Luke Ford

Fayner Posts: Just got back from my two week vacation where I only checked the internet once. I’m not sure if this Haley Paige death thing is true or not, but I decided to repost the interview I did with her back in January of 2006.

FAYNER Where are you from? Cleveland? Kenya?

HAILEY PAIGE I was born in Mexico in a tiny little mining town. I moved to California when I was around 12.

FAYNER Weren’t your parents in a cult? Were they into UFOs?

HAILEY PAIGE No. It was a cult, but not like that. My parents were missionaries. My mother is still involved in it so I shouldn’t really say much, but it is funny how people can be brainwashed so easily.

FAYNER Speaking of your mom, I saw in a picture that she has some killer tits. Huge! And she’s like what,…

HAILEY PAIGE 70 years old. It gives me hope that these things here (her fabulous chest) will survive…

FAYNER Tell me about the lovely year you spent in Australia.

HAILEY PAIGE I got a job doing pr for a travel web site. I went to Hawaii for 2 months. Everything was great. Then we went New Zealand. The guy I was working for, who up until then was a perfect boss, all of a sudden flipped out and stole my passport, credit cards and money and told me I wasn’t allowed to leave his site. My Emails were screened. But we were doing so many fun things that I didn’t really mind for a while.

FAYNER Fun things? Like having sex?

HAILEY PAIGE It was not about that. It was an obsession. The funny part was that my parents didn’t even care. He’d use how they never emailed me against me: “They don’t even love you!”

FAYNER So how did you finally escape?

HAILEY PAIGE I had become super depressed. Homesick. Crying for 2 months straight. I guess it got to him ‘cause one day he called my father and said “send her a ticket.” That was it. When I got back I didn’t even tell my dad what had happened.

FAYNER Any emotional scars from this?

HAILEY PAIGE I’m sure I do! But I don’t deal with things. Ever. That’s my problem.

FAYNER Sounds healthy. So tell me about your brother.

HAILEY PAIGE My older brother is currently in Corcoran prison. That’s where Charlie Manson is. He’s served 12 years on a 100 years to life sentence for 1^st Degree murder. He bashed some guys head with a rock and killed him. I doubt he will ever get out. The worst part is he has a son he’s never met.

FAYNER More importantly is whether he is still sportin’ the mustache like in the picture I saw of him.

HAILEY PAIGE He still has the mustache.

FAYNER Fucking cool. I want a mustache. How’d you get into porn?

HAILEY PAIGE I came home broke from Australia.

FAYNER What??? I thought hostages got paid for their time? No?

HAILEY PAIGE Anyway, I always knew that if I wanted to I could do porno. It was always in the back of mind.

FAYNER Porno chicks have minds? Just kidding. Here’s a funny thing about you I bet no one knew. You never gave head before your first on-screen sex scene.

HAILEY PAIGE That’s true. Can you believe it? It took some practice, but luckily I have these great lips and that made it easier on me. I practiced a lot.

FAYNER And from what my dick tells me it sure paid off! Are you mad now ‘cause missed out on all them years of sucking dick?

HAILEY PAIGE Yeah, kind of. It would have come in handy I’m sure somewhere down the line.

FAYNER Oh, it does. Trust me! So where on your wonderful body do you prefer the load to be shot?

HAILEY PAIGE Well right now I have a foot fetish, so I like it on my toes and then I lick it up.

FAYNER What about last week?

HAILEY PAIGE Last week I liked it on my boobs.

FAYNER And the week before that?

HAILEY PAIGE Before that it was in my mouth.

FAYNER Good girl. Ever have a chick lover?

HAILEY PAIGE Yeah, I had a girlfriend for about a year when I was 17. Her name was Marsela, and her family was Mormon. We had a whole thing in common with the weird family religion. She had a shaved head, she was beautiful. I miss her.

FAYNER What happened?

HAILEY PAIGE She left me for a Mormon guy. I was devastated. I haven’t dated a woman since.

FAYNER Last question: Did you used to think that cats and dogs were the same animal?

HAILEY PAIGE Yes. But I was very young. I thought that cats were female dogs and dogs were male dogs. That’s why I can never get a female dog or a male cat.

FAYNER You’ve truly lived a tough life. Growing up without a female dog …  How very sad!!! Oh, yeah, and the hostage thing and the brother in jail thing and the psycho parents things too. They must have also been rough.

HAILEY PAIGE Are we done yet?

Actually, someone owes Kevin Moore the ‘Genius of the Week Award’

I wonder what distributors will think of a title with a production date dating back as far as 18 months ago? 3 of the 5 scenes were shot over 12 months ago, and the ‘newest’ scene of the 5 is approaching 10 months old.

What will distributors PAY for an 18 month old title? IVD might pay $3, GVA might pay $4 - if its really good!!! And you can give them any slick story you want, but the bottom line is they look at the DOP and base decisions on that. Titles with an 18 month old DOP are generally viewed by distributors as being a catalog title.

Why would anyone shoot a scene 18 months ago and hold on to it for a year and a half? Unlike a fine wine, scenes do not hold their value with age. The older a scene gets the less value it has.

Make a nice box cover, throw a hip and new styled title/genre on the cover and inside cram it with old scenes. Porn at its’ best.

Fayner posts: Funny seeing a press release today issued by Kevin Moore for his title called First Person Shooter. If you want to know the difference between POV and FPS, read below.

FROM THE LUKEFORD ARCHIVES - 8-22-2007

Fayner Posts: One would think this Dynamic Duo would have peaked with last year’s wildly popular WHORECRAFT.NET (now WHORELORE.COM), a porn-meets-fantasy adult series that gained Worldwide attention for its originality and superb attention to costumes, scripts and detail.

But now Dez and Alaura offer FPSPorn.com, the first-of-its-kind First Person Shooter Porn starring Jessica Jaymes.

Episode One is available now for download for about $7.

Basically, if you’ve even dreamed of being a SWAT guy who kills the bad guys then gets serviced by the pretty damsel in distress, then this is your Holy Bible.

Enjoy bitches.

Repeat, this is not an exercise.

This is real life, people. Real guns, real criminals and real blood.

If you’re looking for simulated bad guys and a hearty pat on the back from your instructor, you’re in the wrong place.

All your training has prepared you for this moment, and this moment only, so get your game faces on.

The plan is simple: get in, take down the bad guys, confiscate the drugs and save the girl.

You have no one to trust but yourself and your gun.

One way in. One way out.

It’s either total success or complete failure: There is no room for error.

Load ‘em up, boys.

THE Prince of Wales will today open the only public garden in Britain to be allowed to grow cannabis.

The Prince will officially open the second phase of The Alnwick Garden, in Alnwick, Northumberland, which includes the UK’s only public poison garden, growing plants such as cannabis and coca under lock and key.

Earlier in the day, Charles will visit Alnwick Castle, where he will present the country’s only Territorial armoured reconnaissance regiment with its first consecrated flag.

The first phase of The Alnwick Garden, which has cost £35.1 million ($A82.04 million) to construct, was officially opened by the Prince in October 2002.

This afternoon, he will view the second phase of the project, which also contains the world’s largest wooden tree house, a unique set of water sculptures that combine physics with the arts and an imposing pavilion designed by architect Sir Michael Hopkins.

In the morning, Charles will present The Queen’s Own Yeomanry Regiment with its first regimental guidon - a flag of crimson silk damask embroidered and fringed with gold, with the regimental battle honours emblazoned upon it and the regimental emblem embroidered in the centre.

The Queen’s Own Yeomanry is a formation reconnaissance regiment in the Royal Armoured Corps and was formed in 1971.

It is made up of five sabre squadrons administered from a regimental headquarters in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

In his role as patron of the Prince’s Trust, Charles will also meet Prince’s Trust volunteers from the North East.

Paris Hilton has stunned friends by picking up a shy pizza boy and introducing him to her parents.

The Sun reported Hilton met Alex Vaggo in a Los Angeles night club and has been “parading” him around the city as her boyfriend.

Vaggo, 20, a wannabe model, was in LA for a holiday and to earn some extra money working as a pizza delivery boy when he met Hilton, 26.

A friend told The Sun Vaggo was “smitten” and described him as a “really lucky guy”.

“He’s quite a shy, laid-back kind of guy. Paris will probably eat him alive.”

Vaggo’s mum Cecilia told the Sun: “I always knew he’d do something extraordinary with his life.”

The city of Amsterdam announced Thursday that it will invest up to 15 million euros (21 million dollars) to help clean up its famous red light district by buying brothels there.

The city will help a real estate developer buy 51 storefront windows where prostitutes ply their trade to convert them into apartments or commercial premises.

Although prostitution has been legal in the Netherlands since 2000, the city is trying to bring about a voluntary clean-up of Amsterdam’s famous red light district.

City mayor Job Cohen told a news conference that the deal announced Thursday represented “a big step”.

“Since the legalisation in 2000, things have changed,” Cohen said.

“The law was created for voluntary prostitution but these days we see trafficking of women, exploitation and all kinds of criminal activity,” he said.

The Wallen, as the prostitution district is known in Dutch, is one of the oldest and most picturesque areas of Amsterdam and draws hoards of tourists, although they mainly flock there to gawk at the women.

“It is not about chasing prostitution of the Wallen, but it’s about fighting crime,” Cohen stressed.

City council member responsible for finance Lodewijk Asscher said closing down the prostitute windows should not have a negative impact on tourism.

“We are talking about what we call vertical drinkers, people who walk around the district drink in hand and never even sit down in the area’s bars and restaurants,” he said of the tourists attracted to the area.

“What’s more important? A tourist attraction for men who are victims. It’s modern slavery,” Asscher added.

However, the Dutch sex workers’ union De Rode Draad criticised the plans.

“We believe that less windows means more exploitation of women,” spokeswoman Metje Blaak told AFP.

“If the windows close down, women who are being exploited will be hidden somewhere else where union representatives and health workers can’t make contact with them,” she explained.

“The city should go after pimps, not real estate.”

Real estate developer NV Stadsgoed agreed to pay 25 million euros to buy the storefront windows from red light district kingpin Charles Geerts.

Prostitutes hire the windows for around 100 euros for part of the day and one window usually has several prostitutes per day, making it a very lucrative business to hire the windows out.

The city of Amsterdam has earmarked up to 15 million euros to compensate the loss of value when the prostitutes are no longer there.

Under the deal with the municipality, Geerts is not allowed to invest the money he earns in the red light district again. Even if he invests outside the Wallen, he is not allowed to invest in prostitution, gambling or coffee shops — cannabis cafes allowed to sell marijuana.

The 51 prostitutes’ windows to be closed represent around one third of such windows in the red light district.

The city of Amsterdam last autumn announced the plans to clean up the area, which has been the city’s prostitution zone for more than one hundred years.

Fans of the hit 70’s TV show The Brady Bunch have been shocked to hear that Marcia and Jan allegedly engaged in an off-screen lesbian relationship.

Child star Maureen McCormick, who played Marcia, the eldest sister in the Brady clan, reveals in her memoirs, that she had a huge crush on Eve Plumb, her TV sister Jan.

McCormick’s autobiography, Here’s The Story, which will be released next year details how McCormick enjoyed much more than a squeaky clean sisterly relationship with her co-star.

“At one point the couple had some sort of beautiful, sexual moment”, an anonymous source said,

“This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual high jinks going on behind the scenes.”

The autobiography documents McCormick’s life as a child actor, detailing her battles with an eating disorder,drug addictions and depression.

“I’ve learned that overcoming my demons and weathering the tumultuous storms of my life is a process,” McCormick said.

“I have arrived, for the moment at least, in a solid and secure place, which is allowing me to visit my past without fear.”

This kid is a nonstop source for these quotes!!!!!!!!

Tyler was watching an A&E show on ‘The History of the Mob’, so a discussion ensued about the subject.

I asked him what was the dr4iving force behind the early days of the US Mafia, he pondered…. had the answer on the tip of his tongue…. but couldn’t find it. So I gave him the answer, prohibition!!!! To which he replied, ‘OH YEAH THAT’S RIGHT, THE MOB MADE ALL ITS MONEY OFF PROHIBITION AND INFLATION.”

Yup, he said it.

Lucky Luciano plotted murders based on inflation.

Got a call from Cindy Crawford, she phoned in to say she was retiring from porn completely. No husband, no sugar daddy, no escorting. Over the years Cindy has socked all of her money away and has finally had enough of the industry. Her plans are to get into Real Estate, either here or in her hometown of Las Vegas.

Best of luck Cindy!!!!!!!!!!

A TMFR UPDATE FROM HER JOURNAL:

LA BELLA WENT TO SURGERY:

I HAD I VERY STRESSFUL COUPLE DAYS THIS WEEK. MY NEW PUP” LA BELLA” HAD TO GO INTO SURGEY BECAUSE SHE GOT CHERRY EYE IN BOTH EYES. SHE LOOKED LIKE THE DEVIL FOR A WEEK! THAT WAS KINDA COOL! THEY TOLD ME TO JUST PUT EYE DROPS IN FOR A WEEK AND IF THEY DON’T GET BETTER THEY WOULD DO A VERY SIMPLE OPERATION!
SO WE GAVE IT A WEEK! DIDN’T GET ANY BETTER SO FAYNER BOOKED A APPT FOR SURGEY!
I GAVE HER A KISS BEFORE FAYNER TOOK HER (AROUND 7:30). FAYNER CALLED ME FROM STACI’S PHONE AND SAID “ HEY THEY WILL BE CALLING YOU AFTER THE OPERATION CUZ MY PHONE FINALLY TOOK A SHIT”! “OK DAWG THANKS FOR DROPPING HER OFF! LETS DO LUNCH”!!! FAYNER SAID “K DAWG TALK LATA!”

1:30 PM ON TUESDAY:

I GET THE CALL FROM THE DOC AT THE VET HOSPITAL.
DOC: HI THIS IS SO IN SO CALLING ABOUT LA BELLA!

ME: HOW DID HER OPERATION GO?

DOC: HER OPERATION WENT WELL UNTIL THE END. WE ARE WATCHING HER VERY CAREFULLY RIGHT NOW!

ME: WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? THOUGHT THIS WAS A MINOR OPERATION????

DOC: I THINK YOUR DOG CAME FROM A WEAK BREED CUZ SHE HAS A VERY ENLARGED HEART!!! SOME FLUID GOT INTO HER HEART DURING THE OPERATION.

ME: SO IS IT CUZ MY DOG CAME FROM A WEAK BREED? OR DID YOU GIVE HER TOO MUCH DRUGS????? MY DOG CAME FROM PACIFICA CANECORSO! ONE OF THE BEST BREEDERS!!!!

DOC: YOU SHOULD COME IN CUZ I DON’T KNOW IF YOUR DOG IS GOING TO MAKE IT! SHE HAS A 20% CHANCE OF LIVING AT THIS POINT! WE ARE TRYING EVERYTHING THAT WE CAN DO.!!!

ME: YOUR KIDDDING RIGHT??? YOU PROABLY DON’T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I SAID TO THE DOC AT THAT POINT!!! I WENT NUTS ON HIM!
SO I CALLED KEITH OVER AND OVER AGAIN COULDN’T GET ANY ANSWER CUZ HE WAS IN A MEETING!

SO I CALLED FAYNER THE DOG WHISPER!!!!! FAYNER COME PICK ME UP BELLAS SURGEY DIDN’T GO WELL AND SHE HAS 20% CHANCE OF LIVING!!!!! COME NOW PLEASE I CAN NOT DRIVE!!!!!! LET ME REMIND YOU MY ANIMAL HOSPITAL IS LIKE A MILE AND A HALF AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. FAYNER ABOUT 4 OR 5 MILES TO ME!

I WAS SMOKIN MAD BONG TOKES WAITING FOR FAYNER! CHAIN SMOKING LIKE I WAS ON A BUNCH OF YAYO! PACING BACK IN FORTH STILL TRYING TO GET A HOLD OF KEITH!!! EVERYTHING SUCKED AT THAT POINT!!

FAYNER SHOWS UP! WE SPEED ALL THE WAY THERE LISTENING TO IRON MAIDEN. HE SAID “THIS MUSIC WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!” ME “MY DOG IS DYING!!! I KNOW YOUR JUST TRYING TO CHEER ME UP. YOU CAN’T RIGHT NOW!!!” FAYNER “DON’T WORRY NIK EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. THAT GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE FOR SAYING THAT TO YOU ON THE PHONE!!!” ME “I KNOW!! LET’S GO KICK SOME ASS! I HAVE ALL HER DOCUMENTS THAT PROVE THAT SHE IS A PURE BREED MASTIFF!!! FUCK THESE PEOPLE!!” FAYNER “ NIK LET ME DO ALL THE TALKING. I DID THIS BEFORE WITH BANDIT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!”

VET HOSPITAL AROUND 2:00 PM:

WE ROLL IN OF COURSE IN A PANIC! THEY BRING US IN THE BACK AND TELL US NOT TO WORRY CUZ SHES DOING BETTER! THE DOC ROLLS IN AND BASICALLY ADMITED THAT THE VET TECH GAVE HER TOO MUCH OR SHE WAS ALLEGRIC TO THE MEDS THAT WERE GIVEN TO HER! HE TOOK X RAYS WHEN HE NOTICED HER HEART GETTING LARGER ON THE SCREEN. THAT’S WHEN HE CALLED ME IN A PANIC. WHAT A DUMBASS! SO THEY PUMPED OUT THE FLUIDS THAT WERE FILLING UP IN HER LUNGS AND HEART!I THINK THEY USED SOMETHING LIKE A CATHADYER TO PUMP OUT THE MEDS AND FLUIDS! NARLY DUDE!!! I WAS TRIPPIN AND THE DOC TOTALLY COULD TELL. SO THEY SAID IF I REMAIN CALM THEY WILL BRING BELLA IN THE ROOM FOR US. SHE WAS SO CUTE CUZ SHE WAS STILL DOPED UP. THEY HAD HER ON THIS HUGE PILLOW WITH 2 HEATED BLANKETS. HER EARS WERE DOWN BUT HER TAIL WAS WAGGING OUT OF THE BLANKETS! SHE HEARD HER MOMMY’S VOICE AND SHE WAS WAKING UP MORE AND MORE! SO CUTE RIGHT???

SO THEY TOLD US THEY ARE TAKING HER TO A 24HR ANIMAL HOSPITAL AT 6PM AND THEY WILL WATCH HER ALL NIGHT FOR US. WE WENT AND CHECKED ON HER AND SHE WAS CHILLIN. SHE WAS WALKING AROUND A LITTLE TOO!
IN THE MORNING WE PICKED HER UP TOOK HER BACK TO THE CRAPPY VET GUY AND HE TOOK AND X RAY AND TOLD US EVERYTHINGS ALL GOOD WITH HER JUST MAKE SURE YOU GO TO A CARDIOLOGIST IF YOU COULD AFFORD IT!
SO I CHANGED TO A BETTER VET HOSPITAL. VCA IS LIKE KNOWN FOR THE BEST SERVICE WITH YOUR ANIMALS. THEY REALLY DO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR PETS!!! HOLLER! SO LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN! MY BABY IS BACK IN MY ARMS AND SHE IS BEING SO GOOD!!! OH I TOTALLY WENT SHOPPING FOR TREATS, TOYS, AND LITTLE SHIRTS FOR HER! SHES THE CUTIEST GIRL EVA!!! YOU ROCK LA BELLA!
YES I KNOW THIS WAS A VERY LONG STORY ABOUT MY DOG! I AM EXTREMELY HIGH, PLUS TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE!

TMFR