Luke Ford

Fayner Posts: So Staci and I get into the car and I say to TR: “Let me check your hands and arms!”

“Why?” TR asks.

“I want to see if you were serious about not wearing conflict diamonds.”

TR shows me her fingers, which are surprisingly free from the blinding glare of blood diamonds.

“Good for you,” I say.

“See, I care!”

“Now let’s see the watch arm.”

“Opps!” TR shouts, as she reveals her platinum-faced Rolex with diamonds everywhere. “I forgot about this one!”

I shake my head. “Taylor, do you know how many Africans were killed for that watch?”

“I don’t know! One Hundred?”

Fayner Posts: So Wanker Wang is officially dead.

It’s a sad, sad day for everyone. I mean, now that he’s dead, who is gonna take over his Spring Chicken series and make timid chicks act like retarded chickens for his own twisted pleasure?

Seriously, back in the old days, way back like five years ago, Wanker was a cool guy. He was terrified of girls. He was a computer geek. He was fun. In doses, that is.

But he also drank. And although no one knew at the time, he was also a rapist and kidnapper, as well as an abuser towards women. It wasn’t until he again got arrested for the same charges did we know of his evil past. It’s too bad, too, ’cause Haley Paige got the raw end of the deal in the end.

It’s obvious Wanker killed Haley. So obvious, I bet even he knew that everyone in the Valley knew it, too. I bet a lot of people would have loved it if he came back to the Valley after news of Haley’s death hit the streets. I guarantee someone would have cracked his skull open with a pipe…

But instead he most probably killed himself with drugs. Coward.

That’s all I care to say at the moment.

Fayner Posts: If Lukeisback is correct, and he ALWAYS is, it seems Brian Surewood could be charged with murder following a car race he was involved in which ended with three people (two children) going to the hospital. One of the victims, a four-year-old girl, may not survive.

Tragic.

[the following is made up. I assumed everyone would know that. they don't. bummer. i mean no harm, just trying to create a touch of humor during such trying times...my apologies to those i hurt with my words]

Sources close to Surewood tell us that the driver of the other car heckled Surewood, saying he wished he looked like a pirate.

“Fuck that! I do look like a pirate!” witnesses say Surewood was heard shouting before both cars took off down the street headed for disaster.

Brian has always been a good guy, a fun-loving stoner, but if this information is true and he was at fault over this I hope he rots in hell for a long, long time. And if he’s Jewish, where there is no hell, I hope he spends eternity in Palm Beach, Florida.

Fayner Posts: TR called early this morning. I picked it up.

“We were fucking drunk as hell last night off that special vodka!” I shouted. “And no fucking hangover! See, I can yell and everything is fine and dandy like sour candy!”

“Stop it,” she interjected. “We have more important things to discuss.”

“Such as?”

“I finally watched Blood Diamond with Leo Dicaprio last night!”

“Good, wasn’t it?”

“Good??? It’s appauling is what it is! Do you know that for every diamond you buy someone has died because of it?”

“Yes, I saw the movie.”

“Well, mark my words: I will never wear a conflict diamond again!”

TR is on her way over right now so we can go run the dogs on the beach in Malibu. I’ll let you know how many diamonds she has on…

Congratulations to Stephen Bugbee for being named President of Matrix Content. The announcement was made today by CEO Norman Bentley.

And if you want to see what might just be the future of ‘porn on the internet’, check out the teaser for Matrix’s new venture called Matrix HD.

The teaser is amazing, I know they’ve been working on this for a long time, congrats to Norman and Jackie on the site.