WHY KISS IS THE WORST ROCK BAND EVER: REASONS 38, 39 AND 40

Fayner Posts: Kiss pretty much blows ass when it comes to making good music. I like Hard Luck Woman and Strutter and Cold Gin, three songs out of like 40 recordings. Dick Tracy loves Kiss. He’s a dumb-ass for that. Well, check out what the once biggest band in the world who did as they pleased are doing now.

Can you say gay???

Fashion Wire Daily – New York – Ever wonder what Gene Simmons’ sweat smells like? Us, neither. But all those diehard KISS fans out there – you know who you are – may soon get a chance to sample the sweet smell of rock excess when KISS releases their first-ever his-and-hers fragrance line this October.

And while the KISS scents do not contain actual band member sweat – as far as we know – they do contain a heady blend of black cumin, white pepper, dark rum, cypress, moss and honeyed amber blend (pour homme) and crushed red peppercorns, wet fig leaves, wild red poppy, musky bare skin accord, shiny patent leather and vintage mahogany (pour femme). And both the men’s and women’s scents and ancillary products – Party Shower Gel, Lovin’ Body Lotion, Rockin’ Bath Splash – also contain pheromones, which are said to increase libido and up one’s sexual attraction factor.

The KISS men’s fragrance will be packaged in shiny black patent-looking box featuring the band’s signature flame red logo ("representing heat and passion," according to a spokesperson), while the ladies’ scent is housed in a translucent glass bottle with a black KISS logo. Fans can choose from one of four bottle caps, each depicting a different band member’s likeness.

Retailing from $20 for the Bath Splash to $49 for Eau de Parfum Spray, the line is likely to be carried in Federated department stores, Sephora and possibly Tower and Virgin record outlets (distribution negotiations are still underway).

What is certain, according to Neil Katz, the president and CEO of Gemini, the company behind the fragrance, is that the KISS scents will r-o-c-k. And, he’s hoping, sell like leather-coated hotcakes. "KISS has sold a billion dollars in merchandise," said Katz. "We really have two target [buyers]: the nostalgia buyers or collectors, and the younger, 18-to-24 target."

To this end, Gemini is planning a major advertising and marketing campaign – with logo-driven print ads, scented tattoos, car fresheners, stickers, and in-store band appearances, among other things – as well as on-campus promotional events aimed at teaching students how to rock and roll all nite and smell good ev-e-ry day.

As if this weren’t enough to make KISS fans spew flames of joy, the band recently launched a premium denim line and announced plans to open the world’s first KISS Coffeehouse on Tuesday, June 27th, in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

And yes, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley will be on hand to cut the ribbon on what a press release describes as "the most outrageous coffee and dessert shop ever constructed."

And those itching to join the KISS Army can enroll here, as the café will not only be home to 20-foot-tall smoking KISS boots and rare KISSmemorabilia and costumes, serve "KISS Frozen Rockuccino, the most caffeinated and refreshing coffee beverage on the market, as well as a full array of cookies brownies and cupcakes," but will also function as "an official KISS Army recruiting office."

"Every army needs food and drink and the KISS Army is no exception!" said Gene Simmons. "Even the non-enlisted will find our treats and java rockin’ good!"

And actual enlisted men will not be forgotten, either, as the band plans to ship 1,000 bags of KISS Army Blend coffee to the US Armed Forces in Iraq in conjunction with the cafe’s grand opening.

Added Stanley, "the KISS Coffeehouse is our way of providing everyone with a buzz of great, quality treats and coffee filled with enough sugar and caffeine to get the party started and keep it going!"

Pheromones not included.

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