About Scott Fayner

Former contributing editor at LukeFord.com.

THE GREATEST EMAIL IN THE WORLD…

HELLO FAYNER,

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SOMETHING HEARTWARMING FOR THE HOLIDAYS

A military working dog wounded in Iraq during a rocket attack that killed its Marine handler was adopted Friday by the slain Marine’s family.

Cpl. Dustin Lee’s family planned to take home the bomb-sniffing dog — named Lex — on Saturday after the 8-year-old German shepherd was granted early retirement. It was the first time a working dog was granted retirement to live with the handler’s family, officials said.

“Nobody can do anything to replace the void in this family,” said Col. Christian Haliday, commander of the Marine Corps Logistics Base in Albany, where Lee and Lex were assigned.

“We hope Lex can bring a small piece of his spirit and help maintain his memory,” he said.

On hand for a ceremony at the base were the Marine’s parents, Jerome and Rachel Lee, his sister, Madison, 16, and brother, Camryn, 12, of Quitman, Miss.

“It’s not going to bring back my brother, but it’s something close to it,” said Madison Lee as she played with Lex after the ceremony.

Military officials initially told the family that Lex had another two years of service before he could be adopted. But the family lobbied for months — even enlisting the aid of a North Carolina congressman — and the adoption came exactly nine months after the 20-year-old Marine was killed and his dog wounded on March 21 in Iraq’s Anbar Province.

2nd Lt. Caleb Eames, spokesman for the Albany base, said Lee and Lex were sitting outside at a forward operating base in Karmah when they were hit by shrapnel from a 73mm rocket explosion.

“A part of Dustin is in Lex,” said the fallen Marine’s father. “To have Lex at home is a part of having Dustin at home.”

Rachel Lee said she believes her son’s spirit will live on through the dog because of their close bond and because they were together during the final moments of her son’s life.

“It was blood on blood,” she said. “We can’t get Dustin back, but we have Lex.”

IS SIERRA SINN FROM SUDAN???

Fayner Posts: I’m watching a documentary called Sand and Sorrow about the genocide in Darfur, which is in the western region of Sudan. Millions of non-Arabs living in the country have been murdered for no reason.

Worse yet is the gang rapes that go on in the refuge camps while the women are off collecting fire wood. To combat this, many women have had their vaginas sewed shut with thorny vine, which makes raping them pretty much a painful experience.

Much like fucking Sierra Sinn, or so I’ve heard.

So the question remains: Is Sierra Sinn from Sudan? I mean, her pussy does cause horrible pain to anyone who goes near it, right? I just put two and two together and came up with this theory.

What do you think? Am I right or what? Let me know what you think at fayneralmighty@gmail.com

BRITNEY’S LITTLE SISTER IS A WHORE, TOO

The boyfriend of Jamie Lynn Spears could face statutory rape charges after getting Britney Spears’ sister pregnant at 16, it has been revealed.

And Casey Aldridge, 19, could face up to 10 years if convicted, possibly with hard labour.

Fox News reports that if the baby was conceived in Spears’ home state of Louisiana, the act could technically be considered “felony carnal knowledge of a juvenile.”

Louisiana law defines this unlawful carnal knowledge as “sexual intercourse with consent between someone age 19 or older and someone between age 12 and 17.”

In Louisiana a person can only legally consent to sex at age 17. If aged 15 or 16, the other person involved must be no more than two years older for the act to be considered legal.

But Aldridge wouldn’t fare much better if the “carnal” act happened in California, where Spears lives while on the set of her Nickelodeon TV show Zoey 101.

The Californian Penal Code states that any person who engages in an act of unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor under 18 who is not more than three years younger than the perpetrator, is guilty of a misdemeanour and faces up to one year in a county jail.

But Californian criminal defence attorney Jim Hammer says: “If Aldridge is actually more than three years older he could be up for a felony, which carries a maximum three years in prison.�

Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn says she believes she’ll be a good mother: “I love babies, and I have my nephews that I love.

“I have a great mom and she has raised three kids, so if I take lessons from her, I think I’ll be great.”

Fayner Says: Ignorant hillbillies are hilarious. They should never change. God, just imagine if the South won the war, we’d all be as dumb as the Spears sisters…

ANABOLIC VIDEO: YOUR KINDER, GENTLER PORN COMPANY

Fayner Posts: This is Winter. She’s a friend of Dez’s from San Fran who just got into the porn business working out of Gold Star.

This past weekend, Winter was off to shoot her first ever scene. I was thinking it would be something tame and vanilla, but when she said she was workng for Anabolic I sort of got scared; not because I wanted to marry the broad but because I felt badly about what was about to happen to her.

You see, Anabolic has been known throughout the years as a place to watch naive chicks get pounded like they’ve never been pounded before, a place where many dreams have started and ended in the same day. I thought this too would become of Winter.

When Winter returned to our place after many hours on set, I was certain she’d run right to a corner and start crying. There ain’t much worse than having a violated porn chick in your house (I’ve heard), and I wanted no part of it.

But Winter was all smiles! What, come again? Smiles? Anabolic? There must have been a mistake.

There wasn’t.

Back in the day, Anabolic hired people (machines) like Erik Everhard and John Strong who were human jackhammers. They were relentless in their fucking, and the girls always paid the price. There was spitting and slapping and multiple dicks hanging around. It was masculinity gone amok.

So why didn’t Winter suffer the fate of so many before her?

Because she worked with James Deen.

And what’s the problem with James Deen working for Anabolic? He’s a nice guy.

“James Deen!” I shouted. “What did you guys cuddle the whole shoot?”

“Not the whole shoot,” Winter said, “just before we began doing the scene.”

What? Come again? This is ludicrous! Since when is cuddling allowed on an Anabolic set? Since when do girls smile the same week as shooting for Anabolic?

This is truly a sad day for everyone. Tears are falling. It’s time to cut off our penises and balls. Armageddon has arrived…

ZOEY ZANE’S MURDERER CAUGHT!

EL DORADO, Kan. (AP) — A man suspected in the slaying of a college student who led a secret life as an Internet porn performer was arrested in Mexico, authorities said.

Israel Mireles, 24, was arrested Wednesday on a Butler County homicide warrant at a relative’s home in Melchor Muzquiz, Mexico, about 70 miles southwest of Eagle Pass, Texas. He was being held there pending extradition, U.S. Deputy Marshal Logan Kline said.

Mireles has been charged with capital murder, rape and aggravated criminal sodomy in the death of 18-year-old Emily Sander, Butler County prosecutor Jan Satterfield said. Investigators believe Sander’s killing was planned, she said.

Sander was last seen alive on Nov. 23 when she left an El Dorado bar with a man police identified as Mireles. The disappearance of the Butler Community College student drew nationwide attention after the discovery that she also led a secret life as an Internet pornography model named Zoey Zane.

Her body was found six days later, about 50 miles east of El Dorado, as police traced the route they believed Mireles took to pick up his 16-year-old girlfriend, Victoria Martens, in Baxter Springs.

Kansas authorities received tips about Mireles’ whereabouts in Mexico from several sources, and their Mexican counterparts had been monitoring his movements since at least Dec. 3, when he was charged in Butler County, she said.

Mexican authorities held off on arresting Mireles until they were assured of the legitimacy of Kansas prosecutors’ case, Satterfield said.

Satterfield said her office had to promise Mexican authorities that it would not seek the death penalty for Mireles. If convicted of capital murder, he would face life in prison without the possibility of parole, she said. The extradition is expected to take about 60 days, Satterfield said.

U.S. Marshal Troy Oberly said Martens, who is eight months pregnant, was found unharmed in the same Mexican city but has refused to return to Kansas, despite an offer by Kansas authorities to assist her return.

Satterfield said prosecutors don’t plan to file charges against Martens and cannot compel her to return to the U.S. because there is no arrest warrant for her.

“It doesn’t sound like she wants to return to the U.S. Our main concern was that she was alive and safe,” Oberly said.

Mireles became the focus of the investigation after police found large quantities of blood in an El Dorado motel room where he had been staying. Authorities have said that a bedspread that was missing from that motel room was found close to Sander’s body.

Police have not released details about the cause of Sander’s death, but say her Internet activity had no connection to her disappearance.

Mireles was born in Mexico, where he still has relatives, and has been living in the U.S. legally. A rental car he was driving was found Nov. 27 in Texas, where he also has relatives.

BIANCA DAGGER’S MOTHER STEALS HER VIBRATOR?

Fayner Posts: So Bianca Dagger comes back from a little vacation to see her folks up in the Bay Area, stops by our house to say hello. As always with her, I asked Bianca if she played with her vagina while away.

“Of course I did!” she shouted. “What’s funny is my batteries ran out on my vibrator and I went and got new ones. But with new batteries my vibrator it was way too loud to use ’cause my mother was home! But then she went out and I went to town on myself!”

But then Bianca became sad.

“When I was leaving, I couldn’t find my vibrator! I looked everywhere! I think my mother stole it like she stole my massager a few years back! And this from a Christian woman?!”

WHY CAN’T WE GET TWINS LIKE THESE TO DO PORN?

Fayner Posts: I know its a long shot ’cause chicks like this don’t do porn, but a guy can dream, right?

Kelly and Sabrina Aldridge are their names. They are super hot. I saw them yesterday in a movie called Deck The Halls with Danny Devito. The movie blew chunks but they are super fucking hot.

Every set of twins who have ever come into this business have been gross. The closest to hot are the Love Twins and they are sorta strange looking in a I don’t know if I’d fuck them if they weren’t twins kind of way.

Let’s hope the Aldridge Twins flunk out of Hollywood and start doping scenes together in the adult business. That would be fucking cool