Atlanta, an online ad offers a room in exchange for "sex and light office duty." In Los Angeles, a one-bedroom pool house is free "to a girl that is skilled and willing." And in New York City, a $700-a-month room is available at a discount to a fit female willing to provide sex.

On the widely used Web site Craigslist.org, some landlords and apartment dwellers looking for roommates are offering to accept sex in lieu of rent.

"They have to be attractive. I don’t let just anybody come into my house," said Mike, a man who answered the phone at the New York City listing but declined to give his last name, and refused to say whether he has, in fact, collected the rent under the sheets.

The offering of shelter for sex is older than, well, real estate itself.

But the online come-ons are franker than anything you might see in the newspaper classifieds, because they are not edited by Craigslist, and perhaps also because the anonymity of the Internet often causes people to shed their inhibitions.

Trading housing for sex is a form of prostitution. But the police aren’t kicking down doors.

Paul J. Browne, a deputy police commissioner in New York, said investigators have found that the Craigslist ads are frequently "little more than a form of voyeurism that didn’t result in an actual exchange of sex for rent."

Craigslist provides mostly free classifieds for apartments, used cars and just about everything else in more than 200 cities in 35 countries.

WILL PARIS BURN?

A bestseller. Nightclubs. TV. Reality porn. Paris Hilton, the ubiquitous heiress-as-brand, conquers genre after genre. Next up on her radar? Song.

By Chris Lee, South Florida Times 

Captive crowd

She tools around Hollywood in a Batmobile-like $500,000 Mercedes-Benz, squired by various Greek shipping heirs, swarmed by paparazzi. An abstraction of rich, blond fabulosity with a reality TV show and her own signature catchphrase — "That’s hot!" — she dances atop nightclub tables and struts down red carpets from London to Las Vegas.

Paris Hilton has turned product placement and endorsement deals into a kind of synergistic performance art to become one of the Information Age’s keenly sought-after pitchwomen. And for her unparalleled skill at amassing ever greater wealth and fame — by dint of being rich and ubiquitous — we reserve only our strongest emotions: fascination and scorn, envy and lust.

Her memoir, "Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose" (written with Merle Ginsberg and Jeff Vespa), spent five weeks on the New York Times bestseller list in 2004. Hilton’s signature scent and Just Me perfumes have racked up nearly $52 million in sales in the last nine months. And in March, plans were announced for a second franchise of her Orlando, Fla., disco, Club Paris (where she is contractually obliged to spend two evenings per month). Even "1 Night in Paris," the DVD of her videotaped sex romp with an ex-boyfriend became must-see X-rated TV (Hilton initially sued to stop its release, but in the end just negotiated a cut of the profits).

Yet this heir to the Hilton hotel fortune never ceases to confound expectations for the simple reason that no one ever expects her to succeed at all. Moreover, she’s set to come into a reported $30-million fortune, so why even try?

Low expectations certainly accompany Hilton’s long-delayed pop-rock album on Warner Bros. Records — she recorded a batch of songs with Green Day producer Rob Cavallo, threw most of them out and started again from scratch.

As her CD’s summer release nears, the drumbeat of pre-publicity has begun in earnest. Next month she will appear on the covers of Out and Blender magazines before embarking on what anyone even passingly familiar with the celebutante’s preternatural promotional talents can assume will be an all-out media blitz.

While curiosity about the project has been high, few musical tastemakers have heard the music. As a result, the press has generally sneered at the project since she signed with the label in 2004. "Could a Paris Hilton album be (choking … on … words) good?" asked the Chicago Tribune last year.

The bar is set so low, in fact, that Hilton has almost nothing to lose. On the other hand, if the CD is above average, the surprise factor could turn her into a pop savant — Hilton’s advantage position time and again.

To hear it from her musical collaborators as well as media observers with no vested interest in her success or failure as a singer, she’s got the discerning ear, protean work ethic and even the pitch control to make it as an American Idol in her own right.

A closer reading of their laudatory comments, however, reveals a common refrain, a shocked, cautious appreciation that seems to almost damn the socialite with faint praise.

Superstar DJ Paul Oakenfold, who remixed Hilton’s song "Turn It Up," sums up the conventional wisdom about her singing: "I think a lot of people were expecting it to be a lot worse than it is."

In the latest referendum on Hilton’s popularity, that may be her most bankable trait. Call Paris Hilton the Queen of Low Expectations.

It’s taking a village

Hilton has recorded an album’s worth of material — 10 tracks — with Scott Storch, the producer behind hits for 50 Cent, Beyoncé and Dr. Dre. But the lineup keeps changing; she continues to outsource songwriting duties to new writer-producers such as Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald (who has worked with Pink and Kelly Clarkson) and recent Oscar winners for best original song, Three 6 Mafia.

It’s impossible to ignore the perception that the heiress, 25, can pay as much as it takes to surround herself with hitmakers, all but guaranteeing the chart primacy of whatever she records. But according to Kara DioGuardi, who has penned hits for a constellation of Top 40 stars and who co-wrote three songs with Hilton, she seems to have found her musical niche.

"It’s fun music, it’s danceable, with elements of Blondie, a little reggae and great beats," DioGuardi says. "She has a very sweet voice, very breathy. It sounds exactly like what you would want Paris to be doing."

Which is to say Hilton doesn’t totally stink. In an interview with The Times last year, Storch offered similarly qualified kudos: "She’s actually got quite a musical ability. Her rhythm is better than a lot of people I’ve recorded in the past."

Even cynical journalists such as Village Voice gossip columnist Michael Musto, who traveled from New York to Los Angeles to interview Hilton for Out’s cover story, begrudgingly admit to being won over by the international socialite and her music. "I’ve written a lot of negative stuff against her," Musto says. "I came to bury her and I’ve ended up praising her."

Now listen to the praise: "Her fans are not responding to the concept of her fame for fame’s sake," he says. "They’re responding to her personality. The blankness. I’m not saying it as a diss. She has the quality of allowing any viewer to project whatever they want on her. That’s why she transcends all media."

Oakenfold has remixed songs for many of the biggest acts in the music industry, including Madonna, Jennifer Lopez and U2. But he initially blanched at the idea of remixing one of Hilton’s songs when Warner Bros. executives approached him. Oakenfold was ultimately persuaded to take the gig, however, after hearing "Turn It Up"; his remix of the song has become an established part of his set.

Like most Hilton followers, he had prepared himself for the worst. "I was surprised at how good her vocal was," the DJ says. "I’ve gotten a lot of good response on it. A lot of DJs who go on after me ask who it is. I say Paris Hilton and they’re really surprised."

In an age where public recognizability affects record sales more than an impressive vocal range, it’s tempting to assume studio wizardry compensated for Hilton’s lack of formal musical training. But several of her collaborators insist technology played no part in fleshing out her singing. "You can try and use auto tuning and all kinds of stuff like that," Storch says, "but it doesn’t sound natural. I’m not gonna do Milli Vanilli or anything like that."

For Gottwald, who co-wrote and produced a song for her album called "Nothing in This World," placing Hilton’s distinctive voice front and center was job one. "She has a really cool tone, particularly in the lower register," he says. "So I didn’t want to make a song where Paris was copying anybody else."

And so far, fan response has been promising. At Miami’s Winter Music Conference last month, the heiress joined Oakenfold in the DJ booth for the midnight set moment when he played "Turn It Up" — an event captured by filmmaker Adria Petty (daughter of rocker Tom) who is shooting a documentary about the making of the album.

When the song came on, "You could see the whole place was dancing," Oakenfold remembers. "She was really happy with it. The whole place was going crazy."

Hilton has recorded a cover version of Rod Stewart’s "Do Ya Think I’m Sexy," although it remains uncertain whether the song will make it onto her album. And according to DioGuardi, another song on the CD, "Jealousy," deals with the heiress’ public fracture with her former BFF (and costar on the reality TV series "The Simple Life") Nicole Richie. "It’s about the deterioration of a relationship she had with a friend of hers," DioGuardi explains of "Jealousy." "She talks about how one day she hopes they’ll be back together." Never mind that they won’t so much as make eye contact while filming their show.

Under wraps for a change

So far, Warner Bros. has micromanaged when and where Hilton’s music has been played and kept most music critics out of the loop. But label executives allowed a reporter to preview four tracks that will appear on the album. The bass-heavy Storch-produced club banger "Turn It Up" surrounds Hilton’s competent, kittenish singing voice with orgasmic squeals and suggestive panting — think of it as the musical companion to her sex tape.

"Jealousy" rocks harder, shot through with guitars, violins and plaintive lyrics. "You’re not the girl I once knew," she sings. "Tell me where she is ’cause she’s not you." On "Fighting Over Me" (featuring Fat Joe and Jadakiss), her "collabo" in the vein of LL Cool J and Lopez’s recent rap-R&B hybrid, "Control Myself," Hilton busts a rhyme over a hip-hop beat: "Every time I turn around, boys are fightin’ over me / Maybe ’cause I’m hot to death and so, so, so sex-ee." And the reggae-tinged "Stars Are Blind" is a solid pop offering that highlights Hilton’s vocal similarities to Gwen Stefani. Over a stuttering electronic beat, the heiress’ helium-high voice trills about new love with refreshing sincerity.

The quality of her backing tracks and choice of songwriting collaborators is of uniform high quality, but nothing overshadows Hilton’s implacable sense of self, which lends immediacy to her singing. Beverly Sills she obviously is not. But the socialite’s music ultimately achieves its purpose as a saccharine sweet, pop-y diversion.

"It’s a record for her to dance on banquettes to," says Craig Marks, editor in chief of Blender, who chose Hilton for the magazine’s milestone fifth anniversary issue, which hits shelves next month, more for her track record of making magazines fly off the newsstand than any musical bona fides. Nonetheless, he has heard several finished tracks and says her album is not without its merit.

"It’s not a ‘sit down and analyze the lyrics’-type of record. And it’s not a Mariah Carey, ‘this is the touchstone of a generation’-type of record. And it’s not intended to be — any more than a chick-lit book intends to win a Pulitzer Prize."

Neither of Hilton’s pop music confreres in the tabloid media universe, Lindsay Lohan and Ashlee Simpson, are releasing albums that will directly compete with Hilton’s this summer. But their respective paths from the pages of Us Weekly onto the pop charts could auger well for her: Lohan and Simpson parlayed their celeb notoriety into platinum album sales.

For her part, Hilton could teach a master class in playing celebrity for all it’s worth. Trish Todd, vice president and editor in chief of Touchstone Fireside books, which published "Confessions of an Heiress," was blown away by Hilton’s Terminator-like promotional tenacity.

"She had a publicity lineup that even the most sophisticated, road-hardened author would have been intimidated by," Todd recalls. "She hit the mark exactly on time, beautifully dressed, beautifully coiffed, starting at 6 in the morning at the ‘Today’ show, all the way through to the late-night events, parties and book signings. She’s amazing."

In a download-happy era of ripping music al gratis from the Internet, Storch insists fans will want to own a piece of the Hilton je ne sais quoi in addition to grooving on her tunes.

"The music is good and she has a brand name. Most of her fans support the products she released whether it be a beauty product, anything," he says. "I have all the faith in the world this album is going to be well-received. And purchased. People are not only going to want to hear the music, they’re going to want the packaging and to look at the pictures and see all the merchandising and everything that has to do with it."

In the meantime, the record label isn’t tempting fate and risking overexposure of their much-exposed artist; they are limiting her promo duties to select appearances until closer to the album’s release. Nonetheless, she talked to Star magazine about her music in February. Hilton’s verdict: "It’s hot."

Even with her deadline looming, she remains avid about seeking out new collaborators. And despite a busy schedule filming the fourth season of "The Simple Life," she visited Memphis hip-hop collective Three 6 Mafia in a Los Angeles studio two weeks ago to listen to a track they put together for her.

Fittingly, the group sees a potential Hilton collaboration as an opportunity to rebrand themselves as pop music producers.

"I was shocked," remembers Mafia member Jordan "Juicy J" Houston, "that she would want to listen to one of my tracks. As far as my writing and producing abilities, winning the Oscar was No. 1. No. 2 is, wow, Paris Hilton is interested in using some of my music!"

Times staff writer Susan Carpenter contributed additional reporting for this article. Contact Chris Lee at calendar.letters@latimes.com.