Because we all need a good laugh ….

Found this little gem on GFY.

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”

The man said, “Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn’t find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.”

St. Peter couldn’t deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. “Well, sir, it was awful,” said the second man. “I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!”

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

“Tell me about the day you died?”, he said to the third man in line.

“OK, picture this, I’m naked, hiding inside a refrigerator …”

 

Enough already Wicked Pictures with your Fake “Sex Expert”

I hate to be a bitch and I’ve quite honestly fought really hard with the other posters and owners of this site to clean up the kind of articles that get released lately at LukeFord.com.  I want the site to be an informative news source about the adult industry and not a pile of bullshit posts with rumors, slander and pissing matches that this site really used to be.  I’m really happy to say that over the last year things have really cleaned up the site.  But that doesn’t mean from time to time we have to speak out and point out some negative issues that go on in our industry and today is a perfect example of that.

It’s an election year and that means porn is always in the spotlight and anything any of us do can be a huge problem because the media or some jack ass politician looking for an easy target can make it out to be a bigger issue than it really is.
I’ve been seeing a lot of press releases lately from Wicked Pictures promoting one of their contract stars as a sex expert.  Today I seen a blog post calling her an “Emerging Sexual Wellness Authority”.  That bothers me.

Turns out it is a felony for anyone to pretend to be a medical expert when they are not.  You can’t just going around saying you are a doctor when you aren’t or in this particular case without actually saying “doctor” they are instead implying expert or authoritative knowledge in this specific area of study which is usually attributed to those with a degree in psychology or related area of study.  So telling people you are an authority when you aren’t really can be a very big deal … perhaps even fraud and a felony.

So today when I seen this porn star promoting them self as an “Emerging Sexual Wellness Authority” it really bugged me a lot.  This bothers me greatly because in the end the actions of those in the spotlight in our industry has great influence over all of our lives and careers.

If someone goes around pretending they are an expert or promotes themselves as a doctor or some kind of actual medical expert and they aren’t, then it can have a negative impact on all of us.  Because much like the condom issue, we have all seen how quickly an issue can get out of hand.  All it takes is the right fuck up in the wrong hands and things can get ugly really quick.

I have 52 different press releases from Wicked Pictures that in some way shape or form refer to Jessica Drake as a “sexual wellness authority”.  Not 1, not 2, not 10 but FIFTY TWO!!!!!!!

I looked into it before making this post just to make sure I’m not mistaken but as I suspected, it turns out Jessica Dake, who has been promoting themselves as a “sexual wellness authority” doesn’t have a degree in that area of study or actually any degree at all from what I can find.

Despite some people in our industry like say Dr. Victoria Zdrok who actually has a PhD in Clinical Psychology who also happens to be a former Playboy Playmate and Penthouse Pet of the Year.  She also did a few adult movies as well.  But again she has a PhD and that makes her an actual AUTHORITY on sexual wellness.

Apparently just having sex with a lot of men makes this porn star and Wicked Pictures and their related PR team feel entitled to call her an “Emerging Sexual Wellness Authority” and that is a huge problem.

We have enough issues in our industry right now … do we really need to add to it by letting the mainstream media or politicians know that a porn star who no degree in this area of study and has spent years in a damaging relationship with a married man, is claiming to be an “authority on sexual wellness”?

She isn’t a doctor.  She has no degree of study in this field.  SO QUIT PROMOTING HER AS AN AUTHORITY IN THIS FIELD!  SHE’S A PORN STAR NOT A CERTIFIED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL  Believe it or not there is a major difference between the two.

Sucking a lot of cock doesn’t make you an authority on sexual wellness.  Nor does sleeping with a married man make you an expert of relationships.  It actually kinda makes you just the opposite but that’s another story for another day.

I have no problem with porn stars.  Love them.    In fact, I’ve worked very hard to help many of them improve their lives for years now.  Think what they do is great but trying to saying a porn star is an expert on sexual wellness is just asking for trouble and more government regulation or other related troubles for our industry.

There are a lot of porn stars out there who are highly educated with advanced degrees.  And to those girls I say good for them!   I truly hope that one day you can use those advanced degrees like Victoria Zdrok has done and combine what she has learned in the porn industry with her degrees to write books and even get hired as a legal expert and she regularity speaks on the talk show circuit and I think writes article son sexual wellness for Penthouse too – well at least she did for awhile.

But for those of you who don’t have a degree in clinical psychology or a related field, just being a porn star doesn’t make you an authority on all matters.  You make be able to suck a hell of a cock but that’s a far cry from an authority on sexual wellness.

So to make this clear so there is no confusion … while there are porn stars with advanced degrees, Jessica Drake does not seem to have one, at least not one that I found after reading numerous published biographies and interviews about her.  She most especially does not have a degree in psychology or any related medical field that make make her an expert or authority on sexual wellness.  She’s a porn star.  Making porn is her area of expertise.  Sexual wellness is not and continuing to say you are is fraudulent and quite possibly criminal.

And calling me a bitch doesn’t make this fact any less true.  Fraud is fraud and liking me or not liking me doesn’t really change that.

 

 

 

Girlfriends Films may not suck dick but their covers do

I got another press release today about Girlfriend Films releasing some more.  Who know what the fuck the name of it is.  Some lesbian movie or whatever #937.  What amazes me though, is all the money they spend on PR, nobody once ever thought to sit these people down and tell them that they have the worst fucking box covers ever and that their box covers make their films look like shit?

The sad thing of it is, they have some decent movies but most people will never know that because if you go on first impressions and most people do, their movies will go overlooked do to the box covers.

Girlfriend films may now spend more on production and hiring much hotter chicks and spend way to fucking much money on PR but until they fix those fucking awful box covers, they will forever be kicked to the curb by most folks and classified as yet another piece of shit, low budget porn.

Mark Davis Retires

If you follow porn stud Mark Davis on twitter @MarkDavisXXX, on Friday you might have seen his goodbye to porn tweets.

OK here it is people, as of today l am retiring from the PORN BIZ. This is not a joke and it’s been a great ride. (September 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm)

Thanks for all the support and LOVE. Much appreciated. (September 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm)

 

So it’s official. Mark Davis is retired.

By the numbers …

Was doing some reporting today and thought you might be interested to know that in the last 6 years, the top 6 most popular stories posted were …. drum roll please …

  1. Shawna Lenee Did Her 1st Anal and Someone Almost Went to Jail
  2. Hanna Hilton Leaves The Porno Business
  3. Hot Porn Stars Under 25
  4. Savannah Gold Found Dead
  5. INTERVIEW WITH EVE LAURENCE
  6. From Playmate to Porn Star. Oh yah! A Bunny Goes Hardcore

 

I need a Porno Bitch

I was watching the 2012 AVN awards show on  Showtime tonight when they had Too $hort come out and do a rap song.  While normally I’m not a fan of songs in the rap genre, this one was rather catchy so I thought I would share it with you. 🙂

 
 

 
 

I need a porno bitch (be-beitch) a freaky porno bitch (beitch)

I fucked a lot of strippers
Bring her ’round me motherfucker I’ll stick her
I’ll fuck your lil’ sister
then fly her out of town nigga what I don’t miss her
(Beitch!) You ain’t hard as me
I fuck hookers, but they don’t be chargin me
What about the tramps and sluts?
I fucked a few, but I can’t get enough
of them educated, sophisticated
Got a good job and other bitches hate it
You know the kind of woman that’s hard to get
Know just what to do with a hard dick
I even like ’em young
I keep ’em up all night I’m just havin fun
But I don’t need strippers, rippers or a hoe
Right now I need a pro

Chorus

I need a porn star
I got a big-ass dick, and I was born hard
I want some professional head
I’m tired of havin sex in the bed
Let’s fuck on the kitchen counter
and make a sex tape, yeah bitch I’m down!
I’ll fuck you like Mr. Marcus
Get butt naked let’s get this started
Drop that dress on the floor
Turn the camera on, and press record
I’m ’bout to make you a star
Boost that ass up on a stool at the bar
Are you willing and able
to ride this dick on a pool table?
Cause after that, it’s shower sex
Can you handle another hour of this?

Chorus

I’m talkin ’bout Tera Patrick
Sunny Leone, now that’s a bad bitch
AnnMarie, and Puma Swede
I want all them bitches to do me
I’ll take Jesse Jane, get her wet and gushy
Alia Love, she’ll eat her pussy
Anne T was my favorite bitch
Vanessa Blue with them big lips
I can’t forget, Jenna Haze
I want to bust a nut, in her face
I’m comin, but it might take a while
I gotta do a scene with Shyla Stylez
And after that, it’s Nikki Benz
All I wanna do, is stick it in
Girladonna, and Charmane Star
I wanna fuck Monique Alexander
Bitch!

Chorus

Outro
Yeah that’s right baby we still smoke big
We still do it big
Too $hort is still in this shit
Album in stores soon
And it don’t stop
Beitch!