Fayner Posts: My family all met down in Austin, Texas this holidaze season ’cause my sister just bought a house and, well, pretty much my mother forced me to come by utilizing the very powerful Jewish Guilt she wields like a pro. It’s not that I don’t love them, but I love my dog and not flying a tad more than them. My sister is cool, though, and we have a great time. It’s just when you add two divorced parents to the mix it sometimes gets a little ugly.
Anyhoo…
It was 10 pm on Christmas. Mom was asleep and sister, father and I sat downstairs. I was super sleepy.
"Listen," sister said, "I’m gonna go watch a foreign film at my neighbor’s house. Is that okay with you, dad?"
"A porno film at your neighbor’s house? Why would I mind?"
"Foreign!" we both screamed.
That was 10 pm.
Sister didn’t come back until after 5 am. Foreign films may be long and stupid, but 7 hours? Something was up.
I was sleeping in the living room, so avoiding me and my keen senses was useless to even try.I raised my head, saw sister standing there attempting to sneak past my checkpoint.
"You’re a fucking Christmas Whore!" I yelled.
We both laughed, then went to sleep. Then the train came rolling by and woke me up long enough to remember that my sister is a Christmas Whore. Sweet.
The next morning, as we all sat eating breakfast, sister began telling about her neighbors house’s cool ceiling pattern and how she should do the same thing to hers since hers sucks.
"Spend a lot of time staring at his ceiling, did you?" I asked the Christmas Whore. She shot me that look one does when they don’t want their parents to know they’re a Christmas Whore.
They did find out ’cause I ended up telling them. I mean, what’s a Jewish Christmas without someone being caught acting like a Christmas Whore?
So begins a new tradition in my family. Next year though I get to play Christmas Whore!!!!