THIS FLICK IS OUT RIGHT NOW! YEAH, NOW!
February 3, 2006
JONNI DARKKO SAYS: DICKS ARE FOR FAGS Author: Scott Fayner
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Archive for February 3rd, 2006
February 3, 2006
DR. FAYNER, AN EXPERT ON SPOTTING DRUG-ADDLED PORNO CHICKS SAYS: “I JUST SAW LEXI MARIE AND SHE AIN’T A FUCKING DRUG ADDICT” Author: Scott Fayner
Fayner Posts: Oh boy howdy have the loose lips been flapping away as of late concerning one Lexie Marie and the recently erroneous song and dance that’s been brewing over her sudden departure from Vivid and an alleged hankering for drugs that’s got her knee-deep in the narcotic game with no end in sight.
And I’m impelled to embark on this journey through words to help correct this industry buzz going around which holds little truth but nonetheless is damaging to Lexie’s career as a popular porno actress whether it is true or not. AN EXAMPLE? FROM LUKEISBACK: Porn star Lexie Marie (who’s repped by LA Direct) has a serious drug problem. Though Derek denies this, I’ve been told that he demanded that Lisa move Lexie into her new house and keep an eye on her. Lisa said no. "My house is my sanctuary. I don’t want a crackhead in my house. I don’t want work affiliated with my home."
I believe these problems are in the past. I called her ex-roommate Cassie Pishone, who tells me Friday, Jan 27: "I have not lived with the girl for four months. I’ve been clean for two months. I’ve been drug-tested. I haven’t seen her. She moved out in October. From October until AVN [show in Las Vegas Jan 5-8], I have not seen her. The first time I saw her was at AVN and she has not been over to my house since. I don’t really talk to her on the phone." Lexie is back living with her boyfriend. She’s no longer in Los Angeles and no longer parties hard.
I cannot protest to being good friends with Lexie. We met at Jesse Jane and Rick’s wedding where I informed her that she should stand clear of me if she wished to not be labeled a druggie. She thanked me for warning her. And during that night of pills and powder and pot I only saw Lexie sucking on a fat joint that Tyler rolled. Not to say she didn’t partake in more drugs that night, ‘cause I don’t know, but if she did she did so behind closed doors. I spoke to Lexi the other night at Charlie Laine’s birthday party about how she’s being blasted on some web sites about being a drug addict. This has got to end, people. Every single chick that has come into the business has at one time had a substance problem. It’s a way to cope with being fucked by slimeballs and then fucked over by the people paying for your work. Lexi told me that she has no idea who Luke Ford is, that she’s never met him. "How can he write that about me? It’s not fucking true! isn’t he supposed to talk to me about it?" "In a perfect world, yes. But then there would be no story, would there?" "Is there anything I can do about it?" "Not really unless you wanna kick his ass!" At the little party I kept an eye on Lexi, and not because she has an awesome set of airbags. She nursed a drink, not once did she go to the bathroom with a bunch of chicks and come back sniffing and wiping her runny nose. Instead she talked about her newfound love. I saw no indication of her being on drugs, and if she does in fact have a "serious drug problem" as Luke wrote she’d be fucked up 24/7 just like honest to goodness addicts such as myself are. And if she is immersed in the drug crowd and doing coke and speed like people are saying, the girl must have some secret to staying at a respectable weight. People hooked on drugs don’t take care of themselves and it always shows. Lexi looked smoking hot and healthy. Most porno people dabble in narcotics…pills, weed, booze, a little coke perhaps, but to single out one girl without any proof for what you hear she does is just plain bogus journalism. Leave Lexi alone.
February 3, 2006
GOD DAMN TECH SUPPORT MORONS Author: Scott Fayner
Taylor Rain Posts:
What the fuck!!!!! So I start up my nice new Apple 17′ Notebook computer this morning to start doing some updates to my website www.clubtaylorrain.com and also to Lukeford.com. I open Microsoft Office for MAC and I get 300 error messages in a row when I try to open Word.
So i started hittin buttons and more buttons. I heard some dings and beeps but nuthin happened at all. Then I hit HELP and fuck that no help at all, just a lot of bullshit mumbo jumbo.
I look at the manual, wow i never looked at one of them before, and found some 800 number for support.
I called the number, got put on hold for 40 minutes and then some fucking beaner answered and I swear I didn’t understand one word he said. He sounded like he was in a bathroom. Add the horrible sound quality and bathroom echo to the fact that guy had the heaviest accent i’ve ever heard and you can tell what kind of help i got, tech support? Bullshit, the only words I kept repeating were "WHAT NOW?"
So after 10 minutes on the phone, i absolutely made out less than 7 words the guy had to say, one was "mikrozoft".
Fuck this, anyone know how to fix Microsoft Office? Hit me up?
DICK BANDIT REPLIES:
Mom, little did you know it, but your Microsoft Tech Support Consultant this morning was none other than the current Employee of the Month. As to why the clarity of the call and the accent were so difficult, perhaps this picture of Raffe will help clear that up.
February 3, 2006
A SAD SITUATION Author: Scott Fayner
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant
"Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees, tearfully giving thanks
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left….then to the right….
Right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says…
"He should have quit while he was a head!"
February 3, 2006
WHY IS THE PRICE OF GAS SO HIGH? Author: Scott Fayner
An indoor skiing facility in Dubai, United Arab Emirates (the desert) Under construction! Just 2 months after the major US gas price hike…. CONSTRUCTION COMPLETE!
Which brings to mind: If you have the money, you can buy ANYTHING!
February 3, 2006
HAVE INNER STRENGTH? Author: Scott Fayner
We want you to find your inner strength.
If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, …then you’re probably the family dog!
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs…..
Brought to you by TAYLOR RAIN
February 3, 2006
THE TALKING DOG Author: Scott Fayner
A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what’s your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
February 3, 2006
OUR LIFE IN A NUTSHELL Author: Scott Fayner
Look at this really closely, it’s SO true.
February 3, 2006
LIFE AS A ROCKSTAR CAN SUCK! Author: Scott Fayner
Taylor Rain Writes In Her Journal on www.clubtaylorrain.com:
So we get to the lift, trap in, and get on a lift chair!! I tell my friend lets take an easy run to warm up. He says "ok dawg! Lets do this!!!" Strap in your other boot and fuckin ride!!!!! 300 feet later we were on an advance run!! Take two jumps! Didnt want to but there was someone in the way on the flat side!!! Let me remind you if you forgot!! It was our first run and i took two jumps!!! I was not ready for that at all!!!! So i landed wrong, twisted my knee. Heard it crack as i was landing and then ate shit!!!! Fuck it!!!! 5 minutes later i was brought down the mountain in a sled!!! That is so fuckin whack!!!!
So now today im hating life and wish i wasnt such a rockstar!!!!! Today im in so so so much pain! Do i reget going off those jumps??? Fuck no!!! But i am being waited on and i cant drive cuz its my right knee!!! Rockstar for life!!!
Yesterday went for a day trip to big bear to go snowboarding with a friend!!!! We first smoke bowls!!! Got suited up because it was such a windy day! Then we got our half tickets with vouchers and as young adults!!!! Both were illegal!!! Fuck it we are fuckin rockstars!!!!
February 3, 2006
BARRETT BLADES SMOKIN CRACK 2 FROM SIN CITY Author: Scott Fayner
Smokin’ Crack 2: Cock Is A Girl’s Best Friend
Rock & Porn Rebel Turns Debilitating Hobby Into Series
(Chatsworth, Ca)- Despite letters of warning stemming from the first release from such notable organizations as the Free Speech Coalition, PAW, AIM, Dirty Bob, and The Crackwhore United National Triumvirate Porn Star Anti-Defamation Squad of America, (American CUNT PAD for short) Mayhem contract director Barrett Blade has gone ahead and released the second installment of his controversially titled anal series; Smokin’ Crack. Given the affinity rocker turned porn stud turned smut peddling whoremaster Blade once had for sniffing on white lines, the aptly named series is a fitting tribute. These days he’s cooking up sweet, cum sticky ass crack, instead of railing the yayo, and stacking up money in the bank. The results of this crazed sexual pharmacology are nothing short of incendiary.
"We’ve got the sweetest, youngest anal whores in the business getting their juicy ass cracks plowed by so much meat it’s ridiculous," offers the spiky coifed, tattoo smeared director. "These dirty fuck dolls take delightful rectum reaming deep into their blossoming bungholes until the sweet nectar explodes out of their ripe, chubby cunt lips and their assholes look like they had been hit by a scud fucking missile. We had a medic on the set for most of the shoot, seriously." "I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that pirate movie everyone was talking about," mumbles Sin City spin doctor Devan Cypher, "but it’s nothing at all like that. This movie is full of all those hot, cracked-out stripper bitches you piss your money away to at the club, getting their shitters straight jacked up and fucked open until they can’t sit down or shit right for two weeks. A couple of the girls do curse like dirty pirate hookers though. Tell Newsweek they can print that." For more information on Mayhem & Sin City Films, visit the main website http://www.sincity.com where you can find news, press releases, photos, and video on demand, or contact devan@sincityfilms.com. About SIN CITY ENTERTAINMENT: In the evolutionary, ever-changing nature of the adult business, Sin City has also been able to adapt and capture a large portion of the market-share as it relates to other genres of adult moviemaking (Compilations, Gonzo, etc.) The company remains at the forefront of industry advances and developments and the technology utilized in the production and post-production of their DVD products has far surpassed that of their competitors. Not to be underplayed is Sin City’s penetration and impact of the World Wide Cable and Satellite market. Through a powerful network of cable and satellite purveyors, Sin City Entertainment has gone - literally - GLOBAL. At any given time, virtually anywhere in the world - a Sin City production may be viewed. For more information on Sin City Entertainment, please contact devan@sincityfilms.com
