Fayner Posts: Jenna Presley and Travis came over last night for our new weekly dinner party. Travis looked a little bummed out.

“Why the long face?” I asked.

“Well, you know how we recently moved? Well, before we did, Jenna made me throw away all my porn.”

“No way! You mean, the pristine, alphabetically-ordered Evil Angel-heavy collection you always bragged about? It’s gone?”

“Yeah, I wanted to tell you earlier, but I couldn’t bear to hurt you like that.”

“What are you gonna do? I mean, doesn’t Jenna give you plenty of sex?”

“Of course she does, but you know when you watch hours and hours of UFC fights and all the guy-on-guy hugging and squeezing gets you feeling a little gay around the wasteline so you toss in a good ol’ American porn flick to get you back to the hetero camp?”

“No.”

“Oh, well, ah…”

“Anything I can do to help, Travis? Find you a male lover perhaps?”

“Can you help me build my porno collection back up?”

“I will do my best.”

HEY EVIL ANGEL! JULES JORDAN! EVERY OTEHR COMPANY!TRAVIS WANTS YOUR MOVIES! CARE TO HAND SOME OVER TO A DESPERATE MAN? CONTACT ME AT faynerpornbiz@hotmail.com

Fayner Posts: Fresh off a short hiatus, Jenna Presley tells us she’s itching to get back to work.

Jenna is planning on only doing 15 boy-girl scenes. From there she’ll most probably only be working with girls. Unless, of course, we can get Travis do do some scenes.

Jenna says she’s doing these 15 scenes for her fans.

“I love them so much. They’ve treated me so well over these years, and I want to give them something back before Travis becomes the only man I’ll have sex with.”

Anything else you wish to say?

“Yeah, I want to apologize to my fans who bought in to that shitty fake web site jennapresley.com that Derek at Direct Models had made! That is the worst site I’ve ever seen. Go to my OFFICIAL web site www.jennapresleyxxx.com and I promise you will not be disappointed!

To book Jenna for one or more of the 15 boy/girl scenes she’s going to be doing, either call Travis @ 805 558-6435, the lukeford offices @ 323 420 3225 or email Jenna herself at jennapresley@tmail.com

Fayner Posts: Just got off the phone with my new literary agent. I was hoping it was about either of my movie scripts.

“Well, sort of,” he said. “These guys from New York who do musical theatre contacted me about finding someone to write a script for a musical about a porn guy named Wanker Wang. Do you know who he is?”

“Of course,” I told him.

“Wonderful. I emailed them some of your script and they loved it. They want to meet with you next Monday, okay, so over the weekend try and come up with something for them on this Wanker Wang guy, something that’ll blow them away.”

story in progress…

Fayner Posts: Saw Bianca last night at Dez’s birthday dinner in Beverly Hills. She looked anxious.

“You look like you could use a good fingerbanging,” I yelled to her from across the table.

“Is it that obvious?” Bianca shouted back.

“Yes.”

“I guess it just goes to show you that fingerbanging does a body good!”

“Can I fingerbang you?” I asked nicely.

“Ah, can I get back to you in a little bit? Something better may come by, so I’d like to keep my options open if that’s okay with you.”

“I guess. I mean, I’ve never been turned down for a fingerbanging session before. I gotta be honest here: It hurts a little bit.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry enough to let me fingerbang you?”

Fayner Posts: Details are sketchy, but I got a call from Skeeter moments ago.

“I can’t really talk right now,” he said, “but I wanted you to get this story before anyone else ’cause I love you.”

“Thanks, Skeeter.”

“Okay, so I was looking for a special gift for my new girlfriend, Leeza, and I decided to have some erotic pics of me taken sort of like a gag gift, you know? A friend of mine told me about this guy who has a camera and some cool snakes and I was like fuck ya!”

“Good move, Skeeter.”

“I think it was a coral snake of some kind, or, I don’t know, these drugs are starting to kick in you know? But it was big!”

“Where’d you get bit?”

“Take a guess.”

“Really? On your dick?”

“Hey, the doctor said I’m pretty lucky ’cause my dick was soft at the time. If it was hard, he said with the blood flowing I’d probably be dead by now!”

“Lucky you, Skeeter.”

“Fuck, yeah! I’ll call you later on!”

Fayner: What are these?

Lisa Marie: Monopoly pieces from McDonalds.

Fayner: Where is the food?

Lisa Marie: I found a McDonalds cup on the sidewalk.

Fayner: You did what??

Lisa Marie: Yeah, why not? I could have won a million dollars!

Fayner: Really? Do you truly believe that?

Lisa Marie: No. But I could have won an Egg McMuffin!

Fayner: Did you?

Lisa Marie: No, but I got Park Place! All I need is Boardwalk and I win a million bucks!

Fayner: Yeah, Lisa, you and everyone else. Maybe you should set your sights a little lower.

Lisa Marie: That’s what I’m saying! C’mon Egg McMuffin!

Fayner Posts: Spoke to Lisa Marie last night. She said she is going to make Sloppy Joes for all of us tonight. I’ve heard that one before.

“I’ve heard that one before,” I told Lisa Marie.

“No! This time is different! I swear!”

“Listen, slut. The only way it’ll ever happen is if I change my name to Joe and you give me a sloppy blow job!”

“That’ll work!” she screamed. “It’s a lot easier to clean up, too! It just goes right down the throat and into the belly!”

“Shut up!” I screamed. “Here you go getting me all excited to eat Sloppy Joes and then you go off on swallowing cum? I mean, I know it’s my cum and all, and I’m positive I’ll truly enjoy it, but enough with the visuals and all, okay?”

“So, ’round eight o’clock sound okay for you?”