Luke Ford

DCypher posts: I firmly believe one of the many great things about the internet is the amazing access it gives us to porn glorious porn. Sure blogging is nice, partisan tainted news is swell to kill an afternoon, You Tube and MySpace are both pleasant distractions from the crushing reality of the matrix we are caught in, not to mention The Onion, but in the end the internet is all about the pr0n. Let’s face it, if we were to strip away all adult related content from the web this grand little Gore inspired experiment would deflate faster than Greenspan’s erection during years of economic stability and flush.

Which brings me to my point. This is my newest MySpace friend Alicia. She’s like most 18 year-old Russian internet sex fantasy girls in that when she’s not taking on anonymous sex partners she randomly meets online she likes to shop at the mall with her friends, practice violin scales, and gargle pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks. Then again, who doesn’t this time of year?

She told me that her greatest ambitions lie in deep sea exploration and mycology but that for now she has had to put that all on hold, crippled, as it were, by the onset of her extraordinary beauty.

She also told me that her mother may or may not desperately need an operation, which may or may not explain why she felt compelled to share her luscious body with total strangers.

Let’s take a moment and honor that life altering decision, embracing it along with her, by perusing this fine FREE collection of barely legal nudity in the comforts of our own homes and hearths shall we?

Click on the pix to see the whole set.

Fayner Posts: I haven’t heard from - or about - Ariana in quite some time. Her MySpace says she is back living in New York.

Anyway, Ariana sent me an email the other day. This is what it said:

hey sweetheart

So I decided to persuse the industry news and gossip for the first time in a while… i noticed some articles about chico and hailey….. is this a joke ? or is that for real…

let me know

thanks

hope everything is great

Fayner Continues: I asked her if I could interview her, since as far as I know no one in this business had gotten closer to Wanker Chico Wang than Ariana. They were like fruit and salad, hamburger and bun, chocolate and whiskey. She says she isn’t ready to do an interview. Makes sense. I’m still gonna hound her until she complies.

Fayner Posts: I guess when people are stoned they don’t mind telling the cruel jokes people have made up about them in the past. Take Lisa Marie:

“So, it was 5th grade and a bunch of us were eating pizza. The boy I had a crush on was there. He was so cute and bad, I wanted him so bad! But then he comes up to me and with everyone standing around he says: ‘Hey, do you know what [Lisa Marie] and a pizza have in common?’ Silence, then: ‘They’re both flat and cheesy!’”

Lisa Marie hasn’t been the same since.

DCypher posts: Latinophiles, more commonly referred to in the barrio as “brown washed” or “reverse coconuts” like multiplatinum artist and Silverlake resident Beck, not to mention reality television show celebrities like Kat Von D, have been down with porn’s numero uno cholo PACO aka Danny Dukes, since Johnny Depp was buying lids of grass on 21 Jump Street…which is to say…a donkey’s ball hair short of eternity.

Still every now and then I’ll be cruising down Alvarado street in my lowrider playing K-EARTH or some Kid Frost with some new heina and mi ruca will try to front like she hasn’t heard of him before. Mentirosa!

Since I have more patience than Lalo Alcarez, Cristóbal Colón, and Lou Dobbs combined, I will pull to the curb and explain to mi corazon that when Down aka Kilo says he “leans like a cholo” with his “elbows up, side to side” he’s actually giving shots out to the OG Paco, who brought the world the Rose sisters shortly after they inexplicably fled Roy Garcia’s loving care.

Last night I spoke to Paco by phone about his newly acquired status as a bachelor. While he was hesitant to go into any details regarding the breakup, always the gentlemen, he was quick to let me know that singles life was just his speed and that he very much appreciated the taste of frosty cold beer the way an epicurean might enjoy a finely aged cheese. After a series of nearly incomprehensible demands, strained through vesuvian giggles, I promised him we would hit up my favorite strip club Crazy Girls in the near future and pleaded with him not to drink himself to death by accident like his former roommate.

Ladies…be forewarned. Danny “Paco” Dukes is now on the prowl and ready to paint the town red; redder than a Habanero chili, redder than Tecate, redder than former Mexican President Vincente Fox’s face when they hit him with that corruption probe this morning! Odds are that he ain’t going home solo any time soon though, not with that lean. Que onda LOCO!