CATCH A THIEF, SAVE A STRIPPER

In what seems worthy of its own Scooby Doo episode, an alert snow plow driver helped bust a crime ring that may have been responsible for up to 50 burglaries in the western suburbs, and in the process helped save Christmas for a bunch of strippers.

A good samaritan was plowing snow in the parking lot outside of a business in Sandwich and spotted tracks that weren’t there before, so he called its owner, eventually leading police to capture the culprits. We don’t know if police actually followed the tracks back to their hideout and unmasked a creepy old man wallowing in $1 bills, but strippers all around Geneva rejoiced at the news. Thumpers Gentlemen’s Club there had been closed down since it was robbed and set ablaze three weeks ago by the same thieves, causing some dancers to wonder just how they’d finish paying their way through college this semester.

The bust ended a six-month crime spree that also targeted the Blackberry Inn and … wait for it … Hey Weenie in Kane County. "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that meddling snow plow driver," the ring leader said as he was led into custody.

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