Fayner Posts: So Taylor had the idea the other day to go snow boarding up in Big Bear. I thought, great, here we go, its gonna be another cold-ass trip where I’ll be tripping on e alone while TR bitches about how her pill got lost and a shitty time is had by all.
I was wrong, ’cause not only is Taylor sober but a few of other porno chicks decided to also make the 2 hour trek from L.A.: Staci AKA Alaura Eden AKA ADMIRAL FUNBAGS, Lisa Marie AKA LISA MARIE-HE HE! and Bianca Dagger. Our friend Pablo (or as TR calls him, Paulbo) and his little brother also came along. Paulbo’s brother is best friends with Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue’s son and I was thinking about how much it must suck having Brandi Brandt (sp?) for a mother and Donna D’Eriko (sp?) for a step-mother when you’re a teenage boy. Now I’m sure one of my sick friend’s has probably at one time pictured my mother when beating off, and I don’t like thinking about it one bit, but imagine having two former Playboy Playmates for mothers?
Anyway, the ride sucked due to large pieces of ice falling from the sky at breakneck speed. But after we got to the house and La Bella took a shit on the floor, it became the most wonderful place on Earth. My bloodhound Sara Rib-Eye took to the snow like, I don’t know, a porn chick to a dick. Good thing there’s lots of snow here.
All them are snow boarding right now, leaving me to watch the 3 dogs. Oh yeah, Lisa Marie-he he is passed out in back cause she fell too many times on her ass yesterday and she needs her ass to work making porn.
I was just outside with the dogs smoking a bowl and some guys working next door started talking to me about the bloodhound, and when the guy asked me what I do in LA and I told him and then said that porn chicks were here his face lit up like, I don’t know, a Christmas tree. Wait that sucked. His face lit up like Tiffany Holiday’s crack pipe in an alley while she services random people for $10 a shot. "Hey Charlie," the guy yelled to one of his workers. "Taylor Rain is staying in that house right there!" They all became giddy. It was cute.
Oh yeah, I was starting the gas grill outside last night to make dinner and when I threw in the match the whole thing torched and I looked down and the tank was on fire, probably due to a frozen line. Either way it sucked, and I thought it was gonna blow up in my face. But to save the porn chicks I reached underneath and turned the gas tank off and then threw a bunch of snow on it and then took the fuck off as fast as I could.
And I didn’t even get a measly handjob. I mean, I saved everyone’s lives!!! I think that is atleast worth a fucking handjob!
Don’t you?