I need a porno bitch (be-beitch) a freaky porno bitch (beitch)

I fucked a lot of strippers
Bring her ’round me motherfucker I’ll stick her
I’ll fuck your lil’ sister
then fly her out of town nigga what I don’t miss her
(Beitch!) You ain’t hard as me
I fuck hookers, but they don’t be chargin me
What about the tramps and sluts?
I fucked a few, but I can’t get enough
of them educated, sophisticated
Got a good job and other bitches hate it
You know the kind of woman that’s hard to get
Know just what to do with a hard dick
I even like ‘em young
I keep ‘em up all night I’m just havin fun
But I don’t need strippers, rippers or a hoe
Right now I need a pro

Chorus

I need a porn star
I got a big-ass dick, and I was born hard
I want some professional head
I’m tired of havin sex in the bed
Let’s fuck on the kitchen counter
and make a sex tape, yeah bitch I’m down!
I’ll fuck you like Mr. Marcus
Get butt naked let’s get this started
Drop that dress on the floor
Turn the camera on, and press record
I’m ’bout to make you a star
Boost that ass up on a stool at the bar
Are you willing and able
to ride this dick on a pool table?
Cause after that, it’s shower sex
Can you handle another hour of this?

Chorus

I’m talkin ’bout Tera Patrick
Sunny Leone, now that’s a bad bitch
AnnMarie, and Puma Swede
I want all them bitches to do me
I’ll take Jesse Jane, get her wet and gushy
Alia Love, she’ll eat her pussy
Anne T was my favorite bitch
Vanessa Blue with them big lips
I can’t forget, Jenna Haze
I want to bust a nut, in her face
I’m comin, but it might take a while
I gotta do a scene with Shyla Stylez
And after that, it’s Nikki Benz
All I wanna do, is stick it in
Girladonna, and Charmane Star
I wanna fuck Monique Alexander
Bitch!

Chorus

Outro
Yeah that’s right baby we still smoke big
We still do it big
Too $hort is still in this shit
Album in stores soon
And it don’t stop
Beitch!

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day

Orasure is marketed and FDA approved mind you, a rapid HIV diagnostic tool with over 99% accuracy.  In short you swipe it in your mouth (it uses saliva instead of blood) and gives a test result, much like how a pregnancy test does in 20 minutes.

The product retails for about $25 to $35 a piece but wholesale can no doubt be purchased much cheaper by producers.

So here is my question … why isn’t having a test like this on set an acceptable alternative to condom use?

Hell they even have combo packs that test for for Chlamydia, Cytomegalovirus, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Herpes types 1 and 2, HIV, HPV Genital Warts, Rubella, and Toxoplasmosis.

These combo packs cover more than the current industry testing does and there is no fear of faked tests because you could do them right there on the set in less than 20 minutes!  You could know right there, on the set before going in to shoot a scene with 99% level of accuracy is the guy you are about to blow has HIV or of the girl standing next to you has genital warts.

The more I read, I found out there is also a HIV piss test.

HIV home testing is easy with these kits. With these HIV tests there is no need for blood – instead one drop of urine is required. These HIV tests might be the most accurate on the market – Three different studies have shown 100% sensitivity and 100% specificity. HIV test at home and get immediate accurate results.

If testing really is that easy, that quick and that accurate, why the hell are these test kits not on every porn set?

What am I missing here?  What am I not understanding?

No longer do you have to wait days to get test results.  You don’t wait 30 days between tests.  You test every time you make a movie, while on the set so there is never any question about your results.

Surely there is something I am not understanding, some reason why these kind of tests aren’t required.  Why would you wait 30 days between tests?  Know for sure right now if some bitch you are about to fuck has herpes or genital warts.  We already know that HPV is rampantly spread among performers, which vastly increases your risk of cancer as well as infertility.  So with these kind of testing you would be able to to know for sure and avoid performing with someone who tests positive for HPV, herpes, chlamydia.

These combo packs are far more extensive in what they test for.  They are readily available and can be done on the set.

So again what the hell am I missing here?  I just don’t get it?

When someone sent me this.  I laughed my ass off.

Rick’s Cabaret Girls Predict: Giants over the 49er’s and they were right!

The Rick’s Cabaret New York Girls are big fans of the NY Giants. They predict that the Giants are destined for this year’s Super Bowl.

“I knew they would beat the heavily favored Packers and they did,” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Brielle (36D-25-35). “I am sure that they will beat the 49ers this weekend and then they are going to the Super Bowl!”

“The Giants have the momentum and Eli Manning is the man–you’ll see,” she cooed.

Several of the football Giants are regulars at Rick’s Cabaret NYC, the famous tri-level midtown Manhattan upscale gentlemen’s club. “The Giants are a lot of fun when they are here at the club,” said Rick’s Cabaret Girl Karina (32C-23-33). “But I am not allowed to mention anyone’s name. We respect everyone’s privacy.”

Rick’s Cabaret New York Girl Beverly (34C-24-34) promised, “The Giants can expect a tremendous welcome home party here at Rick’s after they beat the 49ers.”

Rick’s Cabaret
50 West 33rd Street
New York City

]]> http://lukeford.com/2012-01-24/are-the-ricks-cabaret-girls-psychic/feed/ 1 http://lukeford.com/2012-01-24/bacon-flavored-what/ http://lukeford.com/2012-01-24/bacon-flavored-what/#comments Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:37:59 +0000 Foxy Lady http://lukeford.com/?p=22912 Now Available: Bacon Flavored Lube

You’ve always been a lover of bacon.Now you can be a bacon lover,with baconlube™, the world’s first bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil.

I kid you not folks, you can honest to goodness satisfy your bacon craving and your lover all at the same time! It’s sold by J&D’s Foods – who think everything should taste like bacon. This is no joke, but apparently it started out as one.

baconlube began as an elaborate April Fool’s prank and was never intended to be a real product. But when the joke ended, the emails kept coming. People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built.

So who’s responsible for this highly anticipated creation actually coming to life? You are, that’s who. You and an intern named Martin actually, who sacrificed and offended his taste buds in the name of science on sample after failed sample before this really did taste like bacon.

I just want to know where I can get my Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup flavored lube. Now that would be heaven!

Kagney Linn Karter has always been one of the most beautiful girls in porn.  I thought that about her since the very first time I laid my eyes on her.  I can remember the first time I met her in person.  She was every bit as beautiful up close as she was on the pages of the magazines I’ve seen her in.

Whenever pictures come out about industry events, I always find myself looking to see what Kagney Linn Karter looks like that night.  I wasn’t however prepared for what I seen last night.

I am confused why pretty girls like this go out of their way to mutilate their looks in one way or another.  Belladonna recently pulled a Britney Spears and shaved her head completely.

Is it that they are so unhappy with their lot in life that they have to go out of their way to try and make themselves look so bad they secretly hope nobody would hire them?  I remember Janine once talking about that in regards to why she kept tatting up her once beautiful body and would eventually become completely unrecognizable.

For those of you who don’t remember, or are in to much shock seeing her hair like that at the avn awards show, here is what she used to look like.

Speaking of Janine, here is what Janine used to look like and how she looks now.

I was really wondering that myself tonight … and then I figured it out. It was a simple tweet that said “Tonight’s awards are brought to you by @myfreecams!” The more I looked around the more I realized they are so busy whoring themselves out to really care about the show itself.

And that in a nutshell is why the XBIZ awards will never have the prestige that the AVN Award Show does.  Sure you can have corporate sponsors but for fuck sakes, don’t be so tacky about it.  At least pretend not to be for sale to the highest bidder.  Damn.

If you are going to be an obvious whore than people are going to treat you like one.

What you spend in sucking up to sponsors you should spend on promoting your show.  Did you know that in the last 24 hours there were less than 20 #xbizawards tweets TOTAL.  I just did a search and the first one of the day was 9 hours ago, then another star mentioned going to tan for the show tonight and blah blah.  Long story short, less than 20 #xbizawards tweets in 24 hours really says a lot about the quality of your show.  I should mention, making it even worse, that the show started two hours ago and the first award has already been given out.  How fucked up is that?

I want Eva Angelina’s tits hanging from my tree, man! Wouldn’t it be nice to see Jesse Jane straddling the top of the ol’ tree? Come o girls, this is a great marketing opportunity for you. Are you listening? LOL

Looks like someone at Arby’s has some explaining to do.

Number 11 is a master number. It is the number of illumination and is particularly connected with intuition (and other psychic experiences). If you’re familiar with numerology you know that you wouldn’t look at 11 as two 1s, but rather as either 11 or a 2. In this sense it is then connected closely to the number 2 which is the number of communication. 1 is about independence and self knowledge, 2 then is about communication. Once you’ve solidified your self concept then you move on to communicating that self with other selves. So, 11 being a number of enlightenment (illumination) it’s connection to 2 is more about communication between the higher self and the lower (physical self). It’s about the connection between the physical and metaphysical. 11 is about moving beyond the concerns of the ego and exploring the collective consciousness.

Number Eleven possesses the qualities of intuition, patience, honesty, sensitivity, and spirituality, and is idealistic. Others turn to people who are ‘Eleven’ for teaching and inspiration, and are usually uplifted by the experience.

In systems such as Astrology and basic Numerology, eleven is considered to be a Master Number. Eleven can also represent sin; transgression and peril. Ten being the perfect number, eleven represents the exceeding of both. It is interesting to note that eleven when broken down ( 1+1=2) comprises the Two of duality. Number eleven is a master vibration and as such should not be reduced to a single number.People with this number could be both idealistic and visionary, and they are attracted to the unknown.They can be both unusual, interesting and magnetic personalities.

Eleven bring the gift of spiritual inheritance, is gifted as the “Light-Bearer”. It is the number of the Light within all. Strengthened by the love of Peace, gentleness, sensitivity and insight. Greatest facility is the awareness of Universal relationship. Is related to the energy of Oppositions and the Balancing needed in order to achieve synthesis. Eleven is The PeaceMaker… Colours : Gold, Salmon, Prune, White and Black.

Determining Your Life-Path Number

Let us say that you were born on March 29, 1968.

March is the third month–3

the day 29, 2+9 totals 11

the year 1+9+6+8 totals 24 which reduces [2+4] to 6

Now add 3 with 11 [11 being a Master Number does not reduce]=14 +6=20

Drop the zero, and you have 2 as your Life-Path Number.

The world’s population is expected to hit seven billion in the next few weeks. After growing very slowly for most of human history, the number of people on Earth has more than doubled in the last 50 years. Where do you fit into this story of human life? Fill in your date of birth below to find out.

When I was born, I was the 3,856,212,364th person alive on Earth and the 78,092,684,087th person to have lived since history began

How did they calculate that?

Both numbers have been calculated using UN Population Division figures. The first is an estimate of how many people were alive on your date of birth. It is one possible value based on global population figures and estimates of growth rates over time. Data before 1950 is less accurate than figures after that date. The second number includes calculations based on the methodology of scholar Carl Haub, who estimated how many people had been alive since 50,000 B.C. His calculation has been amended by the UN to include additional points in time.

 

When does a cute little tat here and there go to far?

I know I’ve heard of more and more producers not wanting to work with girls who are all tatted up.  When I first heard about it, I quite honestly didn’t give it much thought.  I had always considered those kind of girls more ALT porn than mainstream but anymore it seems like everyone even big stars are getting large portions of their bodies covered in ink.  Do you think these girls will ever truly be accepted in what we have come to call mainstream (aka bigger budget) porno, or are they forcing themselves to be pigeon holed into the niche market of gonzo or ALT porn with their tats?

I would have said those kind of girls are ALT porn girls only, but then again just today my 72 year old aunt said “who doesn’t have a tat or two anymore?”  And you know what?  She’s right.  20 years ago a Playboy Playmate with a tattoo was unheard of, but today Hef’s main squeeze Holly Madison had one.  So, what do you really think?   What are the limits?  What level is to much for mainstream porn?  Are there even any limits anymore?

Today another such thing came through my mail.  It was the PR guy for Wicked Pictures.  Each week he has to send out emails about some new movie or what not, each time spelling Jessica Drake’s name “jessica drake”.  While to the rest of the world it looks really stupid and it makes the guy sending out the release look like a dumb ass for not knowing that you capitalize the first letter in someone’s name.  In reality he’s not a dumb ass. he just has to spell it that way because she’s the talent and for whatever reason she feels like she wants her name out there like that.  Of course it’s the PR guy who is sending out the press releases that loses credibility over it because he looks like he’s sending press releases with major typos in it every week.  Most people don’t know it’s the performer in question who is making such idiotic demands.

Wicked Pictures is pleased to introduce jessica drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Basic Positions, the latest breakthrough educational release from Wicked Pictures.

I know I personally go out of my way to try and not post press releases when specifically about Jessica Drake just because the whole name thing annoys me to no end.  I just can’t get how she doesn’t get that spelling her name like that is only embarrassing to her.  How does she not get it makes her look stupid?

Why is it we do this with talent / clients?  Why can’t we just go to the person and say listen you look like a dumb ass for spelling your name in all lower case, people are making fun of you behind your back all the time over it …  You focus on doing what you do best, making movies and let the marketing experts do what they do best???

I know she’s the talent and we have to pat her on her little head, put on a fake smile and do what she tells us to do but things in life would sure be a hell of a lot easier if we could just be totally honest all the time.

LOL

Okay /rant off

I think really Sara Jay says it best when she tweeted today ….

SaraJayXXX : Just sat thru an .xxx seminar today @xbiz eu ..was a pathetic attempt 2 sell us some unnecessary bs & segregate us from the rest of internet