THREE 7 AM BLOODY MARY’S AND TR NEEDS TO TINKLE
ALAURA CAUGHT MOST OF THE FISH, PROLLY ‘CAUSE SHE’S JAPANESE. ALL THE JEWS CATCH IS THE EARLY BIRD SPECIAL
DINNER
AM I PRETENDING TO SUCK A COCK OR SMOKE A JOINT? EVEN I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE
THIS WAS TAKEN WHILE AN OLD COUPLE WAS WALKING BY…
…AND AS SOON AS THEY LEFT THIS WENT DOWN. FUCKING DYKES!!
ALAURA CATCHES ANOTHER! I TELL YA’, THE GIRL KNOWS HER WAY AROUND A ROD!
DRUNK ON THE CISCO BREWERY TOUR
I FORCED ALAURA TO TAKE THIS PICTURE
I VOLUNTEERED TO HAVE THIS PICTURE TAKEN
DRINKING AND DRIVING
MERE FEET AWAY, OLD TOURISTS WERE SIPPING WINE AND EATING CHEESE AND TALKING ABOUT TAX BREAKS AND BUTLERS WHO STEAL FINE CHINA
THERE’S A LONG STORY BEHIND THIS, BUT BASICALLY THE OWNER OF THE BREWERY TOOK TOO MANY DRUGS AND TRIED TO WALK IN ON THE ROOM WHERE MY MOTHER AND SISTER WERE STAYING WEARING A SPIDERMAN COSTUME AND HOLDING WHIPPED CREAM. ALTHOUGH BANDIT’S BARK WOKE ME UP JUST IN TIME TO STOP HIM, HE DECIDED TO LEAVE HIS NAME IN WHIPPED CREAM ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. TO GET HIM BACK FOR THIS, TAYLOR, ALAURA, ME AND LIKE 10 OTHER PEOPLE WENT TO HIS HOUSE LATENIGHT REALLY FUCKED UP AND TRASHED THE PLACE WITH $150 WORTH OF WHIPPED CREAM AND TOILET PAPER, ABOUT 30 CANS OF CREAM AND LOTS AND LOTS OF TP. HIS HOUSE WAS A MESS. HE TELLS ME IT STILL SAYS SPIDERMAN WAS HERE ON HIS FRONT STEPS.
A REAL FRIEND WOULD HAVE TRIED TO HELP. I TOOK PICTURES.
AND I HAD TO BE HERE WITH TWO CHICKS WHO HAVE BOYFRIENDS
HI, I’M GAY. HERE ARE SOME WAVES
TAYLOR: “THAT WAS THE FULL MOON.” BRILLIANCE
WAITING FOR THE VALET
TAYLOR MISSING RODEO DRIVE
ALAURA EDEN POSES FOR THE PAPARAZZI WHILE SHOPPING THE STREETS OF NANTUCKET, MA, IN HER SPECIAL EDITION BLACK RIVET LOUIS VUITTON HAND BAG ON SEPTEMBER 26, 2007. FOR THE SCOOP ON HER LATEST MELTDOWN, SEE PAGE 56
FEEDING THE DUCKS
HUNGRY DUCKS ARE JUST LIKE YOUNG WHORES IN NEED OF DRUGS, ONLY QUIETER
SAY IN BOSTON ACCENT: “TWO FRIGGIN’ HOT BROADS OVER DOWN BY THE CHARLES RIVA! TELL SULLY!”
IF I WASN’T BROKE BY THIS TIME IN THE VACATION, I SWEAR SHE WOULD HAVE GONE INTO THE CHARLES RIVER
THAT’S CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS IN THE BACKGROUND. SOME OF THE SMARTEST MINDS COME OUT OF THAT CITY. TAYLOR, BANDIT AND I WERE INSTRUCTED TO STAY ON THE BOSTON SIDE AT ALL TIMES
“FAYNER, CALL KEITH AND TELL HIM I WANT TO MOVE IN TO THIS BUILDING LIKE RIGHT NOW!”
FINALLY, THE LAST FUCKING PICTURE! YIPPEE! WAIT, WHAT? THERE’S MORE I HAVE TO PUT UP TOMORROW? REALLY? AW, FUCK!