MORE AWARDS!!

MORE LUKEFORD AWARDS
DAY TWO

CREATED BY TMFR
(AND NOT FAYNER)

Fat Cheeseburger Award – Ashley Blue

Biggest Pothead Award – Taylor Mother Fuckin Rain

Best Dog Award – tie between Bandit, Rhiannon and Fayner

Biggest Dirtbag – Tyler Durden

Most In Need Of A Shower Award – Fayner

Sexiest Bitch Award – Jenna Jameson

The I Need To Retire NOW Award – Chasey Lain

Nicest Person Award – Nadia Styles

Biggest Overbite Award – Shy Love

Biggest DipShit Award – Moral Leader/Luke Ford

Most Crooked Dick Award – Scott Fayner

Best PA Award – Nate Hall

Best Newcomer Award – Tiffany Taylor

Best Anal Scene Award – Lauren Phoenix

Worst Ass Award  – Cindy Crawford

 

Best Director Award – tie between TMFR and Vincent Voss

A NEW CROSSWORD PUZZLE!

ACROSS
 
 2 Little brother of Amber Lynn, first name
 5 First company to contract Krystal Steal
 7 named after the Greek Goddess of Female Jizz
 9 Male lead in most expensive porno ever made, last name
 10 Birth place of Brianna Banks
 11 Classic series that initially focused on incest
 14 Hustler’s only contract performer
 15 Killed himself outside Jill Kelly’s house, last name
 16 City that the late Clive McLean hailed from
 
 DOWN
 
 1 Tony Testa’s obvious high school nickname
 2 Former male star rumored to have once been a bus driver for handicapped people
 3 Number of children Larry Flynt has
 4 Allegedly fucked 500 men for one flick
 6 Defiance Films’ debut movie
 8 Past jobs included Screw publisher and deli host
 12 Female performer who moonlights as a wrestler and a fitness competitor
 13 First name of the worst dresser in porno

 

FREE SEX FOR HOWARD STERN LISTENERS

Just got off the phone with TMFR, the Stern show called to do an interview about her retirement. ANyone who listened to the Stern show this morning knows Howard and Robyn spoke about Taylor’s retirement and move into directing. You can read about it on Gene Ross’s site www.adultfyi.com. What they didn’t mention, or realize, is that Taylor WILL still be doing hardcore, but ONLY for her website. Taylor has never made a penny from the web…. so now it’s time.

People can see her do hardcore, everything rhey’ve grown acustom to seeing her do… BUT now she will be the only one profiting from it. Smart move !!!

Taylors site will start accepting members on Thursday.. www.clubtaylorrain.com

And for now… our friends at Cyber Erotica would like to show some love to Taylor and to the listeners of the Howard Stern Show by giving you some free sex… click here

DIRECT LINK: http://in.cyberererotica.com/c/p4.cgi/340/2480631/H

 

MORAL LEADER HAS HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS

Hey fuckface Lukeford, I mean that wannabe fucking lowlife who left THIS site so he could try and do mainstream by selling a book of his ramblig and bumbling bullshit, but it turns out he sold 4 copies… so the pathetic piece of shit came back to start another wannabee website….

THIS IS TAYLOR MUTHA FUCKIN RAIN YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT…., now get this straight before I come down to Pornstar Karaoke and call you out like the bitch you are, you coward.

TODAY I announced my retirement from PERFORMING and so you, like the fucking dope you are, put up a posting saying "a source" claims I’m going to do a tranny on Wednesday….

DO YOU SIMPLY HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT? IS YOUR LIFE THAT PATHETIC THAT YOU WANT TO STEAL MY THUNDER, RUIN MY DAY BY POSTING SOMETHING AS ASSININE AS THAT??? YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!! I tell my fans and I tell the world that I’m quitting because I’m ready to settle down and start a family and take the next step in my career which is directing only, and you fuck with me??? You fucking bitch.

My guess….. you have no source, there is no source, because it’s 100% bullshit… you simply wanted to try and take away from my big day… well bend over you talentless fucking leach. Pray to whatever God you worship that you don’t ever run into me or anyone from Defiance.

AND NOW WHAT YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR…. TMFR’S BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

TAYLOR RAIN BIDS A FOND FAREWELL TO ON-SCREEN SEX

Fayner Posts: I’m so damn generic. Go where the herd does. Excitement comes in the form of Ben & Jerry’s free Ice Cream Day every May 2nd. Never stole, partook, enjoyed, fibbed, embarrassed or misbehaved. I’m the guy in the back with the broken walkman and the acceptable slacks who never rustles a feather unless the cool kids are doing it first. I’m the typical American kid who won’t stray off the path of normality.

That said, I’d like to share my present situation, one most everyone else has also dealt with one time or another as it is as common as a windmill on Tuesday pointing towards an old rake once owned by a guy who through time became an old guy with bad knees.

You still with me?

Okay, so I need your help. Tell me what you did when this happened to you. Please.

Remember when you married the porno star and then got dumped three months later ’cause you love drugs too much and you spent the next two years feuding until she got a dog and you said it would die within a year and it didn’t and you had bet your web site and had to hand it over to her and begin working for her, under her, and then be asked to write about how she’s retiring from the business to start a family and live happily ever after with another guy?

I know you probably forgot about it long ago. It’s not a story that one stores in their permanent memory, and if they did they’d trade it in to remember to feed the cat every day…the cat they don’t have. This is how common my situation is.

But I digress.

Sitting down Ms. Rain to write this story ain’t as easy as one might think considering how she’s always stoned and lightheaded. But when I finally did, pen to paper, I was met with resistance.

"I have to do this now? No! Don’t write this! Scotty! Stop! Do a for-real one!"

My first question dealt with Taylor’s retirement from performing and why she’s doing it.

"Why? So I can smoke more pot, direct more for Torrid and focus on making more money. It’s about time I plan for my future."

There was more to her decision she wasn’t telling me, so I prodded a bit more. I mean, plenty of people can juggle drugs and work without quitting a large part of their life.

"Listen, I want to start a family. I’m sure everyone knows about me and Keith (O’Connor, Defiance Films’ head honcho) being a couple. Well, we want to have kids. Some things are just more important than being a porno star."

But what about the slimy losers she fucked on film for years? Will she miss them?

"No."

Does this mean she’s currently getting plenty of sex?

"Yes."

Sweet.

This brings us to the upcoming AVN Awards, at which Taylor is nominated for Female Performer of the Year, and whether she believes she is deserving of the honor after her years of sizzling scenes.

"Haven’t I paid my dues? I think I have. Even with the tough competition I’m facing, I believe that my work speaks for itself, and even though I didn’t shoot 100 scenes this year like I have in the past as many of the girls I’m up against did, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished in this business and remain thankful for being able to provide great scenes for my awesome fans to jerk off to. I just hope the beautiful people who do the voting see that above everything else when picking the winner. It should be more than who stuck the biggest thing up their ass this year and who did the most DP scenes with borderline fags, ’cause I’ve been both of those in past years and never won Best Performer. What’s up with that? Winning this award this year would be the perfect ending to a perfect career for me. I’ve always had good relationships with people at AVN, and they know me and they know how much I love my fans and how much they love me, so I’d really love to go out on top like this.

Taylor will continue directing for Torrid and Defiance Films. Her fans can also keep up with her antics here on lukeford.com as well as her official site www.clubtaylorrain.com.

Taylor will be fosucing on her website now, something fans have been begging her to do for sometime now!  

I always get fanmail asking ‘when are you gonna do a site?’. In all my years in the biz i never had time to do a website. Well now I have all the time in the world to focus on it. The only hardcore anyone will see from me now will be exclusively on my website. i’ll be doing custom videos for my fans, writing daily columns and journals at 420 everyday, giving tips on post growing and sex.  I’ll do photosets every month for my site, plus i’ll shoot content with some of my friends plus i’ll have all the content from all of the movies i direct for Defiance and Torrid. I’ll have Pay Per View, Live Chat sessions with me directly, all kinds of shit. People can buy my movies, autographed movies and slicks, custom videos where I’ll do what my fans ask. All that shit.

The site is on line now?

Ya, the sites up now… but I won’t be taking members until end of this week. So people can go there TODAY and get a glimps of what it’s gonna look like. But on Friday, people can start joining and we can HOLLA at each other and start playin!! www.clubtaylorrain.com and they can start emailing me custom video requests or requests for me to sign stuff at taylor@clubtaylorrain.com

PRESS RELEASE FROM PLATINUM MEDIA

Platinum Media Releases 4th Annual XXX-Mas Title

Waterville, Maine   

JB Evans delivers his 4th Romantic and steamy holiday title starring one of their most popular models’, Brianna Baines and real life boyfriend and Army Sergeant, Eli White. Mandi Michaels was contacted by Brianna after she heard that her boyfriend was coming home on leave for 2 weeks and wanted to do a shoot. Boston bound and camera in hand, Evans caught the home coming moment which resulted in the directors best Holiday title yet.

"JB’s approach with non-scripted filmmaking and using real couples is why we like doing films for them" comments Brianna during the films interview. Platinum Media has been recognized for producing some of the most "Couple Friendly" and natural movies in the adult marketplace.

TK Jordan of Adult Insider comments, "we always look forward to what Platinum Media’s seasonal themes; there’s no telling just where they’re going to go next or what talent they’re going to find, we love it! For the Past Four years, they have been releasing targeted themes for several yearly holidays including Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years and even several Super Bowl titles. (Is the Super Bowl a Holiday"?)" Home for the Holidays along with three previously release Christmas titles are  scheduled to ship on December 3rd.

For information contact mandi@select-distributors.com or call 1-800-341-9744.

HERE WE GO

THE SECOND ANNUAL LUKEFORD.COM AWARDS

DAY ONE

WHO’S GONNA GO HOME WITH A "DICKY" AWARD THIS YEAR?

JUST KEEP READING TO FIND OUT…

THE "I KNEW GETTING A LUCKY RABBIT’S FOOT WOULD BE THE BEST $2.99 I’D EVER SPEND" AWARD

WINNER: RICK PATRICK

ALSO CALLED THE "WITH TOMMY LEE BEING SUCH AN OLD LOSER SOMEONE HAS TO STEP UP AND BE A ROCK STAR" AWARD, THIS HONOR GOES TO OUR GOOD FRIEND RICK PATRICK. ALWAYS GREAT WITH THE LADIES, RICK STEPPED IT UP A NOTCH THIS YEAR BY SCOOPING UP ONE OF THE FINEST BABES TO EVER FUCK ON FILM. HER NAME IS JESSE JANE. MAYBE YOU’VE HEARD OF HER. SHE’S NOW MARRIED TO RICK. BEFORE YOU CURSE THE SON OF A BITCH FOR BEING SO DAMN LUCKY, BE AWARE THAT RICK ONCE SAT ALONE OUTSIDE FOR A WHOLE NIGHT WAITING FOR A SHOOTING STAR SO HE COULD WISH FOR THE LOVE OF JESSE.

THE "I’D LOVE TO BE DOING PORNO BUT MY MOMMY WOULD KILL ME" AWARD

WINNER: NATE HALL

A VETERAN IN THE PORNO BUSINESS AT ONLY 21 YEARS OLD, THIS SON OF HOLLYWOOD VIDEO OWNER BAMBI HALL HAS BEEN AROUND BEAUTIFUL SMUT SLUTS MOST OF HIS LIFE. UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM, THOUGH, MOST OF THAT TIME HAS BEEN FILLED DOING PA WORK THAT LEAVES HIM CLEANING UP SEMEN LEFT ON THE FLOOR AFTER SOME OTHER GUY JUST FUCKED THEM. THAT SUCKS FOR HIM. CURSED WITH BEING A NICE GUY AMONGST WOMEN WHO’D RATHER HAVE ANAL WARTS THAN A NICE GUY MEANS NATE RARELY CASHES IN ON PERK #1 OF WORKING IN THE SEX BUSINESS…FUCKING EASY WHORES JUST ‘CAUSE YOU CAN. AND WHILE HE’S BEEN PUSHED TO STEP IN AS TALENT FOR ABSENT GUYS ON SHOOTS A TIME OR TWO OR THREE, THE FACT THAT A) WE’D SURELY POST TONS OF PICTURES OF HIM DOING IT, B) HIS MOMMY READS THIS SITE AND C) HIS MOMMY WOULD RIP OUT HIS SMALL INTESTINE AND FEED IT TO HIS LARGE INTESTINE IF HE DID A SCENE KEEPS THIS YOUNG HUNK FROM MAKING THE PLUNGE INTO A WORLD WHERE PEOPLE WOULD PAY HIM MONEY TO FUCK SLUTS AND THEN GO HOME AND SMOKE WEED AND WAIT FOR THE NEXT TIME PEOPLE WOULD PAY HIM MONEY TO FUCK SLUTS AND THEN GO HOME AND SMOKE WEED.

 

THE "TONY TESTA MOST NARCOTICS CONSUMED" AWARD

WINNER: TIFFANY HOLIDAY

LAST YEAR WINNER FAYNER SADLY HANDS THE CROWN OVER TO THIS WALKING CRACK PIPE. HOLIDAY, A VIRTUAL NEWCOMER ON THE SCENE, HAS QUICKLY EARNED HER SEAT AT THE BIG BOY TABLE WITH HARD WORK AND HARD DRUGS AND THE WORST METH MAKEOVER THIS INDUSTRY HAS WITNESSED IN YEARS. AS VETERANS LIKE DEZ, FAYNER AND CRAVEN FALL PREY TO THE CURSE OF GETTING OLD, THE VACANT SLOT HAD TO BE FILLED BY SOMEONE WILLING TO TAKE THE RIDE ALL THE WAY TO THE END. THAT SOME ONE IS TIFFANY HOLIDAY.

 

THE "I HAD TO RUN AWAY CAUSE I COULDN’T KEEP UP WITH FAYNER" AWARD

WINNER: TONY TESTA

HE RAN OFF TO SAN DIEGO TO WEAR SANDALS AND ONLY SMOKE POT AND LIVE IN THE GAY SECTION OF TOWN ‘CAUSE HE COULDN’T CONTINUE FAKING HIS WAY AS A COCAINE GOD. SADLY, HIS LIFE WAS SOON FILLED WITH JERKING OFF TO TRANNY FLICKS AND LOOKING FOR MEN TO SATISFY HIS GIRLFRIEND. ROCK BOTTOM CAME WHEN HE ALLOWED JUNKIES TO MOVE INTO HIS PLACE AND THEN ROB HIM. ALL THIS SEEMS MUCH WORSE THAN THE DEATH HE WOULD HAVE SURELY ENCOUNTERED IF HE STAYED IN HOLLYWOOD. CAN YOU SAY PUSSY?

 

THE "BEST LIE TO GET OUT OF BLOWING FAYNER" AWARD

WINNER: (TIE) NAUDIA NYCE/NADIA STYLES

BOTH HAVE PROMISED ORAL SATISFACTION TO FAYNER. BOTH HAVE AVOIDED FOLLOWING THOUGH WITH IT LIKE THE PLAGUE. WHILE NAUDIA NYCE DID ATTEMPT THE ACT UNTIL A BLOODY NOSE ON DEZ’S COUCH POSTPONED THE FINISH, NADIA STYLES HAS FOR YEARS BEEN PROMISING WITHOUT ANY ACTUAL MOUTH-TO-DICK ACTION. NYCE WAS OFFERED AN OUT IF SHE SERVICED YOUNG NATE INSTEAD DURING THE GLAMIS TRIP, WHICH SHE NEVER DID, LEAVING HER STILL OWING FAYNER A BJ. NADIA CAME CLOSE TO FULFILLING HER OBLIGATION LAST WEEK ‘CAUSE SHE HAD TO GO TO FAYNER’S HOUSE TO SIGN PAPERWORK AND WOULD HAVE BEEN PUSHED INTO A DARK ROOM AND HANDED A DICK HAD SHE ACTUALLY SHOWN UP DESPITE CALLING AND SAYING SHE WAS ON HER WAY. BASICALLY, BOTH THESE HOOKERS OWE FAYNER’S DICK A GOOD POLISHING, BOTH SUCCESSFULLY DODGE HAVING TO DO IT AND BOTH NOW HAVE TO SHARE THIS AWARD. ANY GUESSES AS TO HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE FAYNER TO GET BOTH OF THEM TO SHARE HIS DICK AT THE SAME TIME? WE GOT DIBS ON 2 YEARS.

CHECK IN ALL WEEK LONG FOR MORE

CHEW ‘EM UP AND SPIT ‘EM OUT! IT’S THE HOWARD STERN WAY!

SITTING PRETTY ATOP A PILE OF CASH EARNED FROM PORN STARS AND DYKES AND ALL-AROUND WHORES WHO MADE HIS RADIO SHOW WORTH CHECKING IN FOR ALL THEM YEARS, HOWARD DISSES THEIR CONTRIBUTION AND HIS FORMAT FOR MIDDLE-AGED MEDIOCRITY

From www.newsmax.com Howard Stern rejects the conventional wisdom that he will be less funny when his bawdy talk show moves to Sirius Satellite Radio next month, where he will no longer be subject to federal decency laws. "People have said to me, ‘The FCC is such a good foil for you. You need it.’ It’s such bullsh–t," he says in the Dec. 12 issue of Newsweek (on newsstands Dec. 5). "My act isn’t about saying the FCC sucks. It never has been. It’s about going out and talking to people in a real way." Stern also tells senior writer Marc Peyser and correspondent Nicki Gostin that he disagrees with the oft-applied label, "shock jock." "If I just went on the air and did shocking things, the show would be over in a month," he says. "It’s not about someone getting naked in a studio for me. It’s about what drives a person to get naked in a studio, who the hell they are and what makes them tick. It’s about honesty."

While walking the halls of Sirius’s New York offices, Stern sees rapper 50 Cent, who gives Stern a hug and asks when he can be on the new program. "I’ll bring my own strippers," offers 50. "I’ll bring my own whores," says Stern, "and we can really make a show." But Stern has some concerns about the move as well. Sirius has more than 2.2 million subscribers; Stern’s current audience is 12 million. While on the air in recent weeks, Stern has fretted repeatedly about his audience’s not following him to Sirius, of not being loved enough for them to pay for him. "To me — and this is a big sickness — my audience will never be big enough," he says.

So what does a king do on a shrunken throne? For one thing, he’s bringing back many of his greatest hits from early in his career, before he racked up millions of dollars in FCC fines. Bits like "It’s Just Wrong," where fathers and daughters undress each other, and "The Bathroom Olympics," where Howard and his minions race to see who can pee first. He’s also thinking seriously about putting cameras in the bathroom that’s being built especially for the Wack Pack — Wendy the Retard, High-Pitched Eric, Jeff the Drunk, Cleft Palate and the others who make up Howard’s very own Island of Misfit Toys. If all this seems like a deep shade of blue even by Howard’s standards, perhaps that’s because he’s making up for lost time, write Peyser and Gostin. "The show I’m doing now sucks compared to what I was doing 10 years ago," he says, though he is still No. 1 in New York, Los Angeles and beyond. "I don’t have porn stars on anymore. I haven’t had lesbians on for six months. There’s no point. You can’t ask about their lives."

Before the Sirius deal came through a year ago, he was ready to quit radio after 29 years behind the microphone. "He would come in every day and have to work really hard to think about a word that could get on the air, and even then we were having the button pushed on us," says Stern’s longtime sidekick Robin Quivers.

 

WHEN WILL PEOPLE FINALLY ADMIT THAT THERE’S NO GOD, AND IF THERE IS HE’D RATHER BE LEFT ALONE

EX-STRIPPER FINDS GOD, NOW ON A MISSION TO FORCE-FEED HER BELIEFS ON THE REST OF US

From www.worldnetdaily.com A former stripper is taking off all pretense when it comes to the Word of God, as she’s on a mission designed to bring porn stars, nude dancers, and people addicted to pornography closer to God.

“We pattern our ministry after the very ministry of Jesus by actually going to the people who need him,” says Heather Veitch, who performed in Las Vegas and California. “Our desire is for people to see that Christianity is anything but boring and restrictive. In Christ, we are free to experience adventure, pleasure, forgiveness, hope and peace.”

The 31-year old full-time hairdresser has created a sparkling website called www.jcsgirls.com which has had 40,000 hits in three months. The page was launched some six months ago in the wake of the alcoholism death of a friend and co-worker from a strip club in Colton, Calif. So far, it has helped several nude dancers to start attending church.

A Christian for the past five years, Veitch also cares for her terminally ill husband and her two children, ages four and 13.

“As a successful Vegas stripper, I lived life to the extreme,” says Veitch. “I partied with celebrities, traveled, and found pleasure in the lifestyle that stripping provided. However, deep down inside I was terrified to die. Feeling like I would eventually pay the price for the life I lived, I began ‘bargaining’ with God.”

“The pleasure, excitement, attention and love I get from living my life in the way God planned is far better than the unfulfilling and regretful life I lived before asking Jesus into my heart,” she adds.

Also part of the JC’s Girls team are Lori Albee and Tanya Huerter, married teachers who grew up in Christian homes, and appear in glamour-gal shots on the website.

“They remind me of ‘Charlie’s Angels,’ but they are for real!” says documentary filmmaker Bill Daly in an on-site testimonial. “They’re fighting false glamour with real spiritual beauty.”

The gals also run a blog on site, providing the public with the latest information.

An entry from Heather dated Dec. 1 reads: “Lori, Tanya, and I are learning all about porn conventions. There is so much crazy stuff that you need that we would have never thought of … like carpet.”